DARRYL'S PERSPECTIVE

"Come in." He said as a smile formed in his lips.

"I'll sleep here just this night." I muttered as I awkwardly stepped in and carefully closed the door behind me. As I am swallowing my pride for going here, I am actually swallowing my saliva upon seeing him on his bed. His hands were stuffed under his head as he leaned on the headboard.

I snapped myself out the thought when I noticed the mischief in his face. He must not catch me checking on him.

I hugged the pillow that I brought with me. "I'll stay here." I pointed at the floor at the end of his bed. Still feeling awkward with him staring.

"Darryl, I have an oversized bed and you choose to sleep on the floor? What kind of mindset is that?" He asked.

Damn, I looked like an idiot. "Well sir, obviously, you are my boss and this is your bed. It seems unethical for me as your assistant to share a bed with you-"

"Here you go with your ethics again." He frowned as he removed his hands out of his head. "Is it really about that or you just don't want to feel me against you?" He asked that apalled me.

Am I really thinking that way?

My subconscious nodded. Damn.

I was reluctant but decided to sleep beside him. However, before I could move towards the bed, he asked "Do you not really love me anymore?"

Why does he always have to bring that up? It's not easy to say that I don't love him when my heart speaks otherwise. "N-no." I croaked.

I heard him sigh. "Okay. But at least let me hold you for the last time." He said as he made a space for me in his bed.

I wasn't aware that I was nodding. My mind was on the thought of him holding me for the last time. My chest felt like it's being crumpled in effect.

'What's wrong with you Darryl, this is what you want right? And this is for his own good.' I reminded myself.

I felt his hand pulled me to the bed. And almost immediately, his arms engulfed me towards him. My back was on him but the tightness of his embrace with his head nuzzled on my neck, made me felt his warmth all over me.

I have to admit, It feels good. For once I felt safe and invincible. For once I felt important. But in spite the good feeling, somewhere in my heart was the pain that silently gnaws my whole being. It's the fact that I can't be with him. He doesn't deserve me. He deserves better.

I suppressed a tear that threatens to escape from my eyes. At least for now, I'll savor the moment-the last moment.

He nudged closer to me and I let myself against him. I could feel his heart beats against his chest with his breaths caressing my nape with warmth.

I closed my eyes and the sleep took me away.

...

°°°I was walking on a very familiar corridor. White-tiled floor, huge fluorescent lamps, white walls and the scent of antiseptics.

I arrived at a room and as if my feet has a mind of its own, it moved straight towards the bed where a man was lying with a tube of oxygen attached to him. Monitors were everywhere with beeps indicating his heart rates.

I looked at the man and saw Blue with eyelids closed. I noticed his arms, there were bruises. I opened his hospital dress and to my horror, his whole body was filled with dark, violet patches. I looked back at his face and blood flow out of his nose. I rushed to reach him but I seemed to be pulled away.

Then people in white with gloves and masks surrounded him. It was all in a blur afterwards. But the beeping ceased and was replaced with a monotone sound. I tried to walk towards the bed but the scene shifted.

I was outside the room with Grey and Dean who was crying. The doctor shook his head and walked away.

No! Blue! I tried to run back inside but my feet seemed to be numb. Blue!

I tried to scream but no voice would go out.

It can't be. Blue is dead! No!

I snapped up from the horrible dream. I slapped my forehead. "Thank God it was just a dream." I muttered but when I face palmed, I realized I was crying.

I looked around and I remembered I sleep with Blue. I looked at beside me- Where is Blue?

I sat up, panic rushed over me. I rushed to the bathroom but no sign of him. Without hesitation, I rushed downstairs and saw Leonor in the kitchen.

"Uhm, have you seen Mr. Sanders?" I asked, panting.

She looked at me worriedly. "Yes. He was early today. He said he's going to fetch someone." She said. "Are you okay?" She asked.

Relief washed over me. "Yes, thanks." I said and headed on to get a drink of water.

"Oh by the way, he told me that you could take a day off today if you want."

I nodded and murmured thanks to her and exited the kitchen. I took a bath and faced some unfinished work.

Two hours later, the silence has finally gotten on my nerves. It's haunting me and it's not because of the stupid movie last night. It's because of the emptiness that I felt. It's because Blue is not around.

I slumped back on the couch massaging my temple. What am I thinking?

I stared on my phone which Blue gave me. Not even a single message was there. It was so unusual since during this time, it's supposed to be filled with messages from him.

I rolled my eyes again, mentally slapping myself. Of course there are no messages since he wants me to have an off day, doesn't he?

This is what I want right? aaarrgghh.. It's frustrating.

I decided to call Sarah, my best friend.

"Hey!" She said after two rings.

"Hey." I said and cursed myself for sounding so...down.

"What's wrong?" Her voice swiveled with worry.

"Nothing." I said and even I doubted it with the tone I was emitting.

"Don't nothing me! I know you, so spill it out!" She scolded.

I sighed.

"Darryl McKinley say something!" She yelled that I have to distance the phone from my ear. "You can't wake me up in the morning and just sigh on me."

"Crap. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you-"

"Enough of that. Let's talk and I mean talk in person. Now get your ass out there and tell me what's going on." She said.

"Okay." I said and I felt mad at myself for letting her get involved with my own stupid dilemma.

...

I arrived at the restaurant where we agreed. I saw her waiting on a table just beside the window. I smiled and waved.

"Darryl! It's been so long." She said as she hugged me.

"Indeed." I said hugging her back.

When we finally sat down, she eyed me. "You have a lot of things to tell me." She said eyeing me. "But before that let's eat first. I'm starving." She said and called for the maitre d'.

"You look fat." I told her.

"Ugh, don't remind me." She said then eyed me. "You never told me you work for Sanders now."

"How did you know then?" I asked.

"Chris." She said with a duh.

I raised my brow. "Chris? as in Christian Moore?"

"Who else? The guy is still in love with you. But apparently he f*cked up and got a girl pregnant. Voila, instant father!"

I rolled my eyes at that. I don't really care about him now. For the past seven years, he has been long forgotten and was charged as experience-a horrible one. What I care about now is Blue and yep that reminds me of him again.

Unconsciously I let out a deep sigh and if Sarah didn't slap me, I wouldn't have known.

"Enough with the sighing already." She snapped.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

She didn't argue because our orders came. And goodness, this woman eats! She might be the only woman I know who is not concerned with her figure if food is at stake. I laughed slightly and thankfully, she didn't notice.

After we ate, she nudged. "Now, talk."

I started at the beginning on how I worked at the S tower not knowing that Blue was my boss. Then into the PA thingy.

"I know it sounds hilarious but I still love him." I said. "After all the years that I avoided him, I thought the feelings were gone but the attraction was there the moment I saw him again."

Sarah knew exactly the reason why I left Blue back then.

"Then now, I felt all those years of hiding went in vain."

"You know Darryl, that sounds lame to be a problem." She rolled her eyes. "Do you still love him?"

I nodded.

"Does he still love you?" She asked.

I tried to recall his actions, the kisses he shared with me, the way he touches me, The way his eyes look at me- they all speak the same.

"I think so." I answered.

"Then why are you making this difficult for both of you?" She asked rolling her eyes again.

"Because he doesn't deserve me."

"What kind of reasoning is that? Goodness look at yourself, you're more worthy than any other people. You made him fought for his life remember? Without you, who knows if he still lives today." Sarah took my hand. "Now, fix it before you regret it." She said. "Tell me you'll do it. Promise me."

"Promise."

And she gasped. "Well, now's might be the time." She said as she looked past me. I followed her eyes and saw Blue at the door of the restaurant talking to the maitre d'.

I think my heart just skipped a beat. He looks so handsome even though he's wearing only a polo shirt and a khaki jeans with Alex as his shoes. His Ray-Ban was in his head.

The maitre d' ushered him towards us! He smiled.

I looked at him for a moment then smiled. I was about to stand from my seat when a woman so tall and beautiful like a beauty queen hugged him.

My smile faded as I watched them hugged each other just beside our table.

The strength in me drained as I heard Blue uttered. "I missed you." Then I was dumbfounded when they kissed.

I watched them head to their table. Apparently, Sarah was in shock as well but she recovered first. "Hey!"

I smiled at her-bitterly. "So much for telling him." I muttered. So this is how it feels. Damn love.

"Maybe they're just friends." Sarah said.

"No." I cut her off. "No friends would kiss that passionate. I've seen him kiss his friends, it was not like that." I said.

I looked towards Blue's table and I swear he looked at me. But his face was emotionless. He tilted his head back to the beautiful girl as if he didn't see me. But I know better.

I stood up. "Thanks for hearing me out." I told Sarah who was so worried judging from her expression.

"No, you're not." She said.

"I'll be fine." I said suppressing the tears to come out as the lump in my throat tightens. Shit! I'm no cry baby!

"Okay. Call me." She said.

I nodded.

She guided me out the restaurant. I didn't dare look back or I wouldn't be able to hold my tears anymore.