I love working at the shop late at night, when we’re closed. Alone, just me and the plants.

The overhead lights are switched off, so the only glow comes from the display lights and the heat lamps. The shop feels like a jungle, in the semi-darkness. Like at any moment, crickets might start chirping, a bird might take off, a rainfall might scatter down.

I drift amidst the leaves and flowers, trimming and pruning, adding a support stake to a wavering shoot. I move slowly, picking out the plants that most need my attention. A green scent gradually starts to cling to me.

It’s peaceful, weaving through the dim shop, leaves brushing my shoulders as I pass by. It’s cold and snowy outside, but warm and still in here. A whole separate world.

I’m focused on my work, and it takes me a moment to realize that someone is knocking on the glass door of the shop. I straighten up, dusting off my gloved hands.

When I see him, Raj stops knocking and spreads his fingers in a small wave.

A gust of freezing wind rushes against me as I open the door, and I shiver.

“Hey,” Raj begins, then breaks off in surprise as I grab his arm.

I drag him into the shop, then immediately shut and lock the door again.

“Sorry, I just can't have too much cold air getting in here,” I explain. “The plants can go into shock, believe it or not.”

“Oh, it’s no problem - shit, did I make you cold?” Before I can blink, Raj has me pulled into a hug. “Here, I’m still warm from the car.”

“Raj, I’m fine,” I laugh, detangling myself from his arms. “You think the solution to everything is a hug, I swear.”

“Prove me wrong, dude!”

I laugh again, backing up to let him further into the shop.

Raj looks a little tired - all members of his household do, generally speaking, since Nikita arrived - but he’s still smiling. He’s a splash of brightness against all the cool winter colors of the outside landscape, wearing a sienna-colored sweater beneath his jacket, his brown eyes catching a glimmer from the heat lamps.

“Sorry to show up like this,” he says. “I know the shop is closed. I was trying to get here earlier, but it’s hard to leave the house on time, with a baby in the mix.” He shakes a few snowflakes from his black curls, looking around. “Am I way too late to buy something?”

“I mean - I already closed out the reg, but I can just cash you out when I open tomorrow?”

“Perfect, that’ll work.” Raj slaps my shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem.” I go back behind the counter to put away my gloves, brushing some stray topsoil from my cheek. “What are you looking for? Something I can help with?”

Raj stomps the snow off of his boots, then wanders over to the display wall of single flowers.

“I want to get something for Mel,” he says, his eyes scanning over the blossoms. “She gets a lot of free leftover flowers from working her events, so we normally have a lot around. But her employees are taking care of the events while we have our hands full with Nik, so there haven’t been any flowers in our house. I think she misses it.”

“Oh.” I lean my elbows on the counter, smiling across the shop at him. “That’s sweet, Raj. To buy her some, just because of that.”

“Well - tell you the truth, man, it’s not just because of that.”

“No?”

“Nah, it’s... she’s been so stressed out, recently. I mean, we’re all kind of stressed, with a newborn in the house, but - it’s more than that. I can tell, even if she hasn’t said anything. So I want to do something for her, and this seemed like something.” Raj turns his head, smiling at me over his shoulder. “Just want to give my angel a reminder of how much I love her, you know?”

My smile falls as he turns back to the display. It suddenly feels so wrong that I know the reason behind Melanie’s behavior, while Raj is in the dark.

Or… is he in the dark?

Raj is the only one of the three who has figured out the situation, and it’s possible that he does know why Melanie has been so stressed out recently.

Regardless, he's here looking for some small way to make her feel better, so - 

“You know what, Raj?” I call. “It’s on the house, dude. Pick out whichever ones you think she'll like, I’ll put them in a bouquet for you.”

He glances over at me again, surprised. “What - really?”

“Yeah, definitely. Let's make her something nice.”

“Thanks, man.” Raj fixes me with a warm smile. “Appreciate that.”

I watch as he makes his picks. He’s only taking down red flowers, ones close in shade to the maroon color that Melanie favors for her lipstick, and her clothes. And her engagement ring.

I stare at Raj with narrowed eyes, thinking hard.

It’s been increasingly difficult for me to keep myself from talking to Noah about all this. But... I'm realizing that I could talk to Raj about it. He’s already wise to the situation, which means that I can theoretically bring it up without overstepping.

Melanie needed someone to talk it out with. Maybe Raj does, too.

I use the silence to decide on what I want to say. While I think it’s unlikely, there is a chance that I’m wrong about the extent of Raj’s knowledge on the matter. I’m nervous to bring it up with him, and I can already feel my cheeks starting to burn.

But getting this out in the open could lead to the release of the innumerable tensions weighing on all three of them. I want to help with that wherever I can, so I force myself to take a deep breath, and to speak.

“Raj, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course, brother, always.” He’s reaching for a bright crimson blossom near the top of the display. “What’s up?”

“I… I think I know what’s going on. Between you, Melanie, and Noah.”

Raj stops, halfway through taking the flower down.

He doesn’t turn around, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything.

“What do you mean?” he asks, adding the flower to the handful he’s already gathered.

Right away, I can tell that he knows exactly what I mean.

The angular cut of his face makes it hard for him to hide his expression, but it’s really the texture of his voice that makes it impossible for him to disguise his feelings. It’s normally warm and open in a very genuine way, so when it’s forced, it’s obvious.

Like me, Raj is not a man built for deception.

“You know what I mean,” I answer.

There’s another silence, and Raj turns to face me.

His eyes dart over to the back room. “Is - is anyone else here?”

“No. It’s just us.”

Raj nods slowly, then comes over to the counter, his fingers only loosely wrapped around the stems of the flowers.

His voice is startlingly serious when he speaks again.

“Which - which one of them-?”

“Neither,” I say quickly. “I figured it out by myself.”

Raj lets out a long exhale, then puts the flowers down on the countertop.

“It’s a relief,” he murmurs. “That someone else finally knows.”

That’s almost word for word what Melanie said when I caught her on the phone with Dahlia. The twin reactions make me smile, and I’m tempted to tell Raj about it. But I promised Melanie that I wouldn’t say anything to anyone about our talk, so I bite it back.

There’s an uncomfortable stretch of silence. It’s painfully obvious that neither of us knows where to go from here.

“I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with it,” Raj blurts out.

I’m thrown off by his tone. So forceful, so defensive, so unlike him.

“No, there isn’t.” I hold up my palms, slightly alarmed. “Seriously, Raj, it’s-”

He slumps forward, dropping his arms onto the counter, and his head onto his arms. I manage to push the flowers out of the way just before he would have crushed them.

“How much do you know?” he asks, his voice muffled against the sleeve of his jacket.

“I know that you’re the only one who’s actually got your head around it. And I know that you guys haven’t talked about it.”

Raj groans loudly, his face still buried in his arms.

“That’s exactly the fucking problem, I don’t know how to talk to them about it. Or I would have done it already, goddamnit.”

I reach out to rest a hand on his forearm.

“You can talk to me about it, man. If that would help.”

“I just…” He straightens up, tosses his curls out of his face, and rubs his eyes. “I’m sorry, dude. This is hard for me, I - I haven’t talked to anyone about it yet.”

“Take your time, honestly,” I tell him. “I’ve got a late shift. I’ll be here.”

I reach beneath the counter and find a small glass vase, then start gathering up the flowers Raj picked out. I’m trying to take the pressure off of him, but - it’s also just hard for me to look at him right now. I’m used to seeing his face bright with a smile, and it’s disconcerting to see him so serious, so anxious.

But he just stands there looking at me, so I look back up at him, and freeze.

“Raj,” I say, my eyes widening.

He turns away, but it’s too late. I’ve already gotten an eyeful of his expression.

Noah won’t let me touch him when he’s upset, but that’s definitely not a concern with Raj. In fact, I think he might be in need of some contact.

I stride around the counter and pull him into a hug.

“Everything is gonna be alright, man. Just take a breath.”

For once, Raj doesn’t hug me back, but only because his hands are pressed over his face.

“I’m sorry,” he manages.

His voice is splitting, and I hug him a little tighter.

I have an idea of what's happening here. Melanie told me that talking to someone about this made it feel real, and I think that Raj might be experiencing the same thing right now.

“Stop apologizing! I know that this is a lot for the three of you to process. Especially since you haven’t got each other to lean on, because-”

“Because we’re all three directly involved, and none of us have talked about it?” he mumbles. “Yeah, I’m aware, bro.”

I let him go and step back, twisting the ring around my finger, trying not to look as concerned as I am. Noah keeps his emotions on the most subterranean level of his inner self, but Raj’s emotions swim right below the surface, and at the moment, he looks perilously close to tears.

“I’m fine,” he stammers, through his hands.

“Sounds legit,” I answer, and he lets out a laugh. But it’s strained and thin, not at all like his usual one, and my heart sinks. “Oh, my god. Raj, you have to talk to them about this.”

“I’ve been trying to, man, I want to, but it isn’t easy.” He runs a hand through his hair and tips his head back, blinking hard. “You know how Noah is. He’s always so ready to run. If I try to talk to him about this, and he takes off, I…”

Raj falls silent, chewing his lip, and then - the dam bursts.

“I don’t ever want Noah to leave. I’d be so fucking gutted if he did. That means something, Jamie, I know it does. I love Melanie, and I think that Noah loves her, too, in the same way, and - she loves him back. I can tell. I keep waiting to feel jealous about that, and I just don’t. It would be one thing if they were sneaking around together behind my back, but they’re not. They’re killing themselves to try and crush it down, because they also love me.” Raj takes a deep, staggering breath, avoiding my eyes. “They can try as hard as they want to pretend it’s not happening. It’s not gonna work. They’re my two best friends in the whole fucking world, and I know both of them pretty well. I know what I’m seeing, but I - I can’t make myself be angry about it. Melanie deserves all the love that she wants. If she wants this, and it’s not because my love was lacking...”

“It’s not because of that, Raj,” I say firmly. “Melanie told me that she’s never felt like anything was missing, being with you.”

Raj stops, a tiny smile turning up his lips.

“That’s my girl.” His voice is somehow warm, affectionate, and pained, all at the same time. “Giving me compliments behind my back.” He laughs, swiping his hand beneath his nose. “Well, see? If it’s not because I was failing to give her something she wanted - if it’s just because she loves us both... Look, I want her to be happy, I want Noah to be happy, and I really, really think that this would make me happy, too. I want to keep them both close, and if we all love each other, then - what’s wrong with that? Seriously, what’s wrong with that? Why shouldn’t we?”

I open my mouth to answer, but Raj forges on before I can.

“Because of Nik? Noah makes her happy, he helps us take care of her. Her life is better with him around. Or what, we shouldn't do it because Noah has demons in his past? All the more reason. We can keep him safe, we can be there for him while he heals, we…” Raj fades off, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I know that this kind of relationship between the three of us would be - different, or whatever. But I happen to think that our differences as human beings are what enrich us, and anyways, the idea that everyone should want the exact same things is fucking ridiculous. People are more complex than that. But I don’t have to tell you that, right? You’re a gay man dating a bi man, so you know-”

“Raj,” I interrupt, as gently as possible. “You really don’t have to defend this to me. I mean it, I promise.”

His brown eyes search mine, then blink away again.

“Okay,” he says, relief written all over his face. “Okay. Thank you for saying that. This is new territory for me. I - didn't know what kind of reaction to expect.”

He gets his breath back, steadies out a little. It’s a minute or two before he speaks again.

“So, I - I have no way of knowing how this whole idea will sit with Noah. But I’ve been trying to start by just getting him to understand that Melanie and I don’t want him to leave. I’ve told him a billion times that we’re not gonna get tired of having him around, and that even if he fucks up somehow or upsets one of us, that doesn’t mean he should show himself the door. But it’s not sinking in. I need to make him understand that we want him here. That if he were anywhere else but with us, both of our fucking hearts would be broken.”

I desperately wish that Noah was around to overhear this. My heart is glowing for him. I can’t believe he was just telling me he thought he was the only one of us who was alone.

Raj swallows, kneading his palm, nervous again.

“The other day I took Nikita for a walk. It was Melanie’s suggestion. She was in a weird mood, and I thought it would be good to give her some space, so I did what she said, and took Nik.”

I realize abruptly that Raj is talking about the day when I went to see Melanie, after the incident with Dahlia.

“While we were out walking,” he continues, “I was thinking to myself - what is it gonna take for me to get it through Noah’s head that we want him with us forever? Do I literally have to go out and get him a ring, like I did when I knew I wanted to be with Melanie forever?”

The glow in my heart turns up even brighter.

“Aw, Raj!” I clasp my hands beneath my chin, beaming at him. “I'm sorry, it’s just - that’s such a sweet thought.”

There’s another silence. Raj hesitates, then pulls something out of his jacket pocket.

He sets it down on the countertop: a small, black velvet case.

A ring box.

“You know, Jamie,” he answers, “I’m really glad to hear you say that.”