“A game huh? But now I think I right sist…”

“Ha, about what?”

I sighed

“You didn’t wish to heal people. No maybe you are, but that’s not your main prospect.”

“…What you want to say?”

“You just being afraid. Afraid of pain. When you accompany the patient, you feel their pain also, that’s was your overthinking. You maybe wish you can heal them but your main prospect is so their pain is erased. Because when their pain is gone your delusion pain also gone.”

“That’s…”

“Sorry sist, but truth to be said, you just didn’t really wish to heal them, you just wish you could tough enough so you can’t feel any pain. Isn’t it, sist?”

“Ah, ha ha ha….am I? How coward…”

She bowed her head and rubbed her forehead, later her eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to be medics since I was just a little kid. I’ve wanted to cure people illness, wanted to erase their pain, wanted to make people grateful I was there. I know it since I was your age the fact that I’m afraid of pain but I tried to be tough. It’s alright someday I can handle it to the point I can’t count how many times I’ve lied to myself. But my fear just won’t diluted by time. I’m still how I am, a coward.”

At least she tried. No, it’s applausable, she keeps trying to this point. If it were me, I would just run from it. It’s just how this world works. It shows you unlimited path of life but at some points also slap you with ‘this isn’t yours’. Yes, it’s just for show. No matter how much effort you put in it, no mater how talented you are if it’s not yours then it’s not yours.

“Then… what you want me to say sist?”

“----”

“Is, it’s ok, you would be able to handle it soon or it’s ok everything will be alright enough for you?”

“Pfftt, ahahahaha, ah ha.. ha.. sorry, to think I would tell something like this to some kid like you, ahh… what wrong with me, somehow you look so confident as if you know everything and have saw trough me but somehow also act like you really just some mediocre kid not knowing anything at all.?

“That’s why, I let you choose the answer.”

“Ah its ok, ‘everything would be alright’ is more than enough. I won’t let a kid like you, it’s a shame if I got lectured by some kid, hahaha”

“Hahahaha you’ve got it right. Then let me confirm it once again.”

“Confirm wha-“

“You want just an appeasement or some resolution?”

“…why? You look really serious now. But, hahaha resolution?”

“---”

“Ok ok, here you’re. Looks so confident with your word again. What are you? An old man in kid body? Your way of saying things is just not a kid-like.”

“Then, what?”

“Hmmm, resolution? Hehehe, but don’t push your babbling ok? Hahahaha.”

Ah I said it, I got carried away. To be honest I really didn’t know what exact resolution to this. Should I just say “Try to distract your overthinking with something else” or “Try to use body strengthening anytime you feel your delusional pain strike you, maybe it would help to make a strong suggestion to your brain”.

Wait, body strengthening.

“Ummm sist, can you use your body strengthening to others?”

“Ah, so that’s it. You think that would help others erase their pain isn’t it? Unfortunately, I’ve tried it to my friend and the outcome is not what you’ve expected.”

“Eh, now you try to imitate my ‘all-knowy’?”

“Hahaha, but isn’t it what you expect? Or something else?”

“No that’s what exactly it is. But, may I experience it rather than just accepting the result?”

“You’re that type of kid huh? Just like my little sister. Hmmmm, how about a introduce you to her? She’s cute you know, I think she’s just the same age as you.”

She takes out her smartphone.

“Look here, its her ph-“

“Sorry sist, but could you not change the subject?”

“Ah, sorry sorry. Don’t be too serious, girl tend to like more easygoing boys you know.”

“Then that would also an easygoing relationship between them, date, un-date, married, un-married, divorce, remarried.”

“Wha Wha What, that’s some word for you. What about ‘I’m just some little kid’ you’ve said before?”

The embrace me and pinched my nose.

“Ahwahwahwa swory sworwry, I dwidn’t mwean to hwur ywou feeleng sest. Geve ap! Geve ap! Eweh, I dwidn’t hwur?”

“Of course, I use body strengthening on you. AND… who do you say have one that kind? How does it feel still can endure bully kid?”

“Swory swory, sest, I steel cen ren eout of exegen. SEST?

“Ahahaha sorry, but you deserve it bully kid.”

She finally releases me.

Of course, I was struggle in pain. But not for the pain, rather for my oxygen supply.

I didn’t feel any pain, no, rather I can’t feel my nose. But still, I can feel my cheek muscles were being pulled.

“Sist, can you tell me about the experiment with your ability you’ve done before?”

“Ok. I’ve done it twice. The first was with my unwounded subject then with the wounded subject. I did what you did to me recently to the unwounded one, and he leave unscratched. But with the wounded one, I’ve tried to strengthen him but he keeps feeling the pain. He said his body feel numb but still can feel the pain in the wounded area.”

“And the third? The last?”

“Didn’t I say it I just did it twi- Ah”

“What’s the different with both trial you’ve done before?”

“Err… I don’t know?”

“Do you feel touching my nose while you touch it?”

“Wait…”

“When I was pinching your left hand, it didn’t feel like touching any skin, it’s like I was touching a super-thin membrane. Very flexible so it’s revealed the surface of your hand were being pressed yet so solid that I can’t feel your skins.”

“Ah yes, to be truth I also feel it when pinching your nose.”

“Then how come you feel pain back then? Is it really just unconsciousness?”

“What you want to say?”

“Back then, you tried to grab an apple on the floor with your right hand, but then you dropped it again, right? How come?”

“I don’t kno-“

“Sist, that time… did your right hand feel numb?”

“…So… that’s it.”

“Area of focus”

“Yes hahaha, to think I would learn from a kid for this hahaha. That time I only focused my ability to my left hand while you pinched it. But when I want to grab the apple, I unconsciously focused it on my right hand so my right hand feels numb and then inadvertently dropped it. And when I pinched your nose… errrr wait, did I sum it up too quickly?”

“Nope, you’re right. When you did it, I can’t feel my nose but still can feel my cheek muscles were being pulled.”

“Ah, go on, go on I enjoy your lecture prof hehehe. Let’s continue”

“Then what you did with your previous trial? I mean, where you were focused it?”

“Errrr... To the whole body, I think. Since I didn’t really think the fundam- basic I mean, so I just bluntly did it all over their body.”

“Fundamental is ok sist. Right after mock me with ‘prof’ you underestimate me?”

“Sworry sworry hahaha. Then is it due to my wrong area-of-focus so the wounded subject could still feel the pain?”

“I assume it is.”

“That make sense”

“Then, let me also tell this. For now, your ‘grace’ has two form of function in it. But you only managed to use both of them simultaneously. I think that would be a reduction of effect at each of them. Bu-”

“Wait, the 2 you mean?”

“The strengthening one, and… the painkiller one. The super-thin membrane was the feature of the ‘strengthening’ one and the nerve anesthetic was the ‘painkiller’ one. You said yours was an A-rank so I think the limit was still unseen for us. If you trained it and skilled up the use of yours then… ah no I think if only you could manage to use only one of it at a time then…”

“Then?”

“Then that would be, Congrats. You’ve finally resolved your problem. You would be able to erase others pain. But you didn’t overcome your fear, you’re still a coward being. But the resolved one. It’s OK, I think. There were so many ways to solve a problem. To use the Beta-path rather than alpha one is acceptable isn’t it?”

“----”

“Theennnn, now, now, now… want to cry again don’t you? Ahahahahaha”

Srttt…*snot

“Wait sist, you really are?”

As we sit in the same sofa, she just cried casually. She bends her legs up, just like how a kid cried. I feel it, she just found the light of her, which she has being beaten mentally while searching for it.

Now I feel guilty. I show her a faint light that can be vanished anytime. What I said is just my assumption, of course it not something baseless, but that not a sure thing also. I just I spice it with some motivation to make her believe she could brighten the light by herself.

“Thanks, Rega. I know it’s just an assumption not a sure thing, but you’re right. I learn from it, I despise that part of me while there is other way to be resolved. I think that’s why the called it ‘grace’. Hey, say it Rega, if it ok if someone keep being their self despite this world is gave you the problem that require you to change?”

Ahh… Her face. Did it counted +1 to “the girl I’ve made cried”.

“Sist, we are human, given what so called ‘free will’. I can’t understand what you meant by require? You have to decide it either you want to change or not. There was nothing absolute. It’s just about perspective. Some says it’s ok not to be changed and keep being yourself while also being resolved but then the rest says that coward is coward even if it resolved, the metamorphosed one is better.”

“---”

“For me, it’s neither of those. The native one is the best, to be solved so many obstacles while keep yourself at place is better for me. Isn’t that like unbreakable tree which has been hit by a countless storm.”

Clap Clap Clap

“Nice speech, so you’re this kind of person huh?”

A person came out from the toilet. Sist nurse, er I mean sist Renanda, fix its position and wiped her tears. To think, this long I still didn’t know her full name.

It’s that woman, the ‘Blue Eyes White Dragon’. KAIBA? were you also in the toilet?