Chris was extremely good at bumper cars. She got fanatic and kicked everyone to the curb, saying sorry in the process. 

But I was out to get her. I really wanted to fuck-up her attitude. There was a fire inside her that she was containing, but I didn’t want it contained. I wanted my alpha to shine.

O shit, my thoughts went there again. 

I knew I shouldn’t see her as my alpha. She wasn’t mine, she was someone else’s. The only thing that was mine were her friendship and hugs. Which was okay. They helped. 

I was devastated, distraught and I wanted to die, and then she came and took me to this theme-park and now I was in a better place. She made me feel like that. Not good, not happy, but a little better.

I rammed my red car into her black one, but I got the worst of the hit since she steered me into someone else like a pro. I only saw HER though. Chris. My alpha. No stop doing that! 

I found her and went straight for her again, as she turned sideways and smacked me into the border. I went for her again, but the cars stopped, and our turn was over.

When we came out she was smiling, and wrapped her arm around me. I wanted to kiss her. 

The thought shocked me, but I did. I really wanted to. I bit my lip as I looked into her dark eyes and wrapped my arms around her waist.

She let me hold her, but turned her head away. She must have noticed.

I was useless. No one wanted me. My fated mate had abandoned me and was marrying another, and the one the claimed me didn’t want me either. Maybe I wasn’t as lovable as my parents had made me out to be. Maybe I just wasn’t good enough. Maybe I was just a stupid omega idiot destined to be abandoned.

Chris noticed my feelings and turned me towards her. “Hey David, are you okay?” she said.

“Yeah sure.” I said. Trying to sound convincing.

Apparently, I wasn’t.

“David, you’ve been through a lot. And it was all other people’s faults. Matt’s, Matt’s parents’, Adam’s, his sister’s and mine. You can’t expect the pain to go away suddenly. Nothing can do that. But you are still you. You still have your entire life ahead of you, and I want you to be happy in the end. You won’t be soon, but I’ll be there to look after you whenever you need me. 

And when you’re ready, you’ll find a nice guy to make your life complete. Hey, he may even be an alpha, he may even claim you fully, and maybe that’ll work. I don’t know for sure, but I would like to think nature wouldn’t fuck us up so bad, it would completely destroy our chances at happiness.”

The words were sound. I didn’t want to argue them, I wanted to believe.

I proposed we hit some more rollercoasters, and Chris smiled. We didn’t have any awkward talks from that moment on, and I truly enjoyed spending time together. I think maybe Chris did too. She felt so different in a rollercoaster. She radiated freedom. I loved it.

When she dropped me off at home I was completely at ease. But as the party across the street drew my attention again, my heart felt like it was squeezed out of my chest. 

Chris noticed. She pulled me in for a close hug in the car and kissed my hair. It did help, but it surely wasn’t enough.

I got out of the car, thanking her for the nice day, which it had been. Then I walked over to the front door and opened it.

My parents came running, they clearly had been sitting around, anxiously waiting for me to return. My mum’s face was puffy, she had been crying. My dad just looked extremely worried.

He was the one that spoke first, betraying what had been on their minds. “Did she…”

“Yeah.” I said sharply, cutting him off. Which resulted in a wide eyed-stare from him as well as my mother. “She took me to a theme park. We rode rollercoasters together, talked and hugged.”  

Their worries annoyed me. My feelings annoyed me. Which was only logical, since the man I loved had gotten married today. I felt damaged and hurt and extremely insecure. The only good thing was that I was tired. A nice kind of tiredness brought on by the adrenaline coursing through my veins the entire day.

“Did it help a little?” my mother asked, her face looked as if she was asking about pain killers for a dying cancer patient.

“The adrenaline boost was nice.” I said flatly.

“Is there anything we can do?” My father said, hope in his voice.

“Yeah,” I said. “Don’t hate Chris. She’s a nice person.”

My mother got that look again.

“No mum! I’m not… she’s not… It’s not like that. She’s been gallant and nice and she’s my friend now. She even told me to try and move on and date other people when I’m ready. Don’t mistake her intentions!”

“We won’t, we’re just worried about you kid.” My dad replied swiftly. My mom didn’t agree with him, I could see it, but she kept her mouth shut.

The silence that followed was killing. But fortunately Gina came to the rescue, saying dinner was ready. She had made ossobuco, my favourite.

I loved every bite of it. My sister was a very good cook, she was gonna make some lucky person very happy someday. I tried participating in normal dinner talks, but my mind kept wandering across the street. Chris had taken my mind off Matt for a bit, distracting me with her rollercoasters. But with the party in the background, my mind went to a dark place indeed.

I wanted to go to bed immediately after dinner, but my sister wouldn’t let me. Gina took me up to her room and got out a bottle of tequila. Then put on an old DVD of Quentin Tarrentino’s ‘from dusk till dawn’.

It was a good mix. She knew she was breaking all the rules by getting me drunk on strong liquor, but she did it anyway, and I let her. ‘Live a little’ Chris’ words echoed through my mind.

“She looks like Chris” I heard myself say about the lady dancing on the table. I don’t know why I blurted that out. It wasn't even really true. 

“How do you feel about her?” Gina asked, pulling herself to her knees on her couch and facing me instead of the movie.

“Weird.”

“Weird how?” She was getting inquisitive, raising one eyebrow. Since her eyebrows were blonde like mine it only had the desired effect because she drew those brown lines in them with make-up.

“I dunno Gina. It feels so nice to be around her, but it feels awkward too. It’s complicated.”

She took a gulp of tequila and passed me the bottle, but keeping the same look on her face. Like she was waiting for me to confess something.

I took a swig then went on: “I can feel the bond. I know she does too. I think she can feel my pain. And I... I think I feel less empty when I’m with her, I feel the need to be close to her. But it’s a different kind of attraction. Nothing like what I had with Matt, but not like a normal friendship either. It’s strange.”

“She doesn’t want any more from you?”

I sighed. “No.”

“Does that hurt you?”

Ow crap my sister was so fucking perceptive. I gave her my ‘fuck-off-sis’-look. She replied with her version of it, but then hugged me.

“You know you’re a wonderful person, right?”

“Fuck you.” I said, pulling away. But my heart stung. ‘NO!’ it screamed. ‘I’m not. No one wants me! And here I am, my heart tied to one person, my soul to another, and they both reject me.’ 

 I didn’t say it, but I cried all the same.

Gina got up to get me a tissue, but instead of waiting for her to bring it over I wiped my tears on my sleeve. I forced myself to stop crying and took a large gulp of the liquor I was still holding. Then I resumed watching the movie. It took me a while to get back into it, and I didn’t understand it at first. Why are there suddenly vampires?

After the movie I went to bed. I closed the curtains, getting a last glimpse at the wedding party, but I didn’t see Matt nor Adam, which was actually a good thing. I lay down in my bed and tried to sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come and get me.

I tried not to think about Matt, but I could only do it by thinking about Chris.

Gina had asked me how I felt about her, and I didn’t have the answer then. I tried to get my feelings for her into words, but the only thing that I had a word for was that she made me feel safe. A completely different type of safe that I was used to feeling in either my parent’s arms or Matt’s. A sort of definite maximum safe. 

It was only a feeling, I knew rationally that I wouldn’t really be safe with her, but still: it had felt exactly like that. 

This wasn’t even the worrying bit. This we could fix. My friendship-plan would take care of that. I was sure of it.

The worrying bit was that, in spite of everything, I thought she was extremely hot. That butt in that suit pants the other day… In her jeans this afternoon… That dark voice… The features of her face: the almond shape of her eyes… 

Her long black eyelashes and the shape of her nose looked feminine, but there was something I hadn’t seen in any woman: the look in those eyes, her sharp jawline and cheekbones. Her broad shoulders and narrow hips. Even that dark long hair dragged back in that silver pin. A pin that she could pull from her hair at any moment, releasing those luscious locks to the world.  

I could see it all in the back of my mind, and my everything screamed SEXY at me. It screamed so bad I didn’t even regard the small boobs she actually had and with which I wouldn’t know what to do if I ever got into the situation, but DAMN I wanted to be in that situation.

This probably wasn’t me. This was the claim doing the talking. I knew this, but it didn’t make it less real.

I jerked off to Matt’s picture, but she wouldn’t get out of my mind. I ended up crying after the fact because I lost my fated Matt and friend-zoned my alpha.

I may be too pitiful to exist.