I barely notice the morning creeping in. I spend the entire night either sitting on the bathroom floor or laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. My mind feels empty and busy at the same time. I try to get a better grasp of last night’s events, but somehow things got even more confusing.

I feel Matt stirring beside me and I freeze. “Morning, Pumpkin.” His arm pulls me to him. “What time is it?”

I force my voice to come out, but it’s only a whisper. “I don’t know.”

“Check your phone then.”

I move out of his arms and my body relaxes a little. I check my phone and see it’s almost noon. I tell him that and open the few texts the girls sent privately.

Jamie

can we talk?

allie?

are you there?

i guess you’re still sleeping

let me know when you wake up

Instead of answering, I open Daisy’s.

daisy 🌼

hey

if you still wanna do something

im done studying

if i get a bad grade so be it

allie?

allison?

HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING?

ive never seen you wake up later than 10

i guess youre dead

I ignore Daisy’s too and just keep staring at the screen.

I jump when Matt’s arms hug me from behind.

“What are you doing?”

“Just reading some texts.” I quickly turn the screen off and get out of his grip. “I need to use the bathroom.” I rush inside and close the door.

I put my phone on the counter and splash some water on my face. I look at the mirror and I see a ghost. My phone buzzes a few times, but I can’t move my eyes. I take in the girl staring back at me, but I can't comprehend it, my brain can’t wrap around the fact that it’s my reflection.

Who is this person?

My phone keeps buzzing and I lose my patience. I pick it up and see texts from Jamie and two missed phone calls.

Jamie

i know you read my texts

can you answer me?

allie

allie are you ok?

answer your phone allison

fuck this

im coming over

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I run out of the bathroom to find Matt opening the door for Jamie.

“Where is-” she looks at me. I feel her eyes taking in every inch of my face and the skin my clothes showed. “Allie, we need to talk.”

“Can we talk-”

“We will talk now.” The serious tone of her voice scares me. “Alone.” She turns to Matt.

“Too bad. I’m not leaving.”

“Yes, you are.” She walks towards him.

“And who’s going to make me? You?” He laughs but she doesn’t budge.

“Yes. Now get out.”

“No.”

“I can make a scene if you want. Maybe the police will join the party, who knows? I could ask them to bring the snacks.” She pulls her phone from her pocket. “What do you think about cheese puffs?”

His body stiffens. “You have five minutes.” He starts walking out the door.

“I’ll have however many fucking minutes as I want.” She slams the door in his face and locks it. “Asshole,” she whispers. Then she turns to me, her eyes much softer but she’s still mad. “Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Allison,” she reprehends me. “I can see it in your eyes.” Her eyes move down to my arms and her voice comes out softer. “I can see it in your skin.” She looks back at my eyes. “Please, Allie. Talk to me.”

I cross my arms to hide the few marks I hadn’t noticed before.

“We got a little excited last night, that’s all.” I turn around and start making my bed.

“Did you? Or did he?” She grabs my arm to turn me and I flinch. The look in her eyes almost breaks me. “What did he do?” Her voice is soft and filled with concern, but I can’t tell her. How could I?

“Nothing. He didn’t do anything. Can we please talk about something else?”

“Allie, I-” She runs her hand through her hair. “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m here for you, it doesn’t matter when, where, how or why. I’m here and you can trust me.” Her voice so soft it is barely audible. The amount of affection and care spilling out of her voice somehow warms me up inside.

“I know, Jamie. But I’m fine. I promise.” I look into her eyes and I almost break down when I find concern and worry. “I really am fine.”

Seconds go by without a word being said. Maybe minutes. She holds my hand and then she finally speaks “Talk to me when you’re ready, but please take care of yourself. Please.” She squeezes my hand and drops it before walking to the door. “And I don’t care about what you just said, I’m still kicking him out right now. He’s not coming back in here today, so if he needs anything that is still here you can give it to me and I’ll take care of it.”

A small smile makes its way to my lips and I go around the room grabbing everything he left behind. When I turn back, her eyes are on my ripped dress on the floor. She looks at me but doesn’t say a word.

I hand her his things and she leaves.

I don’t hear a word from Matt for the rest of the day and I’m thankful. I need to work things out in my mind.