Matt 💙

Allie I’m so sorry

I don’t know what happened last night

Can you please answer my calls?

I get it

You don’t want to talk

Just know that I’m really sorry

I’m an asshole

I don’t deserve you

I love you so much

I need you Allie

I ignore every text Matt sends me on Saturday morning.

The only thing in my mind after I left his house is the alcohol. I’m shocked, mad and scared, but I understand. I get his actions this past week. It wasn’t him, it was the alcohol. Matt would never do that.

I decide to spend the day with the girls to distract myself.

“So, which movie are we watching?” Daisy sits on Jess’ bed.

“Y’all know the kind of movies I like.”

“We’re not watching horror movies, Jess!” Daisy throws a pillow on Jess’ head.

“Why so violent?” Jess laughs. “What about you two?” She turns to look at Jamie and I sitting on Jamie’s bed.

“Maybe White Chicks?” Jamie suggests.

“Yes! I love that movie!” Daisy squeals.

Jess and I agree and the movie starts playing. All my problems fade away and I feel my whole body and mind relax. Even though I know this movie backwards, I still laugh at every single joke.

When the movie ends we’re all quoting different lines and singing the song, but most importantly, I feel happy. When I realize that, I start to tear up and I can’t control the tears from falling.

“Allie, are you ok?” Jamie whispers worriedly. “You’re crying.”

“I’m fine.” I smile. “I’m just happy.”

“And you’re crying?”

“Yes, Jamie. I’m crying because I’m really happy.” I laugh. “I just realized how much I appreciate you guys.”

She smiles. “Awn! You’re such a cute baby!”

“I’m not a baby! Just ‘cause you’re a month older, doesn’t mean I’m a baby.” I pout.

“Poor, baby.” She laughs and then raises her voice as she pinches my cheeks. “You guys, Allie is crying because she appreciates us!”

Daisy runs from Jess’ bed and jumps on me for a hug. “We appreciate you too, Allie! You may be a pain in my awesome ass sometimes, but we still love you.”

We all laugh and keep talking about stupid things until Daisy’s stomach almost screams.

“I’m hungry.”

“Really? Your stomach wasn’t really clear enough, thank you for clarifying,” I shoot back and laugh.

“You don’t have to be rude! I can’t help it! My body needs a lot of energy to be this amazing.” We all laugh and Daisy frowns.

“Why don’t we go to Elena’s for dinner?” Jess suggests.

“Do we have to go there? I’m really tired!” I whine.

“We could call in and pick up the food,” she suggests.

“Great idea. You guys can go and I’ll wait here.”

“Why do we all have to go?” Jamie complains. “I’m tired too!”

“Then Jess and Daisy can go get our food.” I give them my best puppy eyes.

“Fine, I can go, but Daisy has to come too. I’m not going alone.”

“Ok. That way I can pick the bruschettas first.” She jumps off the bed while laughing.

We call Elena and order our food and a while later Jess and Daisy leave. Jamie and I just keep lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. The silence makes my head go back to Matt and the alcohol.

I’ve seen a lot of drunk people, but never once did I see any of them acting like Matt did yesterday. And if the alcohol was really to blame, was he even drunk last week? If he was I would’ve smelled it in his breath, but I don’t remember that. What if he was sober then? And what about yesterday when I asked him to stop kissing me and he didn’t? He was definitely sober then.

The way he’s made me feel this past week makes me nauseous. I should feel happy and safe with him, but I don’t. I should feel at least a fraction of what I was feeling earlier with the girls, but the happiness with him was completely gone.

“I think I have to break up with Matt,” I whisper. There’s no answer, so I turn my head to check if Jamie was sleeping, but she was staring at the ceiling too. “Did you hear me?” She slightly nods and I look back up. “I don’t like the way he’s been treating me this past week.” I close my eyes and feel the tears come for what seems like the millionth time this week. “And I don’t like the person I’ve become because of him.” I turn my gaze back to her and this time I meet her eyes. “I should’ve listened to you.” My whisper is barely audible, but she pulls me in a tight hug.

“Don’t be hard on yourself. What really matters is that now you see things clearly.”

I nod, “I’m talking to him tomorrow. I have to do this.”

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

I hug her even tighter.

After a few seconds I pull away and go wash my face before the girls get back.

“Who wants food?” Jess’ voice is muffled by the bathroom door.

“I do.” I smile while getting back to the bedroom.

Daisy looks at me and frowns, probably taking in my red face and slightly puffy eyes. “Are you ok? Have you been-”

“Let’s eat!” Jamie cuts her off and I’m glad. I don’t want to explain anything to them right now.

“You two better get started ‘cause Daisy almost ate half the bruschettas on the way here. I managed to save them after that, but I don’t know if they’ll survive now.”

“That’s a lie! I only ate three!”

“Three out of eight is almost half.” Jess laughs while unpacking our food.

“Whatever.” Daisy sits on the floor. “Oh! Scott is coming over! He texted me while we were out and I invited him to hang out.”

“Then you better eat before he arrives and you have to share,” I tell her, my voice filled with sarcasm, but she starts eating right away.