To be honest, John didn't sleep that much that night. He lay in bed, listening to Alex's soft breaths, staring at the ceiling.

He was absolutely terrified.

How long had Alex been doing this to himself? From the look of all the fading scars on his arm, it had been a while.

John rolled over. He couldn't seem to sleep. His brain was on hyperdrive, thinking over everything that Alexander had done before.

Warning signs.

Well, he never slept. And he didn't eat that much. And now that John thought about it, all the little things started to click together, making a picture tht he didn't really want to see the outcome of.

Alex had never changed in front of him.

He never talked about his life before college.

He always wore long sleeved shirts.

He disappeared into the bathroom for long periods of time.

John thought back to when they had had their fight. Alex had worn a sweatshirt the next day with longer sleeves, and kept pulling them back down. John had thought that it was a nervous tic.

Evidentely not.

It all added up to something:

How long had Alex been hiding this?

And when was he going to stop?

X

Alex woke up the next day to someone jumping on his bed.

"What the-" he mumbled, and sat up, then fell back.

A grinning Peggy was bouncing on his ankles, apparently waiting for him to wake up.

"Morning!" She said cheerfully, and Alex stared at her. "How did you get in here?"

"Key," Peggy chirped, and Alex turned to look at John, who was sitting on his own bed. "Does everyone have a key to our dorm?" He asked, and John shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

"Um, yeah, we're here too," a voice said, and Alex jumped so hard that Peggy almost went flying off of his legs.

He turned to find Angelica and Eliza waving at him from the desk chairs. "We brought muffins," Eliza said, and held out a brown bag. Angelica smiled at him.

Alex suddenly became hyperaware of the fact that he had no sleeves on. He tugged a blanket around his shoulders and slid deeper underneath his comforter. He sent a glance to John, who stared at him blankly for a second until Alex flexed his wrists. John's face lit up with an oh expression, and he stood up. "Okay, everybody out," he said, and the girls groaned. "Why?" Peggy pouted, and John fumbled for an answer. "Because Alex needs to change!"

Angelica raised her eyebrows, "There's a bathroom," she said, and Alex glared at John. John stared back at him with a panicked expression.

"Um-" John muttered, and Alex blurted the first thing that popped into his head.

"I'm naked!"

Peggy shot up as though she had been burned. "Kay, I'm out!" She yelped, and flung open the door, her sisters at her heels. "Same!" Angelica exclaimed, racing out, and Eliza slammed the door after her.

John slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to silent his laughter, while Alex face palmed, groaning. "Out of all of the excuses I have, that's the one I use," he complained, and John started laughing again. "Hey, at least now you can change," he said, and Alex pretended to glare at him. "Why are they even here?" he asked, and John shrugged. "Angelica wants to go shopping? I don't know. She said something about a bookstore she thinks you'll like."

Alex jumped up. "If books are on the agenda, then I'm going," he said, and snatched up his stuff.

One hour later Alex had a stack of books taller than his head and was manuvering his way around Barnes and Noble, trying not to fall over from the towering novels.

John started laughing when he saw his boyfriend, staggering around like a drunken elk, and immediately started grabbing books off of the pile so that Alex could see.

"Find anything interesting?" He asked, grinning, and Alex's eyes lit up.

"They have so much on History! And Law! And, look!" Alex held up a thick, creamy white book that seemed to be at least 600 pages thick. "They even have something on Lin-Manuel Miranda!"

John squinted. "Wasn't that dude, like, part of the Revolution or something?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "Yes, John,'that dude' was part of the Revolution." His face fell suddenly and he slowly set his books down. John frowned. "What's wrong?"

Alex sighed. "I don't have a way to pay for this," he said, and picked up the pile again, almost tipping over in the process. "I guess I'll have to put them back." Alex looked longingly at the Miranda book before retracing his steps.

John started grabbing books back as Alex walked up and down the aisles replacing them, putting them back into a neat stack until Alex turned around. "John," he said, "what are you doing?"

John gently set the books down, then stood back up. "Look, before you put all of your precious babies back, I have a gift for you. And you can't refuse it!" He said quickly as Alex opened his mouth. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, extracting a credit card. "Look, my dad wants me to be a lawyer, right? Well, he gave me this card at the beginning of the year for school stuff, and since he's like incredibly rich," John rolled his eyes, "If he sees all of these books on history and law and whatever, he'll be happy that I'm buying them. So, really, you're doing me a favor if I get them."

Alex had started shaking his head in the middle of John's spiel. "No way," he said," I can't do that! This has to be like 200 dollars of books! And besides, that's lying to your dad!"

John scoffed. "So what? He's an asshole. Might as well take advantage of getting this while he still gives me money. I mean, we all know he's writing me out of his will! Why not use this to our benefit while we still can?"

Alex was obiviously debating with himself, but evidentely the book lover part of him won. "Fine," he grumbled, and starting carting his books up to the cash register. "I hate you for this!" He shouted over his shoulder, and John smiled. "Love you too, honey!" He called, and Alex flipped him off.

"Ah, yes, young love," snorted Peggy as she came up behind John, and he gave her a small shove as she walked by. "Oh, shut up, you haven't even been in a serious relationship yet," he said, and she stuck her tongue out at him. "Maria and I are getting along perfectly, thank you!"

When they got back to the dorms, Alex immediately dove into his book pile. He was in ankle deep when there was a knock at the door. John stood up, "I'll get it." When he pulled open the door, he saw Hercules standing there uncomfortably. "Whats wrong?" John instantly asked, and Hercules shrugged. "Can I talk to you"-he glanced at Alex-"outside?"

John and Herc seemed to be having a conversation through telepathy, because a moment later John looked at Alex. "I'll be right back," he said, and stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind him. Alex jumped up as soon as the door shut and pressed his ear too the wood, straining to hear anything.

"Won't eat..."

"We talked last night, its fine-"

"Laf won't stop worrying, John, he's pulling out his hair again..."

The knob started to turn and Alex threw himself back onto the floor, straining to make everything look normal.

"Hey Alex, would you mind coming over here for a minute?" Alex looked up and pretended to be surprised. "Okay."

He followed Hercules back into his dorm, to where Laf and John were sitting on a bed. Laf was sitting cros-legged looking uncomfortable, absentmindedly tugging on the stray hairs that fell out of his messy ponytail, and John gently pulled his hand away. As soon as Lafayette saw Alex he started speaking in French so rapidly that Alex had to think for a few seconds before replying. They spoke quickly with each other, while John and Hercules tried to follow along but failed.

Hercules poked Alex in the arm. "What's he saying?" Alex shrugged Herc off and went back to speaking with Laf before saying anything.

"Lafayette is worried about me," he muttered, and sat down at the desk chair. Laf started saying something again in French before Alex snapped back at him, shutting Laf up. The Frenchman frowned and watched Alex suspiciously.

"Alex, whats happening?" John asked, glancing between the two boys. Alex let out a sigh that seemed to go on forever before replying. "Laf is extremely worried about me, even though I'm fine," he repeated, shooting a meaningful look at Lafayette, who rolled his eyes, "and I told him that he needs to stop fretting about everything and stop pulling his hair out." Laf snatched his hand away from his head.

Hercules frowned. "I think we're all worried after what happened yesterday..." He trailed off, glancing at Alex. Laf shot Alex a triumphant look.

John looked at Alex. "I think it's time to tell them," he prompted, and Alex just nodded in defeat. "Fine," he muttered.

At least he could make this short and sweet. Hopefully.

"When I was 13, I got shipped to the States after a hurricane destroyed my town in the Caribbean. I was the only person that survived the storm, and when I got here the government didn't know what to do with me, so they put me in foster care. I started self harming when I was 14, and developed an eating disorder a little while after that. When I was 15 I attempted suicide and got put in the hospital for a week. I've been diagnosed with borderline severe depression and an anxiety disorder, and I get frequent panic attacks." He finished and took a deep breath, avoiding looking at everyone.

"This has now been sufficiently awkward and I would prefer that you would not treat me any different," Alex added, and he glanced at John, who gave him an incouraging smile.

Hercules cleared his throat. "Alex, trust me, we won't treat you any different. We all have stuff wrong with us," he said, gesturing to Laf, John, and himself. "I have a hard time dealing with my OCD sometimes, and Laf has GAD (generalized anxiety order) and he deals with it by trying to pluck himself bald," Hercules once again smacked Lafayette's hand away from his hair; Laf sat on his hands and smiled sheepishly. "So trust me, you''re not the only one thats screwed up," Herc continued, raising his eyebrows.

"Thanks, guys," Alex muttered. He felt better, but at the same time he knew that they probably would treat him a little gentler, like he was a unstable bomb that could go off at any moment. It had happened with every friend group he had had, and eventually Alex had just given up on trying to make friends when he moved because he was sick of being pitied time and time again.

"I'm kind of tired, I think I'm gonna go take a nap," Alex announced. He wanted to leave as soon as possible.

"Okay, I'll be back in a little while," John said, and Alex nodded. He waved goodbye to Laf and Hercules, and went back to his room.

As soon as Alex shut the door, he felt okay again. He just wanted to be alone for a while. He crawled into bed and pulled the blankets over his head, welcoming the darkness.

At least for now he was keeping his head above water.

The only problem was, Alexander didn't know how long he could keep that up.