TW: TALKS OF ABUSE AND SCARING

"So, you know how your soulmate is- was- a boy, and how Scarlett's is a boy, and Alex's-"

"Yes, Callie, I know that a girl's soulmate is a boy. What about it?" She looked concerned at what I was going to tell her, like I was pregnant or something. If only. At least then there would be a number of things I could do about it.

"So, uh, I'm not sure how to word it differently in any way but my soulmate is a girl. Not a boy."

Mom blinked. And did again. "Oh. How long have you known?"

"You know when I would complain about period cramps...? They were hers, actually. I don't get my own cramps, at least not now, and I've known since she's gotten her period."

"I see. Have you talked to her a lot?"

"I guess, yeah."

"And what's she doing right now?"

"Sleeping, no doubt."

"Really?" 

"Yeah." Mom made such a surprised and shocked face I laughed and had to explain. "Mom, she's in the UK. It's probably like 2 A.M. there right now."

"Oh. Yeah, of course." I laughed more, but then stopped when I noticed this was turning serious. "Um, whenever you talk next, tell her how much you appreciate her and that her being a girl shouldn't change anything thing in your future relationship, every other girl in the world being with a boy and all."

"Actually, same-sex couples are growing in frequency."

Mom put her arms up. "What do I bother giving you advice?" Then she smiled at me and we hugged. "I'm glad you told me. At least now I won't be surprised when you lack interest in boys." I mumbled a question against mom's shoulder, but she just squeezed me harder in reassurance and I closed my eyes against her.

***

I was still lying in bed, staring towards my ceiling in the dark, when my phone vibrated on my nightstand. I turned in bed and grabbed my phone, turning down the brightness and not even needing to see who it was to know.

"You haven't sent a good night text. Are you still awake?" I looked at the time. 12:05 A.M.

"Yeah, I've had trouble sleeping."

"What? How come? What happened?"

"I told my mom."

"Told her what?" When I didn't reply, she understood. "Oh. How did it go?"

"It went well. She tried giving me advice but I just mentioned what she was giving advice for wouldn't be a problem."

"Oh? And what was she trying to give you advice for?"

"You. Being soulmates with you, and not some boy, specifically."

"Speaking of, I had a question. Two, actually."

"Yeah?"

"You've known I was a girl since I first got my period, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you ever mention it to me? You being a girl and knowing I was, too?"

It took me a moment to respond, for more reasons than one. "Mostly anxiety. I worried you wouldn't want to meet or even talk at all anymore-though we didn't even talk much then-if I told you. I overthought it."

"Now I have another question. But first, after you realised, and since, have you been attracted to any girl like a boy would, or would it just be me you're attracted to?"

"I've noticed things with friends. Little things, things their soulmates will come to love and adore that they don't realize. Alex swipes loose hair behind her ears that just fall back more when she's nervous, Lynn hums to herself while doing homework, but it's not even a song just random humming, things like that. But I'll never see them as a potential girlfriend. Not for me.

"They'll all be with their soulmates in the end, and if they aren't they know they can come to me for comfort about it. I think I'll always notice girls, like we were supposed to notice boys, but I'll never notice any of them in the same light that I'll notice you."

"I was wondering... What happened with your dad? With that part about not being with your soulmate in the end and you saying they'd come to you, and that argument I heard when we called. You don't need to answer, of course, if you don't want to."

"It's fine. My father left my mom, my sister, and I when I was young. Very young. He was with her when I was born and abusive to me then to her, and then left and then showed up in my mom's life again, twisting lies to look like truth, long enough to conceive my sister, and left again. My mom was living with her mom, but after my sister was born we needed to get our own place, so we did. My dad showed up when my sister was about 2 weeks and helped and wasn't rude, but then after 2 months he was abusive to us all again and left us, and we haven't seen him since. 

"It was rough when he left, every time, and I don't know what's become of him or if he's changed in any tiny way. What I do know though is that sometimes, soulmates fall through. They did for my mom, and others, and they will continue. Not every soulmate will leave each other, and some soulmates will just be friends and not romantic in any way, but it will continue to happen. My friends know that he isn't someone we mention, and my mom have rules not to or even say his name, so they always know if their soulmate leaves them, leaving a child in the process or no, they have me; someone who was raised by one parent, someone who knows secondhand what it's like and how to help."

"Oh my God, that's terrible. I don't want to sound insensitive or rude, but do you have any scars from him?""

"It's okay, we are soulmates and you're curious. I shouldn't need to hide anything from you, not now. But yeah, I do. BHe burned my shoulderblades one time, and now you can tell that have damage and it can hurt a bit to move my arms if it means they stick out either too much or for too long. Anyway, what about you? Why were you asking about how I feel about other girls and all?"

"Oh. Just how the girl that interrupted our call was getting touchy and feeling, which is mostly normal, but it felt weird. I couldn't stop thinking about how you, my soulmate, are a girl like me and her and have the same body."

"Oh, yeah. I've been there before. It can be awkward, and they don't even realize."

"Really?" I could tell she was surprised she wasn't the only one.

"Yeah. I told my friends just earlier about you, too. And they made me tell my mom, so."

"Oh? Isn't that, like, bad? To force someone to say something to someone else about same-sex attraction?"

"Yeah, it is. But I had to tell her eventually, and a part of me knew she was going to be fine with it, so I was fine with it."

After a moment, she responded. "You should probably sleep."

"I should. But I can't."

"Okay... Do you want to do something, then? I've heard it's something some people do sometimes."

"Uh, sure. Why not?"

"Okay." Then my phone started flashing with the incoming video call screen from Skype. I accepted it and it loaded Harper.

It showed her sitting with her head resting on her fist, her probably sitting at a desk. It looked like she was in a bedroom, though it didn't look feminine, more like a boy's bedroom. I looked around more and saw a bed behind her, but then realized there was a boy asleep in it. 

"Uh, who's the boy in the bed?" I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things, but indeed, there was a brown with brown hair under the covers in the bed. Harper looked very alarmed and looked behind her, then realized what I was talking about and relaxed.

"Oh. It's my brother, Oliver. We talked all night long last night and I fell asleep in his room." She rubbed a hand down her face. I looked at my picture on the screen and you could see my face from the light from my screen and Harper's surroundings.

"Okay. What was this idea thing you had?"

"Oh! Yeah. Okay, so I guess some couples-" Harper blushed a bit as she realized what she said. "I mean, not that we're an actual couple or anything... But!" She recovered and continued, "They'll video chat when they're apart and going to sleep, and just video chat the whole time until they fall asleep, not even necessarily talking or anything, just being able to see the other."

"That sounds cool, and romantic in a way. So you'd just be doing whatever and I'll just be here trying to sleep?"

"Yeah. I could just talk about random stuff or whatever if you want, too."

"Hm." Something about the video chat made me want to sleep. "How about you talk about what you and your brother stayed up late to talk about?" Harper looked back at her brother and agreed, then left his room and went to, presumably, her own room. While she did so I put my phone up so even when I finally drifted off to sleep, the phone wouldn't fall and she could still see me. I then plugged it in so if Harper didn't end up hanging up my phone wouldn't die.

"Well, my brother and I are usually very close." She pulled out a coloring book and markers as she spoke. "We're twins, you see." She started coloring the pages in the book. "We always got along growing up, but recently we haven't been talking as much as we used to. I was avoiding him and he knew I was, but didn't know how to stop me from continuing more." She kept talking, but I just fell asleep while she spoke.