Trigger warning: This chapter contains mentions of child abuse in flashback (italics).

A hand held my own tightly, so much larger than my tiny palm. I looked up into that face, so much like an older version of mine. Or was I a younger version of her? Her silky black hair and wise brown eyes matched my own.

Is it arrogant to think that my eyes were wise, even so young? I don't think so. It's the truth, after all. I've been old since I was new.

I waved goodbye as she went to work. Sadness weighing down my chest.

That evening, Dad came home. He had been drinking again, I could smell it. Taste it on his breath as he put his face too close to mine.

He pushed me to the ground, calling me names. His feet so pale against my brown skin, something I inherited from my mom. It seemed to make him angry, something I could never wrap my head around.

Why? Why marry my mother, only to hate the daughter that resembled her so? Why have me in the first place, when he was only going to hurt me? Why to so many things.

Humans. Unable to see their own fallacies. Their own cruelties. Even then, at such a young age, believing myself to be one of them, I knew. I knew that humanity was terrible, completely beyond redemption.

I stared up at that man: At my mortal father. The fool of a man who married someone he hated because of her skin, only to hurt her with unkind words. And to hurt his own daughter even worse. I stared at him. And I laughed at how pathetic he was.

I wake from the dream, feeling oddly out of place. As if the past is where I'm meant to be, not here. What a stupid notion. I may not exactly belong here in the Valley, but it's the best I have.

I leave my cave, having come here to try to sleep. It wasn't as if Ezi was up to showing me his weird new ability when he returned earlier, so I figured I may as well lay down. Relief washes over me when I realize it's nighttime. Properly this time. Good. I expect it'll last longer than the usual 12 hours with Ezi's condition though. I close my eye and release more of my aura than usual, allowing it to blanket the world in an even thicker cover of night. A longer night means more time for Ezi to rest and recover.

Many Spirits seem to have this misconception that Ezi starts to fade during the night because of my darkness harming him. But that couldn't be further from the truth. He starts to fade purely from the exhaustion of lighting the sky all day long, all alone.

I go to the small clearing, finding Ezi, Jake, and the human. She's been given a pillow and blanket by now - Lilo had run off to "borrow" one after their little Serpent adventure - while Ezi lays in his pile of soft things once again. Jake is dancing, his flames beautiful against the night sky.

"Hey," I say, to which Jake smiles warmly, stopping his movements. "How is he?"

"Hard to tell, if I'm bein' honest," he admits. "Y'know he keeps shit locked up. 'Sides, he's dead asleep."

"Don't say it like that, it's a bad omen."

"Like we ain't dead already, Cyn."

"You know what I mean!" I huff. "And we can still fade, dumbass. Anyway, you mind if I practice?"

"Long as I ain't the target."

"Deal. And you can't try to court me into dancing!"

Jake doesn't reply, just sticking out his tongue and going back to what he was doing. Guess we have a deal, then. I try not to stare at him as he dances, instead forming a sword to practice swings, stabs, slashes, and even the occasional block.

The "practice" is useless, especially without a sparring partner, but the movement is soothing. I find my sword harder to hold than usual, seeing how I still don't have all my fingers. What a pain in the ass.

Jake and I both go still when we sense a Water Spirit approaching. The higher one, no less. They look at me with piercing blue eyes. Not the neon of Jake's, but a cool and tranquil colour, like the permafrost of Zensar.

"Who are you tonight?" I ask, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice, but my aura must betray me. It's so hard to hide emotions from other Elementals.

"I'm Angelo," he says, gesturing to his masculine body as he enters the area. I just shrug. Angelo has one hand on his hip, the other holding his whip.

"And what are you doing here, Ang?" Jake asks, keeping his voice as level as mine.

"You want a fight or something?" I say next, eye on his whip. But the Water shakes his head.

"The Light showed off a new ability today, so I was curious. Well, an ability new to all of us anyway. What I want to know is this: How many others has he kept hidden?" He lifts his chin to look down his nose at us. Neat trick, considering both Jake and I are taller than him. "And how many have you kept from us, Shadow?"

"That's uncalled for, Angelo!" Jake snaps, taking a step forward. I place a hand in front of him.

"Number one: My name is Cynthia," I start. "Number two: I didn't know about that power of Ezi's. Neither did Jake or anyone else, even Ezi didn't know, from the sounds of it. Number three: I have no reason to hide anything. I'm a recluse, not a traitor. And you damn well know that!"

"And what if you're lying to me right now? You're a Shadow Spirit."

"Oh, right, how could I have forgotten? Because humans fear the dark, you all think it's fair to hate me for being its source! How could my simple mind possibly forget about what infallible justice you common Elementals have! It's based off mortal morality, which - we all know - is absolutely not an oxymoron!"

"Cyn," Jake whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder. I shrug him off and growl.

"Look," I continue, "it's fair to fear and hate me for my personality. I hate me too!" I get closer, pushing against Angelo's shoulder. It's a gentle tap at worst, but he steps back anxiously anyway. "But don't you dare make assumptions about me because of my element! Ezi, too. Or anyone! You're just being a jackass!"

"It's called being cautious of the unknown."

"No, it's called being a dick, Angelo. Now get outta here before my foot gets aquainted with your ass in an extremely intimate way!"

He hesitates but turns on his heel quickly enough. "Good riddance. Asshat!" I call after him, and I can hear Jake snickering beside me.

I'm in my cave now, mindlessly drawing on the floor with my knife. It's the only space I have left in here. I draw swirling, looping patterns, though it's slow going on the uneven surface. I wish I could get a decent sketchbook somehow. And pencils, I guess.

It's around midday, and I still can't sleep after that stupid dream and my not-so-friendly chat with Angelo. I'm grateful to sense Ezi arrive outside, and I stand to greet him. The blade I had been using fades the moment I let go of it. My friend looks tired when I push away the vines and see his face. At least he has all his pieces back, which is more than I can say for myself.

He grins at me. "Morning, Cyn! Nice day, isn't it?"

"Well, that's self-congratulatory for a Light Spirit to say. Gotta tell you though, it's darker than usual. Looks like I'm one step closer to eternal night!"

His expression doesn't so much as flinch. "I bet you'll be happy when that happens, won't you?"

I sigh at him. There's weight behind those words, and we both know it. It's a weight that pulls him down, makes his narrow shoulders slump. I doubt he wants to talk about it, so I change the subject. "So, I want your side of the story about yesterday. With the big-ass snake."

He finally loses the grin, turning more serious. Or maybe just blank. It's hard to tell with him. He sits down right outside my cave, leaning against a tree. I sit next to him, our knees barely touching. And he tells me. The story is virtually the same as what I heard before. The same underlying confusion in his words that everyone else had.

So, he really had no idea. I think. "What made you try something like that?" I ask aloud, cheek resting in my palm.

Ezi stares at his hand a moment, trying to decide how to put words to his thoughts, most likely. "I guess it was... instinct? Something inside me knew it would work. I actually don't even remember ripping out my hair, I was just suddenly attacking."

"Really? You don't usually dissociate that badly in combat, do you?"

"No. I do go blank when I fight sometimes, but I don't usually just forget it all. Cyn, it's so weird. I don't know where it came from." He starts pulling on his hair.

I'm just as puzzled as he is. Ezi has shown signs of amnesia when it comes to his time as a human, but I'm not aware of that being an issue since entering his Spirit form. If anything, Ezi would have retrograde amnesia - the loss of memory for things that happened before the major event that caused the illness - which wouldn't be affecting his current memory. Hell, I've wondered plenty of times if he has retrograde amnesia. He didn't even speak a language when I met him, and he's so... ignorant of human life. I wonder if I could learn more. Maybe if I stole some human book-

"Cyn? You just went quiet." Ezi touches my shoulder.

"Sorry, just thinking."

"What about?"

"Well... Have you ever experienced issues with memory? You know, from your human-"

"My memory is perfect," he snaps, tone sharper than anything I've heard from him. His expression is cold and intense, startling me into silence. Okay, I can scrap that theory.

"Right. Sorry," I apologize awkwardly. "I can't think of any other reason though, Ezi. I'm outta ideas."

"What does it matter? It makes no difference why it happened. It still happened."

"So what if it doesn't change things? Aren't you curious? Hell, maybe it has something to do with us being the last of our elements! I don't know how it wold be connected, but that's the thing that sets us apart from others, right?"

"Have you ever had something like this happen?" he asks, voice still uncharacteristically sharp, even quieter than usual. I have to rely on reading his thoughts just to know what he's saying.

"No. But-"

"Then it's not that."

I sigh. This is getting us nowhere. I decide to try something else. "How did you even get here without Jake up your ass? He was watching you all night."

The change in Ezi is instant. His hair fluffs up, the way it always does when he's flustered. "I-I told Amanda to keep him distracted since I wanted to see you. Alone. I'm sure he'll be here any moment.