The truth is that in this world, power is an illusion. You think you have power over your life. You think going to school and studying hard will make you successful. You think afterwards you will go to work in an office to make lots of money and that will make you happy. You think one day you will have enough and that will let you die. All of this is untrue. The truth is that things happen.

People die.

For most that is the end. For those taken by the virus, it is unfortunately not. That is what makes the virus so scary. It takes away the one thing we all thought we would have.

It takes away death.

Our world was not always like this. Before the pandemic, I was a world class athlete. People thought I had it all. I disagreed, I was never more lonely. Every day at the gym, working the bag, grappling with trainers, teaching myself to master my body. It made me hard, and it made me physically strong. I was born and bred for a war. But it wasn’t the war I wanted to fight.

I couldn’t relate to people. Had so few friends I might as well not have had a phone. It looked like I was winning, but inside, I was slowly dying. I wanted things to change.

Over a black star, I wished for the world to change during the new year.

It was a mistake.

I should have wished for the world to change for the better. Instead…it became like this after New Years Eve, 2021. Now in this world of endless violence, I am truly alone. I tried so hard to save everyone. I thought I had this power. The truth is I can’t save anyone. I can die over and over but one day, just like everyone else, I will die no more. For I will become one with the Gray. And then…perhaps I will no longer be alone.

Maybe I shouldn’t be running from death.

#

“Hey, you alive?”

“Hah!” I surge up from my terrible dreams like I can escape the future they hold for me if I just open my eyes. That’s impossible though. Whatever twisted nightmares await me are unavoidable. That is the only thing I know for sure.

Despite all my power, you cannot escape the inevitable.

Eventually, you…will…break.

My eyelids shoot open like hummingbird wings, fluttering with supersonic speed. Something is staring into my eyes. Wide eyes, pale skin, black hair, I know what this is. A person?

“Oh my god!” The girl in front of me backs away. She’s really cute. Fancy that, there are still cute girls in this world? Now that she’s moved out of the way, I can see three guys and two more girls behind her. This time it’s my turn to widen my eyes. “I didn’t expect you to actually be alive!” Her voice is breathy. Under her long black hair, I can see a juicy pulse jumping in her neck. Don’t think about it, Hei. You’re alive right now. The Gray thinks like that. You’re human. You don’t eat humans.

“…” I don’t say anything, just push my palms against the dusty ground. It’s cold, but then I’m on my feet and I can rise slowly. The other humans stare at me with fear in their eyes. They are afraid because I am not one of them. They should be. If only they knew what I am. What I have done. But no one knows.

Just me.

“It’s okay! We have food! Don’t be scared!” The girl gets off the ground as well. “I’m Yin. We’re trying to get out! You want to come with?” She straightens, offering her hand. There aren’t many people who would trust their hand to a stranger these days. I’m not one of them. The girl named Yin, tightens her face ever so slightly, and her companion’s distrust turns to tension. Despite my wariness, I’m not afraid of them. Nothing can be as bad as bad as that time. I shudder remembering what I did, what I had to do.

If that guy hadn’t stopped me, would I still be out there? Walking endlessly alone? Hunting forever?

“He’s useless. Leave him.” One of the guys, a taller man who looks like a college student shrugs. He comes up behind Yin and tugs on her shoulder. She brushes off his hand, trying to look in my eyes. I turn my head down, staring at the ground. What do you think you’ll find in my eyes?

You can’t see it. Even if I let you look, you wouldn’t see the things I saw. The things I did.

The man smirks, tossing his blonde ponytail sideways. “See, he’s wasted. Probably insane.”

“Maybe…” Yin finally gives up when I refuse to look at her. She stands up and goes back to her friends. They start to walk away, occasionally shooting glances back my way. I watch them go. I’m so lonely. But it’s better this way. I can’t be in a party again. Not after last time. The girl calls out to me one last time. “If you change your mind, we’ll be going North. Just follow the star.”

She points up at the sky, worriedly. Though I look away, I can still see her sadness as her friends pull her along. They don’t look strong. I don’t think any of them are Hunters. All they can do is run and run. But the dead never get tired. And there will always be more.

When I move, my back cracks from sleeping on the hard ground. I’m almost out of supplies. Looking around, I sigh. Wastelands all around. Dry, dirty, cold and barren. How did it all go to hell so fast? I had forgotten what it was like in the beginning.

Why was I sent back here?

Checking my canteen, it sloshes quietly. A little too quietly.

Running low.

I force myself to start walking.

They went this way. I don’t want to run into them again. But I need water.

The sky changes, growing darker. The warm sun is drifting away and cold night draws near. After the world changed, the silver moon grew larger, brighter in the sky. It gives frail humans more-light to see them coming. Now I sleep during the day and awake at night. Just like the dead. In order to beat them, I must think like they do.

Well, I probably shouldn’t act like I wasn’t nocturnal before.  

The ruined buildings have crumbled quickly outside the major city zones. Whatever unnatural force has pulled us into this terrible game has changed the rules. The topography of the land, all the maps we had before, the satellites and GPS which could tell you to turn left and walk here, none of them make sense anymore. A few places are still where they used to be, but if you trust anything from before you’ll regret it.

If you kill enough zombies, you’ll get a HUD, a sort of user interface which tells you your level. A map can be unlocked which records all the places you’ve been at level 5. But I am no longer a Hunter. So, I have to rely on memory. If I go the other way, the direction I went in my last life, I think I’ll find Sasha, James, and the others again. That is, if this world is really the same as my previous life.

“Have I really come back to the beginning, just like that? Why did that happen after hitting Lvl. 100?” My words fall on a cold, empty audience. The silent buildings laugh at me, mocking my helplessness. “The System…did it curse me? Was it because I was the first to break the Lvl. 100 limit?”

My heart thumps just thinking about it. I don’t know what caused me to turn into…that…thing. For a brief moment after it happened, it was like I could hear it speaking to me. The Gray was in control, not me. That’s what I’ll call it. I should have a name for evil. Damnit, is it even safe to think about it? What the hell happened?

“Sasha…I’m sorry…I can’t face you.” I turn away from the West. The party was all I knew. We grew up fighting the Calamity together until we earned the title, Five Death Gods. But now that’s not going to happen. My skin isn’t thick enough to pretend I don’t remember her taste. It’s all wrong.

So, so wrong…

I want to…

See her again.

But I can’t face her after…what I did. Even if she doesn’t know, I’ll know. If that Hunter hadn’t come along, would I still be out there, eating…NO

I DON’T WANT TO REMEMBER THIS!

Closing my eyes, I just listen to the Wasteland for a while. If I think too hard, I’ll remember what happened again. And what the Gray said.

It wasn’t real. Don’t think about it. It was just the virus. Not you…Ahhh!

Putting my hands over my ears, I shudder, rocking back and forth on my feet. It’s too soon. Just a few days ago I was hunting zombs with them. I was one of the top Hunters. Now…I’m nobody and I can never party again. If I grew too strong…and I died again, would another Hunter be able to stop me? This is the beginning of the Calamity, right? Everyone’s still figuring out the System. I need to avoid leveling. If that thing gets control of my body it’ll be unstoppable.

“Ahhhh!” Suddenly the scream of a girl crashes through my musing. Instantly, my thoughts go back to the newbies from earlier. It has to be them.

At this point, I doubt anyone has even figured out how to level yet.

I don’t want to get involved. I don’t know them. But I can’t just let them get eaten. Breaking into a jog, I follow the path between two rotting houses and come out of the gap to see the undead. Six zombies, a family by the look of it, shamble towards the river. Trapped against the water is the student party from earlier. Yin is shrieking, her long black hair dripping water as the blonde dude waves a tree branch at the undead. “Help! Donovan do something!”