(Warning extreme violence and depression: this episode may be triggering to some readers)

My dreams are of me as a baby landing on earth in a rocket, then Master takes me up to an orphanage door and leaves me there. I see myself from above, I’m an alien! My skin is greenish blue and riddled with stars. Then the door opens and it’s my parents. They gasp and pick me up but, the second they touch me my skin changes to “normal”. ‘If I could change my skin, hair, and eye color all the time why did I choose red hair?!’ I look at myself as a baby a little longer feeling my consciousness rising as I awaken. Opening my eyes I look at my skin and plead it to change. Of course it does nothing because it’s just a dream. I sigh kind of feeling sick as my memories wash over me. I wrap my arms around myself, I just want to go back to sleep. 

Then the comforting weight pressed up against me shifted. Drac raises his head looking at me blearily and then snaps awake. 

“You okay?” He asks sitting up. I feel like I’m going to throw up. 

“Not really.” He snuggles up against me. Tall enough to bury his face in my hair, “Sorry.” He mumbles grittily. 

I stare at nothing, “I should be happy, shouldn’t I? I mean,” I laugh humorlessly, “it makes so much sense!” Looking at my hands in front of me I bury my face in them, “So I don’t know why it hurts so much.” 

“Your whole life is a lie so you should be pretty shaken.” He says with a shrug, “Considering everything you’re taking it surprisingly well.” I sniffle. He twists around so he’s in front of me and suddenly I remember his kiss. I flush and bite my lip subconsciously. That draws his eyes and he starts to smile, “I think I know how to make you feel better though.” He wraps a hand around my waist and leans forward. My heart pounds and I smell that cave-like scent again, my head feels foggy but my heart panics, ‘You can’t let him kiss you, you have a Master! He’s attractive, he’s really, really attractive but-’ 

“Wait!” I gasp covering his mouth before it can touch mine, “My Master.” He tilts his head looking genuinely confused. 

“What?” He mumbles through my hand. 

“Yes, what about your Master?” My Master’s voice sends shivers of horror up my spine. I turn and am aware of how this must look. Both of us ruffled from sleep whilst in Drac’s nest. I push a little harder on Drac’s mouth. It draws my Master fiercely, glowing, red eyes. 

“Master.” I say softly. I lower my eyes submissively. “Nothing happened.” I glance at Drac he looks like a whole different person with his wings tucked close and head low to the ground. ‘I guess he really is an omega.’ “Nothing happened?” Master growls making me and Drac flinch. 

“So the way you look,” he sniffs, “The way you smell, is just a misunderstanding?” I can’t stop shivering, ‘I’ve never felt this frightened of Master before, I actually feel like I’m in danger. Drac must be more so if Master’s fury was really caused by jealousy. I have to do something.’ Whimpering I crawl out of the nest. Drac tries to stop me and I quickly dodge his hand, knowing it’d be worse on him if he protected me. I crawl to my Master’s feet sniveling the whole time. 

“It’s not like that,” I croak, I can barely breathe from fear none the less talk. “I’ve finally made a friend,” Drac flinches and looks up confused, I have to ignore it, “please don’t hurt him.” 

My Master says, “You’ve been alone with a gargoyle in heat, both of you have been alone together for hours immediately after coming in contact with one another! And you want me to believe that he’s just a friend!?” He snorts, “After making me promise to love only you, you go to bed with the first omega you see.” I don’t have time to cherish the fact that he actually considered me, he leans down and grabs my hair yanking my head back. I gasp in pain and am shocked to see his face so hurt, “All you had to do was ask me to take him as my pet as well.” His face steels, “But now I have to punish you.” I shiver and then see him turn towards Drac. 

“Wait! Master please I didn’t cheat on you!” I wrack my brain for a second, “Smell me!” 

He turns back with a snarl, “What!” 

“Can’t you smell if we had sex, smell me, we didn’t.” I practically sob, begging. Drac is shielding himself with his arms eyes wide with fear, whimpering. “Please.” I ask again softly. Master’s face softens and he turns back crouching to unzip my pants. I flinch as he sniffs there. For a second he calms down but then as he lifts his head, he sniffs again. 

“You kissed!” He snarls, looking so hurt my heart breaks. 

“Yes but-” 

“You lied to me!” He rumbles deep in his throat, “You stink like his pheromones.” I choke as he grabs me by my throat. “Tell me,” He picks me up as he stands. I kick at the air holding onto his arm. He leans in as I struggle gasping, “Is he attractive to you?” His teeth are bared, “Does he turn you on?” ‘If I was being honest, yes, but I loved my Master more than anything.’ I open my mouth, choking on my words, nothing coherently comes out. 

“Gargoyle, no Master has chosen you yet.” My Master rumbles turning to him. “So I am free to dispose of you .” I gasp as my Master throws me down.  

Rolling on my side grabbing my throat I wretch and wheeze holding out a shaking hand too weak to do anything but watch with ever widening eyes. Drac cries out and recoils as the red-eyed demon approaches him, claws readied. 

Regaining my voice I cry, “Master no, please!” I struggle to get up watching in a panic as he slashes Drac. I flinch eyes closing as I hear him scream. “No please.” I gag and manage to cross the floor as he swings his arm back to claw the gargoyle again. I grab Masters arm, he turns to look at me and then slashes my upturned face. I’m thrown back by the sheer force of the blow, my body hits the floor flipping before hitting it again and sliding into the corner near a wardrobe. The blow didn’t break my neck but it definitely sprained it. I’m unable to move, the air knocked out of me. 

My ears are ringing. After what feels like forever my ragged gasps, refilling my lungs, reach my ears as my hearing returns. But I wish it hadn’t because the ringing and my gasps are accompanied by Drac’s screams and then suddenly gagging as he’s strangled. ‘This is all my fault.’ I strain to move, ‘I should have stayed away.’ I struggle to my feet, blinded by blood in one eye. ‘I should never have tried to make friends or even leave the house.’ I stumble forward crying out. Master turns looking at me in disbelief as I collapse holding onto his sides. 

“Please, it’s all my fault, let him go, hurt me.” I sob into his fur. My Master sighs releasing the gargoyle so he can gasp. I couldn’t bear looking at Drac, blood trickles out of his mouth as he struggles to keep from crying. His body is already more red than grey. “He didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to like anyone else, he’s completely innocent, please, punish me instead.” I sob. “Don’t hurt him anymore.” My Master pries me off of himself, I flinch at the blood dripping from his claws. 

“You’ll learn your place after today,” He snarls, “After I’m done you’ll never defy me again.” He crosses the room and throws me in the wardrobe. 

My last glance at Drac shows him holding his limp arm, back against the cave wall, looking me straight in the eyes. The plunge into darkness only heightens my hearing as it locks. 

“P, please.” I hear Drac, as my Master approaches him again. ‘I made it worse, I made it ten times worse.’ I realize in horror as Drac’s screams continue, ‘he’s taking his time, making him suffer.’ Furniture and items get knocked around and smashed. I pound on the door pleading and sobbing. Then Drac’s last scream is longer and getting fainter and fainter until...suddenly it stops. ‘He...he killed him. And it’s all my fault’ Something shatters inside me, the thing that no bully had ever managed to break, shattered like glass, my will to live, to love, to anything. 

The doors open after a long time. I’m picked up by arms covered in blood and carried through the side entrance down a long flight of stairs. When the light outside blinds me I look to the side and with the last of my strength, shove myself out of the murderer’s arms, falling to the ground then scrambling to Drac’s side. He’s laying in a weird position, mouth and eyes open, blood coming out of both. He’s dead. He’s so obviously dead but I can’t leave him. An inhuman wail leaves my throat. 

“This is my fault, This is my fault.” I kreen over and over again until myMaster grabs me. Holding me so tight that I can't breathe, dragging me away. The other omegas look on in horror. Sylkie covers her mouth when I look through her. Not seeing her really. My eyes are empty, ‘I wish I was dead, not Drac, not anyone, I wish I died a long time ago.’ When I come back to myself I realize I’m in the clinic. I hear Master’s voice whispering with the doctor. 

“...almost killed two omegas today. If he had lost anymore blood-” I guess he realized I was awake. But I don’t move or say anything, just lay there with my eyes closed. ‘Drac… if only I had known what would have happened from our brief friendship, I would have killed myself. I’m so sorry.’ I let out a keening noise and the doctor jumped to it, stabbing a needle in my neck. I gasp struggling to stay awake. 

“You fool...killing his lover...can’t handle it...keep him sedated.” 

I gasp awake grabbing my face, wincing I feel the bandages whilst realizing I’m in Master’s room, in his bed. I flinch no not Master, Murderer!’ I grit my teeth, lifting my head only to panic when I can only see out of one eye. The other is pitch black. But when I touch it I realize it’s just bandaged as well. I peel off the soft padding a little then cry out when the light is excruciating. 

Immediately the murderer is in the room, “You’re awake.” His relieved voice would have made me unbelievably happy a day ago. Now I hated it, I hated him. But I’m also filled with terror at the sight of him now that I know what he’s capable of. I let out a harsh cry of fear and scramble backwards, falling off the bed. He rushes around the bed, “Are you okay?” He worries. I scrambled underneath the bed. Fear washes off of me in waves and I’m sure he can smell it as I press up against the wall. 

“Don’t come near me.” My voice cracks, “Monster!” 

He bears his teeth, “You just need to be sedated again.” 

“Don’t touch me,” I screech. I scoot away from his outstretched claws now in the top right corner. I shiver, “Murderer.” I hiss. He growls and goes around to the other side but I’ve already moved. 

On all fours looking under the bed he huffs, “Fine! Enjoy your misery, you’ll be over it soon.” I cower as he storms out only relaxing when I can’t see him anymore. Numb I space out, ‘Drac how terrifying it must have been falling to your death. You didn’t deserve it. If only… If only I’d done something to stop him.’ I sob until I pass out from exhaustion. The alien listens to his pet sobbing from where he sat on the couch and unable to take it anymore leaves the house. 

I wake up to swollen eyes and dried snot and immediately start sniffling again. At some point the alien had placed food down near me. I turn around and close my eyes trying to go back to sleep. I gasp as the alien tugs on me, waking me up with a shriek I rip my arm from his grasp and cower in the far corner. 

“You insolent child! Stop mourning somebody you just met!” He snaps. 

“I wish you’d killed me and not him!” The alien's eyes widen and then he just stares at me. Shivering knowing he was all wolf and no human, I turn away.

“Come out now, don’t be like that.” I flinch awake, uncurling my hands from tight fists, the alien was sitting with his back against the bed. Right beside me. “I was okay with it at first, thinking you’d come out with your tail in-between your legs-but I’m starting to get upset.” The voice of the alien brings anger, fear, but most of all despair. 

“If you think I’ll come crawling back to you-” I huff. “I hate you.” I spit. He whips around, reaching for me, I jerk back but he catches my sleeve. Tugging me out from under the bed he pins me under his hands. I gasp for air, he’s so heavy. His red eyes feel like they’re burning me. My heart is torn in shreds. I look him in the eye, pretty sure he’d kill me in a fit of rage. 

“I hate you.” I growl again. He slaps me across the face and my wound starts bleeding again. I can’t change myself. I curl up whimpering pathetically. 

“Good now, apologize.” The alien orders. 

“Drop dead!” I yell striking him in the snout. I thought that was it, I’d die and then my misery would be over. He just slowly turns his face back to me. 

“Submit.” He says softly. I lift my chin, shaking uncontrollably. “Submit!” He snarls, slapping my wound again. I bark out a cry and then grab his wrists. 

“Will you torture me first too, just kill me!” My voice is shaking but defiant. I break down and start sobbing again. “Please just kill me.” 

He breathes on my face, “How could you love someone so dearly?” He whispers. I can see how hurt he was. 

“I used to love you.” I whisper back. Flinching when he lifts his hand again. 

“You replaced me so easily.” he growls, but he gently presses my wound to stop the bleeding. “You would have replaced him too.” 

“You don’t understand.” I cry, tears burning my swollen skin, “He was the first person my age that was ever nice to me. He was in the same situation too. We liked each other! We could have been friends” He narrows his eyes.

“Friends don’t kiss.” 

“He only did that to comfort me!” I screech clawing at the alien’s eyes and snout. “Not because he was attracted to me!” The alien grabs my wrists calmly, puts them together and pin them down above my head. 

“That’s where you’re wrong. You could instantly smell the pheromones pouring off you both.” I struggle weakly for a second before going limp panting. 

“What pheromones, what are you talking about?” I grit my teeth, ‘I hated this alien, nothing would change what he did.’ 

He touches me gently, “right now you’re so distressed it’s driving me mad.” 

“Then you shouldn’t have killed him.” I hiss, “For being close to me, for liking me!” I slam my knee into his stomach, “You’re psychotic, I’ll never love you or trust you again!” The aliens' eyes, which were soft and sad with pity, hardened. I quake with fear as he growls. 

“I should have never taken you as my pet, I always knew they were bad news.” 

I knee him repeatedly, “The only reason I’m upset at you is because you’re a murderer!” He gets up and looks at me for a long thoughtful moment. 

“You think I haven’t killed before? Look around you, you’re on an alien ship. How do you think we got here?” He gestures to himself, “You think we wear armour for fun? How do you think we got those other omegas?” He gets louder. “You’re in the middle of a war.”