You've all waited waaay too long for this. I apologize. Notes at the end.( yeah four days is long for me)

Alex couldn't breath.

Rain drummed on the roof of the dormitory, sounding like bullets against the brick. It lashed at the windows, splattering droplets and running in streams down the glass, making rivers and pooling on the ledge.

Thunder cracked like a whip, making him jump. The room was already wavering, warping and distorting in front of his eyes.

Okay Alex, you've done this before. Breath. Count. You're okay.

But the only thing he could think of was the water filling his mouth and nose and the fact that he's so tired and he doesn't want to keep doing this anymore, he wants to just let go and drown because he's tired of reliving this memory every goddamn time it fucking rains.

He was currently crouched between the wall and his desk, curled into a ball, his hands clutching at his hair, all-too aware of how stupid and pathetic he looked.

Alex sucked in a breath, air rattling in his lungs, dimly hearing the sound of a door opening and footsteps resounding across the floor.

Someone was kneeling in front of him, talking in a french accent. Lafayette. Laf was here, Laf was talking, except Alex couldn't understand anything over the buzzing in his ears.

"Alexander, you're okay. Breathe, Alex, just breathe," Laf said, and Alex shook his head. "Can't," he gasped, and Laf took Alex's hand and put it on his chest. "Yes, you can," he said firmly. "See? Focus and try to match my breathing." He took a breath and exaggerated the motion of his rib cage, and in the back of his head Alex admired his friend for being so calm.

Alex put his head on his knees, shaking, and tried to focus on something, anything, to stop the world from spinning. Everything was spiraling, he was falling through a tunnel, the water was so loud-

Distantly, through the static in his head, he felt something squeezing his hand, and then Laf asked, "Alex, do you want me to call John?"

A fresh wave of panic washed over him. "No," he choked, "no, don't call John, don't-" John has enough problems, you're one of those problems, god you're so weak, Jesus Christ, stop being a burden.

"Okay," Laf soothed, "You're okay, you're fine."

"I'm sorry," Alex sobbed, and Laf's eyebrows scrunched down. "It's not your fault, Alex, you can't control this-"

"If I was stronger-"

"No, don't...that's not the problem-"

"If I wasn't so stupid-"

"No-"

"I'm sorry-"

"Alex, stop." Laf said sharply, and Alex looked up. Laf's eyes locked with his. "You. Can't. Control. This. Okay? You went through a traumatic event that wasn't your fault, stop blaming yourself. You're going to be alright."Alex nodded faintly and wheezed a little. His eyes started to glaze over, drifting away from Laf's.

"Alex," he warned, and he squeezed Alex's hand. "Stay here, Alex. You can't dissociate. You have to stay with me."

Alex blinked, and he looked back at Laf, but Laf could tell he wasn't really there.

"Alex, tell me five things you know."

"...What?"

"C'mon, Alex, five things you know. It can be random; something simple."

Alex closed his eyes. Tried to claw his way back to reality. "John is my boyfriend."

"Good, four more," Laf encouraged.

"Charlie is a red-eared slider."

"Three."

"A shape with 99 sides is called an enneacontakaienneagon."

Laf snorted a little, "How is that random or simple?"

A wavering hint of a smile fought it's way onto Alex's face. "The 256th note is called the demisemihemidemisemiquaver."

"Where are you learning all of this? One more to go."

"John's favorite musical is Phantom of the Opera."

Laf nodded, "Good. That was great, Alex. Okay, tell me four things you can see."

Alex looked around, trying to focus. "Charlie's tank. The desk. John's pillow pet. You."

"Three things you can feel."

"The floor. The wall." Alex's grip tightened. "Your hand."

"Now, two things you can hear."

"My laptop charging." He shuddered slightly, "The rain."

"And one thing you can smell," Laf said, and Alex wrinkled his nose the tiniest bit. "Herc's cologne that he loves but everyone else hates."

Laf held in a smile and rocked back on his heels, still holding onto Alex's hand. "You okay?"

Alex nodded shakily, and Laf let go of his hand and stood up slowly. "Do you want anything?"

"Water," Alex whispered, and Laf headed off to the bathroom, the floor creaking slightly underneath his feet.

The rain was petering to a stop now, and Alex could barely hear it anymore, which was a relief.

He took off his glasses and put his head in his hands, kneading his temple. His head hurt-a side affect of the panic attack. Or the rain. He didn't even know at this point. It seemed like his head was always hurting nowadays.

The of the water running in the bathroom abruptly shut off, and the floorboards creaked again as Laf made his way back over to Alex, water in hand.

Alex felt himself take the glass, the cup cool against his skin, which felt unnaturally hot. He still felt like complete shit, but he shoved down the anxiety that was trying to crawl it's way back up his throat. He'd deal with that later.

"So," Laf said conversationally. "Storms, huh?"

Alex nodded, took a sip of water, and then set the glass on the desk. He heaved himself up off the floor, using the wall as a support, and nudged his way past Laf to his desk chair, almost collapsing into it. Laf took the chair opposite him and spun it around slowly, then stopped once he had made a full circle.

"A hurricane almost completely destroyed my island in the Carribbean when I was a kid," he said carefully, and Laf nodded. "I know. John asked us to keep an eye on that. I figured that something like this would happen eventually."

Alex inwardly groaned. Great. Now his boyfriend was asking people to babysit him. Wonderful.

"C'mon," Laf said, pushing himself out of the chair, and Alex looked up at him, a quizzical expression on his face.

"Let's go," Laf repeated, rolling his eyes, and he grabbed Alex's hand, hauling him out of the chair.

"Laf, I don't want to go anywhere," he protested, and Laf pulled him forward. "Well, that sucks. You are in dire need of a Marvel movie."

"Huh?"

"You know, the Avengers? Hulk, Ironman, Black Widow? Who, by the way is a complete badass," he added, tugging Alex towards the door.

"I know what Marvel is," Alex muttered, stumbling along, "I really don't want to go to a movie theater right now."

"Good. 'Cause we're not. Herc has all the movies and I have a t.v., which I'm pretty sure is illegal here, so don't tell anyone," Laf said, winking.

Alex cast one last longing look around his room before letting himself be dragged across the hallway, where Hercules was lounging on his bed, reading a book. He looked up, seemingly surprised to see Alex alongside Laf, and put his book down. "What's up?"

"Alexander is in desperate need of a Marvel movie," Laf said, letting go of Alex and shutting the door. Herc's eyes swept over Alex, taking in the bags underneath his eyes and the exhausted look on his face, but he made no comment, which Alex was grateful for.

"Iron Man 1?" Herc asked, getting up off the bed, and Laf scoffed. "Duh. It's the start of the whole series."

Five minutes later Laf and Herc were relaxing on their beds, while Alex lay on the floor, curled up in a blanket. Laf had shut all the lights off, so the only the light was the glow of Laf's (probably illegal) t.v.

"Wait...So Pepper's Tony's full-time assistant? Like, she lives with him?" Alex asked in a hushed whisper, and Herc nodded, eyes still locked on the screen.

"Yeah, but later on-" Laf started excitedly, only to be cut off as Herc chucked a pillow at him. "Don't spoil it!" He hissed, and Laf clamped his mouth shut, a sheepish look on his face.

About half-way through the second Iron Man movie, Herc's phone started ringing. He fished it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen, confusion written all over his face.

Without saying anything, he got up and went into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. Laf watched him, puzzled, and then shrugged and went back to the movie.

Alex could hear Herc's muffled voice through the door, but he couldn't make out any specific words. The only thing that he could tell was that Hercules was upset.

Chalking it up to a family thing, he went back to watching the movie, just in time to see Tony Stark sitting in the middle of a donut above a restaurant.

The door opened behind him, flooding the room with the light from the hallway, and Alex squinted at the sudden brightness. When his vision adjusted, he looked up at Hercules, who had an odd expression on his face-a mix between fear and anger, with confusion throw into the mix.

Laf glanced up from the bed, "What's wrong?"

Herc looked back down at his phone before meeting Alex's eyes.

"John's in the hospital."

Oooh, cliffhanger. I'm such an evil author. So this took forever to write, which is honestly pathetic, considering how short it is, but at least it's something, right? I'm super busy right now, but I get like no sleep, so there's time to write at night :)

I'm doing better, I finally got put on some new meds last week, so that's good, I guess. The only downside is that they give me headaches, which my doctor warned me was a side affect, but they come out of nowhere and feel like someone whacked me upside the head with a sledgehammer.

I finally got some shit in order for this fic, yay! I have everything planned out, which is a relief. I hate being unorganized

(that's so fucking ironic, because my room's a mess).

I hope you guys are good! More chapters are coming soon :)