I wasn't a good liar, and Sama knew it too. But here was my older sister who had done all the chores, kept the crumbling family afloat and preached that we couldn't never, ever resort to crime, no matter how loudly our stomachs would complain at night. Even Sama had turned into a hypocrite.

Not that it's a total surprise, I reflected. But it's another reminder of the things we lost in order to keep on living.

"So, what's been up with my little brother?" Sama nudged me, but it came off as forced lightheartedness. I couldn't help but notice her flat, monotone voice. It was so unlike the snarky, confident sister I was used to.

"Nothing much," I said eventually. "Just...the usual." She had to know, right? The lengths I'd gone to survive. "What do you do? Make shady business deals with people you don't know?"

"Hardly. I sleep on a bed of cash and drink all of my worries away." Sama's face turned serious. "You don't have to push me away, Ravin. I won't pretend to understand what your life is like, but..." She let out a defeated sigh. "I thought about you every day, Ravin. I was so worried."

"I thought you were dead."

"Sometimes I did, too." Sama paused. "I guess death runs in the family."

It was too painful to talk about Mom and Dad. The thought of our parents hung in the air, suspended, and silent. I looked away.

My mouth refused to say the thing that's on my mind. Was Sama mad at me? She wasn't acting like it, but I kept replaying her words from earlier: "You shouldn't have left in the first place!" How did she feel after I left her alone? She thought of me, but never had I spent a second wondering if she was even alive.

Did it matter, though? An unexpected wave of bitterness took over me. Sama had cared for Dad, then Mom. She was there for me sometimes, but it hadn't been enough.

"I understand, Ravin," she said a moment after. "Why you joined them. You surrounded yourself with others, but ultimately you felt alone."

Her voice cracked. When I turned to look at her, tears streamed down her face. Alarmed, I frantically searched for a napkin or something before hesitantly wiping her face with my own hands.

"It's not your fault," I told her, but the tears kept coming. "I shouldn't have left you and Mom like that. It's not your fault," I repeat.

Sama never cried. Ever. The only exceptions were when Dad and Mom died.

My breath caught as the truth hit me. She had thought I was dead. All these years I had spent worrying over food and getting arrested, all these years I hadn't given my sister a moment's worth of thought, Sama had been crying over me. Because of me.

"What would Mom and Dad say if they saw us now?" she sobbed. "We were supposed to be family. And now...we don't even know each other."

My heart skipped a beat, and I fumbled for something to say. "Sama, look at me. I'm alive! I'm alive, and I'm here now, so it'll be okay, okay? We'll get to know each other again, and...and..." I'll be here for you, so don't you worry.

I couldn't say that though. Who was I kidding? I wouldn't know the first thing about being there for someone. I was the kid who ran away when things got tough. I was the kid who couldn't bother to even think about my sister because it hurt too much. Even now, watching Sama sit there, rocking and wailing was more agonizing than any stab wound Nox could ever give.

Stop crying, I wanted to tell her. Why are you still crying? Nothing good comes out of it. Stop crying, Sama. It only makes both of us feel worse.

There weren't any words I could use to comfort her, and I couldn't bring myself to offer her a hug. I settled for rubbing her back. Back when I'd been hit with a nasty cough, Sama had done the same to me.

Gradually, Sama's sobbing eased, and I found my heart being able to do the same. She blinked away her tears and looked up at me. "I failed you."

"You saved me," I insisted. "That's more than enough." And now I would do everything I could to repay her. No, not repay her. That wasn't how family worked. But I owed it to love and be there for Sama. I was her brother, and I wasn't going to leave my sister again.

Sama mustered a trembling smile. "I'm so glad," she whispered in a strained voice.

To my horror, she doubled over and coughed. Blood splattered onto the floor.