For a reptile, Ruiz Iguanid was astonishingly opposed to being out in the light of the day. He liked his lamps. He liked privacy. Fuck Trish for always making him leave his lamps.

Tromping down the hallway, he knocked on Saoirse’s door with the attitude of, ‘Let’s get this over with.’ Clearing his throat and rolling his shoulders, he braced himself for the absolute bullshit he was sure to endure. When the door swung open, he knew for a fact he had not been prepared.

Saoirse’s outfits somehow got skimpier each time Ruiz showed up. Today she was wearing an ill-fitting bikini that absolutely did not cover most of her bosom, and the shortest pair of jorts he’d even seen. They were a few threads away from being a jean skirt. Saoirse leaned against the doorjamb, not even trying to conceal the sultry flick of her forked tongue. “Hey there, big boy,” she said.

“Can we skip the obvious attempt at a homemade sex tape and just fix your computer?” It took every ounce of power within him to keep from rolling his eyes.

“What a dirty mind you have, Mr. Iguanid. I was simply going to sunbathe.” Saoirse turned her back on him, swishing her hips with dangerous precision as she beckoned him inside with a finger. A pit formed in Ruiz’s stomach as he sighed and followed.

For someone so aggressive, one would think Saoirse’s room would be impeccable in the event she had a guest. The lime green and turquoise color scheme didn’t match the stale scent of a room that rarely got cleaned. It seemed even the twins got fed up with visiting Saoirse. What little space there was was littered with clothes he wasn’t sure were clean or dirty. Clothes lined the floor in front of her walk-in closet, clothes sprawled across her massive mattress, clothes dangled from the chair in front of her black desktop screen. Moving straight for the technology, he ignored the way she flopped on the bed and used her forearms to frame her chest. “What’s going on with it?”

“It just won’t turn on, Ruiz.” He knew her voice was naturally low and breathy, but he loathed it all the same. It sounded so fake, just as fake as the red of her hair. “After this, won’t you come sunbathe with me? You look like you could use some exposure.”

“No thanks,” Ruiz said, pressing the power button to the CPU once. It didn’t light up. Moving around the desk, he checked the cords attached in back.

He was in the process of testing each of them when he saw Saoirse roll dramatically onto her back and kick her legs up in the air. “But Ruiz, you’re so dirty.”

That lead ball in his stomach turned. “I never wanna hear those words again. Not from you.”

Saoirse adjusted her hair so that it fanned out as Ruiz adjusted each cable a little more frantically. “Don’t be such a killjoy. I simply think you should loosen up a bit.”

He followed the power cord from the back of the CPU down. It was a struggle. The cords were a tangled mess. “If I ever feel interested in loosening up with you, you’ll be the first to know.” He dared to glance straight at her, making eye contact as he declared, “I’m not interested.”

Her smile was fiendish. “You won’t know until you try, Mr. Iguanid.”

“Ah, would you look at that!” He picked up the unplugged end of the cord and jammed it into the outlet. “Wasn’t even plugged in.” He walked around, pressed the power button, and watched the machine whir to life. He spun about to face her, Saoirse still stretched out vulnerably on the bed. “And I don’t need to try to know you’re not my type.”

“Oh? Do tell me, what is your type?” Her lips smacked on the last ‘p.’

“Not fleshy,” he said, walking to the door as quickly as possible. Then, deciding to make one final dig in hopes it would discourage her, he turned back around. She was sitting up, watching him leave with a hungry gaze that made his tail stick straight out in preparation to whip. “And not someone with such obvious roots.” He pointed to his scalp for emphasis.

The mortified, gaping expression on her face would have satisfied him if he wasn’t already so sick to his stomach from dealing with her.