When the next period was about to start, I crawled out of my hiding place. My body was aching even more, if possible, and my lungs were burning from all the coughing already. I wasn’t feeling too good, and I was sure my fever was rising.
I waited until the schoolyard was almost empty before sneaking inside the school and then headed for my geometry class. I tried not to limb or show my pain while I walked towards my classroom. If my bullies would see me like that, they would start picking on me eagerly. And they really enjoyed watching me suffer, even if they couldn’t get their hands on me.
I managed to get into my class, and the second I stepped in, all eyes were on me. I saw evil smirks everywhere I looked while I walked carefully to my seat. I kept an eye on everything that moved around me. I ignored the trash other students threw at me and concentrated on spotting the more painful attacks. Two of them tried to trip me over, but I moved slowly, being careful where I was stepping, and I got to my seat without incidents. I’d squeezed my backpack against my chest to shield myself from hits to my guts. When I sat down, I put it on my desk where I could hold on to it, so no one could steal it from me.
That was my everyday life. Every time I had to go to another class, it started all over again. Whenever I walked down the busy halls, I got treated the same, but the difference was that the students had more room to shove me around, slam doors on my face and throw stuff at me… If I lost my focus even for a second, someone took advantage of it, and I got hurt.
And I still tried my best to get good grades. For Mom.
Period after period, the same battle against the rest of the students went on. I got tripped three times and punched twice. I lost a few pencils, and someone poured their juice on me. At least had managed to avoid getting hit on the face by a basketball someone threw at me.
By the time lunch break started, I wasn’t feeling too good. My whole body was aching from the beating I had to endure the previous night. I was still pretty sure nothing was broken, but the dull, constant pain was almost too overwhelming, and the fever was making things worse.
I had felt pain for a long time now, both physical and mental, so I should’ve gotten used to it by now. What else could I do? No one cared about me, and no one helped me. I just had to bear it all. I wanted the bullying and teasing to stop, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
I had thought about ending my misery, but somehow, I still had some will to carry on. But maybe it would be for the best if I just died. I had nothing in this life anyway, so why bother staying alive?
It had been a long time since I joined everyone else in the cafeteria. I had no lunch money, so I had no reason to go there. Besides, it was the worst place for me to be, anyway. It was where all my bullies gathered, and if they had a chance to corner me, they’d do it, making sure the teachers couldn’t see me as they tormented me.
I usually hid behind the maintenance building in the backyard of the school. It was off limits, but no one was ever around to see me sneaking behind it. No one would ever think to look for me there. There were thick bushes and a chain-link fence on three sides of that building. I had just enough room to squeeze through between the wall and the bushes. I was careful not to make any sounds as I made my way through since there was a walkway on the other side of the fence. The rebellious kids often hung out there, hiding from the teachers with their smokes.
I sat down on the ground and pulled out a notebook from my bag. I opened an empty page and stared at it for a while.
“Stupid,” I muttered out loud.
I’d been stupid when I told Beau that I liked him. I’d been stupid when I thought he would like someone like me. I was stupid to think that Beau would eventually come around and tell me he liked me. I was stupid enough to think that would actually happen. I’d been stupid when I thought that no one wouldn’t care about me being gay. I had been stupid when I thought that I still had my dad and my brother by my side after Mom passed away. I’d been stupid to think that they cared.
And I had been stupid for thinking that someone would love me.
“Stupid,” I repeated the word again.
The first page of the black notebook wasn’t empty anymore. I had written the word stupid dozens of times on it. I was stupid. That word described me the best.
I closed the notebook and put it back in my backpack, feeling an odd kind of satisfaction. After that, I looked around, trying to figure out what the time was, but soon enough the bell rang. I got slowly back up on my feet. Sitting on the cold ground had made my sore muscles ache even more. I tried to stretch a little, but it only made the pain on my sides worse.
I tried my best not to be seen while I sneaked around the building and pushed past the thick bushes. I peered around and didn’t see anyone close by, so I hurried as fast as I could towards the entrance of the school.
But I had run out of luck again. It became clear when I got inside, and the first thing I saw was Sean right in front of me. He gave me a mean grin when his eyes met mine. I hurried in the other direction when Sean started walking towards me, Glen and Drake following right behind him.
I tried to avoid other students the best I could as I ran, but some of them noticed me as I was rushing past them. They tried to stop me or slow me down when Sean yelled them to do so. I felt the familiar fear rising inside me when I heard him calling my name close by. Too close. It was yesterday all over again when I frantically tried to find a place to hide.
There was a corner right in front of me and a stairway to the upper floor just behind it. If only I could reach it, I could have a chance to get rid of Sean and his friends. A few more steps later, I reached the corner, but when I tried to get around it, I suddenly ran into something big and solid.
“Watch it, idiot!”
I almost fell to the floor, but someone grabbed me by my arms and forced me to stay on my feet. The grip they had of me was painful, and I knew it couldn’t be anyone friendly. I had no friends in that place.
I looked up, and shivers ran down my spine when I saw who was glaring back at me with hostile, brown eyes. It was Deon, and he looked pissed when he grabbed me by the front of my hoodie and pushed me hard against the wall. He kept me pinned against it, almost strangling me with his iron grip. Sean, Glen, and Drake appeared around the corner and stopped to smirk at me.
“Nice catch, D!” Sean laughed. “Give him to us. We need to have a little chat with him.”
“D?” Deon spat at him with a hostile tone. “Don’t you talk to me like we’re friends,” he continued, loosening his grip on me.
He was still holding me tightly, but at least I could breathe now. I didn’t try to release myself from his grip since I was afraid he’d get angrier at me. Deon was a pretty big guy, and he was known for his angry nature. I just stood still in silence, praying he’d let me go soon.
“My bad, my bad…” Sean muttered, lifting his hands up as a sign of truce.
“I need to have a word of my own with this little brat. You three can piss off,” Deon hissed at them, turning his attention back to me.
“No way! We saw him first!” Glen snapped at Deon.
I was between the two parties like a prey, helpless and defenseless. No one cared about me as they passed us by. They gave us curious looks, but none of them cared to help me. Everyone knew not to get between Deon and Sean when they started to fight. Deon would always win every one-on-one fight they had, but this time Sean had company. That didn’t seem to bother Deon, though.
He turned his eyes to Glen, who stepped backwards. He didn’t look so brave anymore. Sean snorted at him and turned his angry gaze on Deon.
“There’s three of us,” he noted, but it was obvious Deon didn’t see them as a threat.
I turned my eyes on Deon, and the look on his face made me shiver. Sean and his buddies were like a bunch of hyenas, but Deon was a lion. He had a small, crooked smile on his face when he stared at the three hyenas under his eyebrows. He looked pissed, even with a smile on his face.
“Try me,” Deon hissed with a challenging gleam in his eyes, his voice almost a whisper.
The corridor was silent around us since other students had already rushed to their classes. I knew that whatever the outcome was, I wasn’t going to like it.
Sean and Deon didn’t get along at all. I knew they’d known each other from kindergarten, and they had always hated each other. They were like two roosters in the same henhouse, and the school was too small for them both.
And they both hated me. It didn’t really matter to me which one of them would have the right to kick my ass this time. I was going to get beat up again. I knew I would. I had crossed paths with Deon more than once whenever I’d made the mistake of passing some time in one of his hiding places. The roof used to be one of my hiding places, but I had soon learned it was Deon’s territory. The last time I was up there, he had practically thrown me down the stairs, promising a world of pain if he’d ever see my face again.
And that time had arrived. Deon would not let me go after I bumped into him.
Why was I stupid enough to even try? I really was stupid for coming back to this place every day.
Sean snorted again, his angry eyes turning away from Deon’s before he backed away and left with his buddies. I knew Sean would want his revenge for making him lose his face in front of his friends. Even Sean would think twice before pissing off Deon, so they retreated this time, but I feared it only meant more pain for me.
Deon laughed shortly as he watched them leave, but his amusement vanished when his eyes met mine. I wanted to run and hide, but he tossed me against the wall again. My whole body jerked in pain, but Deon’s grip on me only grew stronger, almost choking me.
“You look like you’re having a really bad day,” he growled at me. “Aren’t you going to thank me for saving your pathetic little ass?”
“I – I… T-Thank…” I muttered with watery eyes, fearing for my life. “T-Thank y-you…”
He looked annoyed when I dared to speak to him.
“That was a fucking joke! Don’t get any stupid ideas in your head!” Deon spat at me with an angry voice.
“That was a fucking joke! Don’t get any stupid ideas in your head!” Deon said with an angry voice.
I coughed, trying to get some air into my lungs. I was ready to get my ass kicked again, and that thought made me shiver. I wasn’t sure if I could survive another beating. But he surprised me when he suddenly released me. My aching body couldn’t support me, and I fell on my knees in front of him.
“You owe me one – bitch,” he spat at me before walking away, leaving me to sit next to the wall with a spinning head and a racing heart.
I tried to get back on my feet, but I couldn’t. I was too scared to even move. The pain was growing worse by the second, and for a moment, I thought I was dying.
I was definitely stupid enough for even trying to stay alive.
I had missed the beginning of my class already, but I couldn’t get up even if I wanted to. I was too weak to get up from the floor where Deon had left me. I stopped trying and leaned my head against the wall. I was shaking and shivering, and I knew my fever was getting really high.
Maybe I would die in that corridor without anyone noticing it. People would kick me and hit me and laugh at me while passing me by, but no one would help me get up. I was in such a horrible pain that I was sure I was dying. Maybe the janitor would pick up what was left of me after the school ended and threw my body into a trashcan where I belonged.
I was so tired, both physically and mentally, and I didn’t care what happened to me. I was better off dead, anyway.
My sight started turning blurry after a while, and my breathing turned shallow. I could hear my heartbeat banging loudly inside my head when I collapsed on the ground. But before I passed out, I saw a pair of legs coming in my direction. Whoever the person was, they stopped right next to me. I was sure they would only make my pain grow worse.
But they didn’t hurt me. Instead, I could feel a warm pair of arms around me, when he picked me up from the floor, and started carrying me. I tried to see his face, but my hazy mind gave up, and I fell into unconsciousness.
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