I pull onto the first side road we come across, backing my car into the cover of the snowy forest. I’m concerned that Matt’s dad might hop in his car and come looking for us. If he does, I’d rather wait for him to pass by than get involved in a high-speed chase. Aiden and I already did one of those this past summer. We barely got away, and that was in a Corvette.

I love my car to bits, but it is not a Corvette.

So I kill the engine, and we wait.

If Aiden is wondering what we’re doing, he doesn’t say so. I’m pretty sure his seatbelt is the only thing keeping him upright.

A few minutes pass in silence before we hear the crunch of tires on the road.

The car goes by quickly, but I have just enough time to catch a glimpse through the windows. Matt is in the passenger’s seat. There’s a blanket wrapped around him, and he’s changed into dry clothes.

His dad is driving, no trace of his stern expression left. He’s speaking gently to Matt, his worried eyes darting between the road and his son.

“How’d you know that Matt’s dad wouldn’t be angry about this?” I ask Aiden, who half-shrugs.

“Fellow child of a strict parent. Leigh was like that. Or - my mom, I mean.” He rubs his eyes, then watches the car disappear around a bend in the road. “Looks like Matt's on the way to the hospital. Good news for us.”

“What?” I look over at Aiden, confused. “Don’t you mean for him? Why for us?”

“Because he wasn’t wearing your jacket. That means we can go back to his house and get it. Unless you’d rather leave it there?”

“Oh. No, definitely not. I almost forgot about it, actually.” I reach over, give Aiden’s knee a squeeze. “Thank you, babe.”

A slight smile rises on his face.

“No problem,” he yawns. “But let’s hurry. Matt probably left your jacket inside. I’m gonna pass out soon, so if we have to do a B&E, we should do it now.”

Breaking and entering at the home of a complete stranger, to steal back a piece of evidence. Somehow this sounds like a relatively tame, easy thing to do - at least, compared to the rest of my day. And it’s not even one o’clock.

“Dating you is a trip, dude,” I tell Aiden, putting the car in gear.

~~~~

My exhaustion has me moving in a dreamlike state, everything around me smudged and blurred. I barely remember retrieving my jacket, aside from the burst of relief when I find it on the porch and realize we don’t have to break in.

It’s spattered with blood, and damp on the inside. Still, it’s better than nothing, and I quickly pull it on.

Aiden takes a look at me, frowning. It’s obvious that he doesn’t like seeing me bloody, even when the blood in question isn’t mine. He slips his hands beneath my jacket, pushes it off of my shoulders until it falls and catches around my elbows. Then he takes off his own jacket, offers it to me.

I take it gratefully, his leftover warmth a delicious comfort to my aching body.

Normally I wouldn’t drive when I’m this tired, but Aiden will hear it if we’re in trouble. Just to be safe, I take back roads home, ones that people don’t use often, and go slow even by my standards.

Aiden is still glowing. The shimmer of it stays in the corner of my eye, keeping me awake. He leaves a hand on my thigh, every now and then giving me a squeeze, helping me stave off sleep just a little longer.

My Heliomancer, my safe haven, my light to see by.

~~~~

Aiden and I basically have to drag each other up the stairs to my apartment. My mind is too worn out to function properly, and everything starts to seem funny to me, then almost hysterical. Watching Aiden - a man built like some kind of terrifying warrior, a man who looks like he could crush someone with one hand - watching him of all people get defeated by a set of stairs... it makes me start to laugh a little, then harder, then hard enough that tears start streaming from my eyes.

Aiden looks insulted at first, but he can’t stay that way long when I’m about to pop a lung laughing. Soon his huffing laugh joins mine, echoing up the staircase.

My balance fails me, and I start tipping backward. Aiden is behind me, so my back flattens against his chest. He catches me, but then stumbles backward, too, and we both fall. A stupid, dumb, embarrassing fall, one of those slow-motion disasters where you’re trying and failing to grab onto things and save yourself the whole time.

“Oh, hang on - hang on-” Aiden gasps, and we officially go down to the ground, sprawling out on the stairs, our limbs tangled together.

We both break down into hysterical laughter, wheezing, struggling to breathe. It takes us a good long minute to get back up, and we nearly topple to the ground again in the process.

After that, everything comes to me in fragments. I’m aware of unlocking the door, the cold of the handle against my hand. The feeling of Aiden’s gentle fingers fumbling with the buttons on my flannel, while I undo his belt. It’s not really a sexy thing. We’re just doing a better job taking off each other’s clothes than we are on our own.

I surface from my daze in the shower, into a cloud of sweet sensations. Steaming hot water, rushing through my hair and down my shoulders, chasing the cold out of me. My cheek resting against the solid warmth of Aiden’s chest. His arms around me, his fingers trailing softly up and down my back.

I didn’t spend nearly so long exposed to the cold as Matt did, but I’m still half-frozen, and the shower feels phenomenal. I could camp out in here for years.

Aiden’s hands begin to glide slowly over my body, fingers and palms smoothing along my wet skin. Tracing my shoulder blades, dipping into the dimples at the base of my spine, massaging into my sore muscles - each movement pressing me even closer against him.

A spark of desire catches within me, though I don’t know how that’s even possible. I’m literally about to fall asleep on my feet.

I feel myself blush.

“What are you doing?” I mumble, my eyes half-open.

“Getting your circulation going,” Aiden says, his low voice dropped to a playful purr.

I laugh into his chest, and he laughs, too, burying his nose into my soaked hair.

“This is a lot more laughing than I normally do after a rescue,” he says, very quietly.

I smile to myself, closing my eyes. His words leave me with a serious need to make him laugh again.

“Well, this would be a good time for us to have sex.” I lock my arms around him, matching his teasing tone. “You’re probably too tired to destroy anything. Which is like, a very weird thing for me to have to say.”

Aiden huffs out another laugh, and my smile widens.

“Yeah, no.” He draws away and takes my chin in his hand, rests his fiery blue eyes on my face. “I’m gonna need you at full energy for that, Keane.”

He guides my head back, leans down. Slips his tongue between my slightly parted lips.

By the time he breaks off what turns out to be a long, meticulous kiss, I’m lowkey speechless. Aiden can tell, and it makes him laugh again.

“Perfect sound,” I sigh sleepily.

Aiden doesn’t hear my words. I can tell that he’s listening to the other voice I have, the one even I can’t hear. The one that’s only for him, no one else.

Whatever he hears makes him smile, and he closes his arms around me again.

We stand there together for a long time, our bodies intertwined. Not thinking, not moving. Just holding each other, and breathing.

~~~~

Aiden gets out first, leaving me in the shower. I planned to stay longer than he did, but the need to keep close to him overtakes me. Even a distance this tiny is, at the moment, more than I can withstand.

Besides, I think I’m going to pass out at any second.

My brain is so wrung out that when I step into my room and see Aiden naked, sprawled out on his stomach on top of the comforters, his eyes already closed…

For a second, he’s not Aiden. He’s just a very sleepy, yummy, beardy guy, in my bed.

And then he is Aiden, and the already powerful temptation to snuggle up with him multiples in leaps and bounds.

He startles when I fling myself down next to him, then laughs as I force my way beneath him, wrapping my legs around him. His body heat feels amazing, makes my toes curl.

“Hi,” he says, gazing down at me with warm blue eyes.

“Hi.” I nuzzle my nose into his, drag my fingernails through his damp chestnut hair. “God, it feels good to be safe in bed with you. This morning was fucking wild.”

Aiden’s teasing expression grows serious, and he hesitates, deciding what he wants to say. It takes him an even longer time than usual, but never have I been so content to sit back, look at him, and wait.

“I really thought,” he says softly, avoiding my eyes, “That this - this would be the first one…”

He leaves the sentence unfinished, but I know exactly what he was going to say.

Like me, Aiden thought that Matt would be the first person we lost together.

I can tell that he has more to say, but he's struggling hard to find the right words. I wait in silence, tracing my fingertips along his hairline.

“Okay, you know what? I can’t think when we’re like this.” He gestures down to our entwined bodies, the way we’re pressed together, him between my legs. “This is distracting even when I’m this fucking tired, somehow.”

“Glad it’s not just me,” I mutter.

Aiden huffs out another laugh. He rolls onto his back, and I fold myself over his side, my hand curling on his chest. He stopped glowing while we were in the shower, but I suppose a Heliomancer never stops putting off heat. I don’t even need the comforter, though snow is piling up outside, and Aiden has already pushed open a window.

“Want to try again?” I ask, and he pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers, his face screwing up.

“I can’t - think how to…”

I’m waking up a little, starting to get worried. “Please just say it.”

“I don’t…” He opens his eyes and looks at me, biting his lip, suddenly anxious. “I don’t want to say anything to scare you away.”

His words are so quiet that I would have missed them if we weren’t cuddled this close. He turns his head and stares up at the ceiling, anywhere but at me.

“Scare me away from you?” I let out a doubtful laugh. “Um, okay. Good luck with that.”

Aiden’s gaze flits back to me. He may be having trouble finding words, but he’s doing a lot of speaking with his eyes. I see some tangled mixture of love and affection, fear and worry.

“Just say it,” I repeat, and Aiden runs a hand over his face.

“It’s just… it’s going to happen, Jamie. We’re going to lose people. If you stay with me, then - one day, eventually, we will. There’s no way around it. No way to save everyone. After what happened with Matt, I think you probably understand that it’s not fucking easy. Losing someone, I mean. Even when the person is a stranger.” Aiden falters, his eyebrows drawing together, like it physically hurts him to keep speaking. “I know you told me that you can handle this, but... if, after today, that sounds like too much for you, I - I would understand.”

I fall silent again, absorbing that.

I remember how I felt in that horrible handful of seconds when I thought we’d lost Matt. I went totally numb, but underneath, I was shattered.

There’s no denying what Aiden is telling me. When the moment actually comes - when we don’t make it time, or can’t reach them, or whatever it is that goes wrong - easy will be the last word to describe it.

But, when it comes down to it…

“Aiden.” I lift my head, press a kiss onto the curve of his shoulder. “I know that we’re going to lose people, but - the one I definitely couldn’t handle losing is you.”

Only now do I realize that he was holding his breath. He lets it out slowly, his blue eyes uncertain, peering into mine.

“Are you sure about that?” He takes my hand, and holds on much tighter than I think he means to. “Because you have to live with the consequences of that decision, Jamie, and - so do I. The last thing in the whole fucking world I want is to lose you, but I’d rather lose you than drag you into - into...”

He fades off, blinking hard and fast, then quickly fixes his gaze on the ceiling again. My fingers are starting to ache in his fierce grip, but I’m not about to take them away. In fact, something about him earnestly promising that it’s okay if he has to let me go, while he unwittingly holds onto me like the very prospect could kill him… God.

Even now, he really thinks there’s a chance that I would want out.

I tell Aiden that I love him every day. But getting him to grasp the true depth of my feelings is turning out to be a slow, delicate, patient process. It’s hard for my Companion Plant to accept good news.

“I understand,” I tell him gently, “And I’m not going anywhere, okay? When the time comes, when it happens… we have each other. Everything is easier with help, even the hardest things. You can be my shoulder to cry on.” I dip my head, nibble on his neck. “Neck to bite on, lap to sit on…”

Aiden lets out a laugh, but it sounds a little wobbly, unsteady. I cuddle closer, tucking my leg over him.

“Sometimes I just still can’t believe that you would choose this,” he says, his voice rough.

“I chose you, Aiden, and nothing is going to make me regret that decision.”

Aiden is silent for a long moment, looking at me.

“I’m not giving you up, okay?” I tell him, tapping his nose with my finger. “You’ve got everything I want. Maturity, kindness. Sincerity. Honesty.” I smooth my palm along his jaw. “Lil’ bit of facial hair. Nice biceps.”

“Stop it,” he says, laughing again.

He’s starting to believe me. It shows on his face. His relieved smile reaches his eyes, lighting them up, crinkling the tender skin at their corners. He draws me down into a sweet, soft kiss, then lays back, his blue gaze warm, newly calm.

I remember my exhaustion all at once, and the moment I do, it sweeps over me at full force. My body feels so heavy, so slow.

I tuck my head beneath Aiden’s chin, then lift it again, something dawning on me.

“Dude, we saved someone today.”

“Yes, we did,” Aiden sighs happily, his eyes already closed. “Course, we completely blew off going to the exhibition space, and I crashed your nice morning with Raj, Noosh, and Mellie, and-”

He cuts himself off, then shakes his head aggressively, as if he’s trying to clear the air around his face.

I watch him, faintly puzzled. “What are you doing?”

“Letting myself enjoy the good moments,” he says firmly, and gathers me into his arms.

Aiden falls asleep pretty quickly after that, and I shift to study him, watching his chest rise and fall, his dark eyelashes curling on his cheeks.

I reach for my phone, start typing out a message.

Hey, Mel, so sorry but something important came up, Aiden and I won’t be able to make it to the exh

I must have closed my eyes. I don’t remember doing it. I’m distantly aware of my phone slipping from my hand onto the bed, and then a soft thunk as it tumbles to the floor. But I couldn’t rouse myself right now even if the whole building was on fire.

The last thing I’m aware of is reaching for Aiden’s hand.

I let out a long breath, and fall headfirst into deep, peaceful sleep.