Chapter 11

The Rogue’s Alpha

-Horatio-

God dammit, I want to just grab Xabien’s face and kiss him, but that’s me thinking with my heart, and not my head. And I want him. I really do. I want to be his mate, and I want him to be mine. I have feelings for him, and I wouldn’t deny that if anyone asked me.

It’s also just more complicated than that.

“As you know, my biggest reservation about you is the fact that you’re an alpha. Which is dumb, because it’s not even anything to do with you, it’s literally just Karn. Obviously, I know that if I allow myself to be with you, it’s not going to make me hate him any less. But- I’m scared that if I let myself love an alpha, I won’t be able to keep hating Karn. I’m worried that eventually, I’d forgive him.”

Glancing up at Xabien, I wait for him to say something. “My best friend has a younger brother. I’ve only known this other pack for about two years- it was Caro and Myles who led us to meet. Anyway, this guy, who’s like my little brother, and Caro, who is like another brother to me- they were attacked by the same three rogues. When I learnt about what happened, I was set in my mind that all rogues must be like that, and that I hated them.”

Xabien glances up at me, and smiles warmly. “And then I met you and your family. I know that those three rogues were terrible people, but they are nothing like you. And I know that my feelings for you don’t take away from the hatred I feel for those three rogues. Because, you may both not have packs, but that’s where the similarities end. Horatio, I want you to think about this: what similarities do I share with Karn beyond the fact that we both lead packs?”

I stare at him, reaching a hand up to the scars on my neck. “None, you’re completely different,” I say quietly, already knowing that this is the truth. Xabien smiles gently, leaning back in his seat a little.

“If that’s the case, why do you think being with me would dampen how you feel towards a different alpha?”

Suddenly I feel so angry, but not at Xabien- I just…I feel so angry at Karn, for ruining even this for me, for not letting me be happy even with my mate, the person I want to be with. Xabien’s arms are around me all of a sudden as he pulls my head to his shoulder, patting my back gently, and I realise I’m crying.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he says gently, and I shake my head, clinging onto him and scenting him gently, letting his presence calm me down. “It’s not your fault, none of this is your fault,” I say quietly, realising that I already have my answer to this whole problem.

“I won’t let that alpha ruin things with this alpha,” I whisper, pulling back from Xabien enough to bring my lips to his. He smiles into the kiss, wrapping his arms more securely around me and stroking my back gently.

He pulls back slowly, wiping the remaining tears from my eyes. “What are you…what…?” He asks, and I know what question he’s trying to get out.

“What does this make us?”

Reaching up, I stroke his cheek. “Will you mate with me?” Xabien stares at me, his expression somewhere between flabbergasted and unbelievably happy.

“Really? You’re really sure you’re sure? Because you can’t tell me you want to be my mate and then change your mind, that would actually kill me,” he says, suddenly sounding so fragile.

I laugh wetly, my voice still moist with tears as I kiss him again. “I’m not going to change my mind, Xabi. I’ve already decided. You’re nothing like him, and I won’t let him continue to impact my life even after we’ve escaped him. I won’t let him get in the way of our happiness, Xabien,” I says gently, tangling our fingers together.

He hugs me more tightly, scenting me like he can’t believe I actually agreed. To be honest, I wasn’t sure where this was going to go today. On one hand, I knew he would try and convince me to be his mate, but I hadn’t expected him to tell me things from his side.

To be honest, the thing about the rogues helped me understand that I can hate an individual, and leave the concept of what that individual is behind with that person.

Not all alphas are evil, greedy things out to destroy my life. One alpha is like that. Many more, are perfectly fine people. And then, there’s one- my alpha, who is out to make my life a million times better.

So, why should I try stop that from happening, purely on principle? Why shouldn’t I let myself be happy? There’s nothing stopping me, except myself.

And I’m not standing in my own way any longer.

“Are you busy this evening?” I ask Xabien, still hiding my face in his shoulder. “No, why?” I bite my lip, suddenly feeling like he’s going to think I’m going too fast if I ask this, but…most werewolves mate as soon as they know who the other is, waiting only a couple hours or days, but never weeks.

Well, it’s been over a month, so…“do you want to mate tonight?” I ask quietly, my face suddenly feeling very warm. Xabien pulls me back from him gently, looking into my eyes, and finding only my affection for him.

“Are you sure? I mean, I want to, but I know this wasn’t an easy decision for you, and if we mate tonight, you can’t back out-“ I press a finger to his lips, nuzzling his hand where it rests on my cheek.

“I already told you, I’m not going to change my mind. Are you going to change yours?”

Xabien smiles like sunshine, kissing my finger where it rests on his lips. “I made my mind up the moment you sealed our deal with a kiss.” I smirk, remembering how I thought I was so cool for kissing him first, like that gave me some kind of power over him.

I don’t want there to be a power dynamic with us. There will always be a natural one, because he’s bigger and tougher, an alpha whilst I’m a rogue. However, we are also equals; and that’s all I could ever hope for.