Aster
I was feeling great thinking about the long night of texting that happened with Leaf a few nights ago. It felt good to finally find someone that understood me. I was still skeptical to tell them about my secret. It would be a while before I would even consider telling them. We have texted almost every few hours since that night, except when we need to sleep. It's usually me saying we need to sleep otherwise I don’t think Leaf would. They somehow survive being majorly sleep-deprived and pumped full of caffeine. The classic tale of a college student though, I learned from texting them that they were two years younger than me. I’m 21, but only three years of living as my actual self.
Leaf
I tried not to text too often as I know Aster has her own things she needs to do. She does a lot I learned. Even though the cafe is her only “official job” She volunteers at many places at varying times. I’m constantly reminded of how awesome Aster is. I wish I had my life so put together as she did hers, but I don't think I'm going to get there any time soon. It is already almost night, so I decided to make myself a simple little dinner. It was chips, a sandwich, and a soda. After I was finished eating, I laid down on my bed bingeing my newest show. It was past the time Aster usually stopped texting.
Aster
I sat up in my bed feeling the upcoming wave of despair. I tried preparing myself, but it never works. I start crying, gasping in air as I do. It was ugly as always. It starts with no reason, but it continues because of many things. Worries, fears, insecurities, questions that I don't have answers to. They all swirl around me as I try to calm myself, but it doesn't work. I wrap my arms around one of my pillows, and laying my head on it. Charcoal sat against me purring. I could tell she knew I wasn’t feeling good.. I started thinking about Leaf, I wanted to call them, but then again I didn't. The urge to call them was growing stronger and stronger. I picked up my phone texting Leaf, asking if I could call them. A few minutes went by when my phone suddenly chimed. It was Leaf saying I could. I was relieved.
Leaf
I was surprised when I saw the text from Aster asking to call. She was usually asleep by now. I said she could and almost as soon as I sent that my phone started ringing. I answered and started talking softly. "Hey ,Aster is everything alright?" I could hear her sobbing "...no.*sob*..I'm sorry *deep breath*… I needed to call someone" "no don't apologize, now do you need me to just listen to you, talk to you, out what do you want me to do to help you?" "Just listen ...please" I wasn't used to hearing her like this, she was crying while getting a few words out at a time, and taking deep breaths. I tried my best to just listen to her, but also let her know I was still there and actually listening. It took about an hour to get where she was only sniffling while talking, but I listened and comforted her. I knew what it was like to have a sudden attack of emotions. She said I was the only person she could call, and didn't know what she would've done if I didn't want to call. I knew what it felt like to have nobody to call.
Aster
I sat there crying to Leaf over so many things, thankful for them. I could tell they were actually listening to me, and cared. I then cried over that too, telling them they were the only person I could call, appreciating what they were doing for me. I started feeling a little embarrassed that they had heard me cry for about an hour, but that quickly passed. “Thank you for listening to me, again I really appreciate it” “It’s no problem. It’s way past the time you usually sleep, you probably need to. We could maybe hang out tomorrow, so you aren’t alone.. If that’s what you want?” “Yeah.. I do need to, and I would love to hang out tomorrow, I’ll text you sometime tomorrow to get the details, but now I’m going to bed, goodnight Leaf” “goodnight Aster, sleep well” I hung up thinking about how grateful I am of them. I got up from my bed, taking some melatonin. I laid back down, the exhaustion and melatonin working together finally.
Leaf
Aster hung up. I didn’t want to go to sleep just in case she needed to call me again. I knew myself well enough to know that I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. I sat in my kitchen drinking some coffee, scrolling through my feed. My mind was playing what just happened over and over, just earlier this day I was thinking that she had everything figured out, but she didn’t. It helped me to remember the fact that everyone has struggles. I was getting bored from just scrolling through everything so I decided that I wanted to watch something.
I sat down on my blanket pile setting my computer on the table, picking a show to watch, and putting music to play in the background on my phone, something I’ve done for as long as I can remember to help me focus after something stressful. Most people would assume it would do the opposite, but it helps me not notice other sounds as much because my brain will register most of them as part of the music. I also had my chewi necklace on, and I was using it. My hands fiddling with my blanket as I watched my shows.
I woke up with my computer dead and my coffee still half full. It was about 5 am, I only slept about two hours, but it helped. I picked up my computer and took it to my kitchen to plug it in to charge. I dumped out the old coffee and started a fresh cup. I still had to figure out a few places that I could take Aster. I decided on taking her to a park, but I didn’t know which so I will let her decide that. The parks are peaceful and quiet, the playgrounds in them almost never have any kids at them because of the walks to get to them. I’m glad she trusted me enough to call me.
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