Seriously, now?

I looked at the food longingly and shut my eyes in frustration. I made my way to the door ready to give a piece of my mind to whom ever was on the other side. I opened it and face palmed myself. 

Really.

"Hey." Ethan said with a smile. My face was still covered by my palm. I growled in response. "Oh come on stop acting like your not happy to see me." He chuckled. I looked at him through my fingers. He brushed past me and started taking off his shoes.

"Who told you to come in?" I frowned.

"What? are you gonna kick me out?" He said ruffling my hair. He turned to go in and I pulled him by the arm. He looked at me and pulled him arm back. He took a step forward and I pulled  him stumbling on his shoes and fell in his arms. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me. He helped me to my feet.

My arms were holding on to his biceps and his on my elbows. He towered over me looking down at me. I looked up again and our eyes met. He held my gaze. Then pulled me closer to him resting his hands on my waist. I was drowning in his scent. I had goosebumps all over my body. My heart was racing and my stomach had butterflies. I could feel his breath on my face. Every time he exhaled sent shivers down my spine. I subconsciously leaned in. His eyes traveled from my eyes to my lips and I did the same. He leaned in and breathed me in his lips brushed against mine a couple of times. I cupped his face. I really really really wanted to kiss him. I rubbed the tip of my nose with his. He moaned and I bit my lip.

"Ethan." I whispered he growled in response.

"I know." He said in a husky voice.

"We can-" 

"I know." He cut me off. 

He moved to the side of my face and brushed his lips on my cheek. And inhaled deeply.

"Fuck." He cursed as he exhaled. 

I rested my forehead on his chest and closed my eyes. I moved my hands to the back of his neck and played with his hair. He moved his head and rested it on the crack of my neck and sighed. I could hear the steady rythm of his heart beat which seemingly calmed mine down. 

His hands traveled up my back and he hooked his hands on my shoulders pulling me into a hug. I changed the position of my head and rested my cheek on his left peck and my hands remained where they were. My body fit in his embrace like I was made just for him. After a long moment of silence he finally decided to speak.

"I shouldn't be around you." I could hear the vibration in his chest as he spoke. It sent my heart to a frenzy. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. I got quiet for a while. 

"Me too." I moved my arms and locked them around his waist and pulled him even closer inhaling him. I didn't want to even be an inch away from him. 

I refuse for this moment to be ruined or taken away from me. No matter how much my logic is screaming at me telling me how wrong this is. I just don't care.

"I think I-"

"Don't say it. If you say it we can't go back." I know what he was going to say if he did I wouldn't be able to hold back and this would end badly. 

"I need that doubt so I can keep going and find it in me to not....do this." I said the last part in a whisper as I curessed his back.

He stood up straight and cupped my face looking in to my eyes with a sad look in his eye.

"I understand." He said then gave my forehead a long kiss. I closed my eyes and felt his soft warm lips against my skin trying to memorize this feeling as much as I could. I don't know if I'll ever feel this again I need to savour it.

"I should go." He said and started to put on his shoes. I just stood there looking at him. He turned to me and gave me a small smile exposing the damn dimples. 

Those damn dimples. 

My heart sunk. He curessed my cheek with his thumb then grabbed the back of my neck causing my forehead to land on his chest. He rested his chin on the top of my head. My had rested on his wrist. 

"Bye." He said in a low voice. He looked at me for a moment then turned to leave, closing the door softly.

I started breathing fast.  The air didn't seem to reach my lungs. There was a painful lump on my throat that wouldn't go away. I backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor. I hugged my legs with my knees close to my chest and put my forehead on them. I just broke down and cried. I don't know for how long but it was for a long time. 

By the time I calmed down my head ached and my mouth was dry. I dragged myself off the floor and layed on my bed looking up at the ceiling. I don't know when but eventually I drifted off to sleep.