I got to his apartment and parked somewhere near. I went up the elevator and got to his door then knocked a few times. I heard some rattling the a curse. I chuckled. He opened the door and his eyes widened. I bet he wasn't expecting to see me. He facepalmed himself.

"Hey." I smiled. He growled in response not moving. "Oh come on stop acting like your not happy to see me." I chuckled. I brushed past him since he looked like he wasn't going to let me in any time soon and started taking off my shoes.

"Who told you to come in?" He frowned.

"What? Are you gonna kick me out?" I said ruffling his hair. I turned to go in and he pulled him by the arm. I pulled my arm back, it was like we were playing tag of war. He tripped on my shoe landing in my arms. I helped him to his feet.

He grabbed on to me all I did was look at him. He looked at me with his beautiful hazel eyes. He held my gaze. My hands moved from his elbows to his waist. I pulled him close. All I could feel was his body heat. His eyes had locked me in a daze. He's so beautiful. He subconsciously licked his lips as my eyes watched. My heart was steady. I was focused. It was as if everything else and everyone else didn't exist. It was just him and I in this moment. I started to lean in slowly so he wouldn't push me away. My lips brushed his soft ones. I inhaled his scent. I was intoxicated by it. My body got hot. He cupped my face and all I could feel was his small soft warm hands on my cheeks. He brushed his nose against mine, that almost sent me over the fucking edge to the point I ended up moaning. I bit my lip. I really really really wanted to kiss him.

"Ethan." He whispered my name.

"I know." I replied my voice husky.

"We can-" 

"I know." I cut him off. He doesn't know how much it's taking to hold back right now.

I leaned in more and inhaled more of him. My lips brushed his red cheeks.

"Fuck." Was all I could say.

He rested his forehead on my chest hands to the back of my neck and played with my hair. I moved my head and rested it on the crack of his neck and sighed. 

I curessed his back and rested my hands on his shoulders. I felt him rest his face on my chest. I pulled him closer. His body fit into my hold perfectly. 

I thought, I thought of how bad this could end up. But I think we both know. After a while of not speaking, I decided to break the silence.

"I shouldn't be around you." I told him as I closed my eyes and got lost in the moment. He didn't say anything for a while.

"Me too." He finally said.

He moved his hands from my neck to my waist and pulled me closer and held me tightly as of I was going to disappear.

I want to tell him. I want to tell him everything. I need to tell him.

"I think I-" I started to speak but he cut me off

"Don't say it. If you say it we can't go back." 

So he knows.

"I need that doubt so I can keep going and find it in me to not....do this." He whispered the last pert as he curessed my back.

I stood up straight and cupped his face looking in to his eyes, I felt sad. But I understood.

"I understand." I made clear. I gave his forehead a long kiss feeling his soft warm skin with my lips. 

"I should go." I said and started to put on my shoes as he watched me. I turned and looked at him and smiled a bit 

I curessed his cheek with my thumb. Then I grabbed the back of his neck and his forehead landed on my chest. I kissed the top of his head. I was fighting to not actually kiss him. Not sure he'd forgive me if I did.

"Bye." I said before leaving.

I walked out to the hallway leading to the elevator. I felt as if my heart was torn from my chest. As if I lost something. I looked back to his apartment door fighting the urge to go back and kiss him and even do more. I got the answer I was looking for. I now understand why I was feeling jealous. Even before I remembered, I felt something for him. Like I was drawn to him. All those years of him ignoring me and then finding out what he actually was to me. I get it. Now more than ever it's clear to me. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. The thing is...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I love him.