I had been cramming so much for my exams in the past weeks, my head literally kept repeating the materials even in my dreams. At one point I had a nightmare in which I stood in a building that was crumbling down over my head. And instead of getting myself to safety, I was just standing there, calculating which structural alterations they should have made to prevent the collapse. I woke up in sweat, screaming “diagonal bracing!”

Yeah, maybe I overdid it.

In the week leading up to my birthday I had only one exam: architectural history. Sally had been getting me up to speed, and though I wasn’t sure about all the answers, I was pretty confident I’d passed. I had bought Sally lunch to thank her and showed her my design project that was due that day.

I was extremely proud of it myself, though I hadn’t been able to put as much work in as I had wanted. It was a skyscraper, completely designed from scratch, and I could already picture myself living in the penthouse.

“Shit, you’re good.” Sally sighed when she had studied my drawings intently.

“Thanks, I think I could’ve done an even better job, but I couldn’t afford getting lost in the details, because then I’d have flunked my other classes. Well, I still might, but with your and Jerry’s tutoring, I can’t help but feel a little hopeful.”

“You’ll make it.”

“But that means you’re gonna have to put up with Jerry drooling over your sorority mates in bikinis.” I quipped.

“Yeah well, he said you’re gonna be his wingman and help him get laid.”

“I will.” I said, with as much confidence as I could muster.

“Yeah how exactly? Are you going to hijack the competition?”

“Only if they’re hot.”

Sally burst out laughing. “Good to see you’re getting over Matt. Now please go slut around college for me. I always wanted to do that, but I love Liam too much to follow my teenage dreams of being a ho-bag.”

“Might as well.” I quipped back. I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted though. Then again, I had no idea what I wanted anymore. I was way too messed up to figure that out right now.

I looked again at my drawings and realised I really, really, wanted to be an architect. I’d just focus on that, and see what life brought me until I figured out the rest.

***

I was still studying when I heard a text message come in. I looked at my phone and was it was exactly 00.00. I was a little surprised by the time, I apparently had been lost in trigonometry for four hours straight.

I was even more surprised to see the sender: Matt.

[Happy Birthday David] it said. I stared at it. Matt and I would usually spend my birthday night together. We started that when I turned ten. He had climbed my window and had woken me up at exactly 00.00 to give me my gift. In later years, we'd stay up together and he'd kiss me at exactly midnight. 

As much as it brought back the pain that out tradition was over before the ten-year mark, it was nice of him to text. I was a little taken aback by the fact that he had even remembered, with him being completely brainwashed by Adam.

Overwhelmed by a sad nostalgia, I walked to my window and looked out. I immediately caught the silhouette standing in front of the window above the wisteria. The room behind him was dark, but the curtain was half-opened. And I could see the sturdy, curly-haired figure standing there, looking right back at me.

I waved.

He waved back.

The sign was all I needed for my body to start sweating in a nervous anticipation. I had no idea what I was expecting, but I made my way outside without thinking. When I crossed the street, I saw the curtains of Matt’s window closed. He was standing there no longer, which made my heart-beat soar. Was he really coming outside too?

He wasn’t. I waited for about 20 minutes, then gave up and went back inside. I walked back up to my room and saw I had gotten another message 17 minutes ago. [I’m sorry] it said.

I cried. I didn’t want to wake anyone up, so I silently cried into my pillow for hours. For some reason, this heartbreak felt worse than the times I cried about Matt before. And that had been a lot. I hadn’t realised it then, but now I could clearly see why. All those times, even after Matt’s wedding, I had still had a spark of hope somewhere. It had come out when I saw him waving at me. It was the reason why I went downstairs. And now, it was truly gone.

***

I woke up red-eyed and tired to the blaring sound of my alarm. My body moved automatically through my morning routine which, since recently, started with a 15-minute workout before showering and getting dressed. But as soon as I came downstairs, the smell of pancakes snapped me out of the autopilot. I entered the kitchen, and I saw my father standing at the stove flipping pancakes. My mother was sitting at an elaborately set table, smiling at him. The entire kitchen was decorated with birthday garlands and balloons, like I had just turned 6.

Their heads turned to me and they both started singing happy birthday. I smiled. Not really because I liked their singing, but because of the realisation that some things do stay the same. After they finished their song, my parents drew me in a big family hug, and I felt loved again.

The heartbreak wasn’t forgotten, but I did feel a lot better after that. I ate too many pancakes too quickly, because even if it was my birthday, I did need to get ready to catch the 7.52 bus to campus. My parents had been chatting happily to me, and I didn’t mention a word about what had transpired last night. I didn’t want them to start worrying about me again. Besides, I could feel that this last sliver of hope disappearing from my heart had been the beginning of the end. Everyone had been right. I was going to get over Matt eventually, however long it would take.

Something was up with my parents though. They were just TOO excited for something, and I had no idea what it was. When I went outside to catch my bus, my parents walked out in front of me, which was weird as well.

“Ta DAH!” my dad beamed proudly, sticking out his arms to the side like a magician’s assistant presenting the prestige. I turned my head to see what he was motioning at and found myself staring at a little red car. It wasn’t a new one, but it was so well polished it shone. It had a white bow wrapped around it.

“Oh my god! Is that mine?” I exclaimed.

“Yes, it is! You didn’t ask for a gift this year and we were just thinking what we could do to make you happy. So we thought you could use some independence.”

I hugged and kissed my parents. I was so happy. Riding the bus everywhere was exhausting and never efficient, because of change-overs. Matt used to drive me everywhere, but since that was over I had to rely on either my parents, Gina or public transportation. This car was a dream come true.

“I know you’d probably have preferred a fancier car, but you can buy that yourself when you are a big hotshot architect.”

I looked at the bow-wrapped Honda and hugged my parents again.

“Mum, dad, thank you so much. It’s perfect.”

“You’re welcome son.”

I smiled, undid the ribbon, and got in the car. It smelled like air freshener covering up a faint smell of cigarettes. I didn’t mind. Happy as can be, I drove it to school and spent a little too much time showing it to all of my friends. We all ended up being late for class, but miraculously managed to avoid any repercussions.

This sure as hell was a good day.

My friends all congratulated me in person, but I got a shitload of text messages on my phone and Instagram too. All of them made me smile, but the one from Chris stood out: [Happy birthday David, have a great day! I’m looking forward to laser tag tomorrow!]

I was looking forward to tomorrow too. Even more so than my party tonight. And it was not just because I’d spend the day with Chris. No, I was especially looking forward to my surprise gift. Thinking about it made me tingle with excitement. I hoped with all my heart she wouldn’t say no.

Time flew by, and before I knew it, I could get back into my precious Honda. The entire ride home I drove a little too enthusiastically but forgave myself for it. I needed to get a feel of the car, right?

Gina was waiting for me at home with a wide grin on her face and a square gift in her hands. There was a cake in the oven too. I thanked her for going through the trouble of extending her 8-hour workday at the bakery by whipping me up a birthday cake. She urged me to open the gift, while telling me all about why this cake was especially going to be great. Baking didn’t really interest me, but it was always fun to hear her being enthusiastic about her creations.

Gina had gotten me the entire Quentin Tarrentino collection on blu-ray, and we decided to spend the afternoon watching Inglorious Basterds. When mom and dad came home from work, we ordered pizzas and had the birthday cake as a dessert. It was fun hanging out with the entire family. Yet, at 19.30 I had to go and pick up Jerry and Kelly.