We arrive at the mall and I can already tell this is going to be a miserable trip. Noah is bouncing off the walls excited and I hate shopping for so many reasons.
“Come on,” Noah looks around as he talks, “Let's get our meet clothes first-”
“Then I need to get something for a friend. You guys have around the proportions.”
“Oh no, I came here to get some basic dress clothes then leave. I’m not here to try on clothes for your friend. And what friend? I’m pretty sure I’m your only friend.” I pop my hip out and put my hands on my hips.
“How rude.” He covers his heart, “I have many friends.”
I raise my eyebrow. “Who?”
“Umm...Joni!” he shouts looking like a liar.
“So you are buying clothes for Joni?”
“Uhh… yes?” He shrugs.
“Whatever. Lets get on with it then.”
“Aw don’t be jealous Payton.” he coos at me.
I scoff. “I am not jealous, you’re just a liar.”
“Whatever.” he pouts walking through the cafeteria to get to the shops.
After spending 2 hours with Noah buying clothes (kill me now), we finally are going to buy clothes for ‘Joni’.
“Okay let's stop in here.” he stops in front of a Forever 21. I severely overestimated myself. I think I might break down if I have to shop and try on girl clothes for Joni.
“Okay…” I say meekly. He grabs my hand and pulls me into the dress section.
“Okay so…” Noah taps his chin. “Which dresses do you think Joni will like?”
“Did she not give you a list?” I ask, staring at the short dresses in front of me.
“Well this is more as a present then a favor…” Noah trails off.
I wince, too nervous to argue with him. “Okay well, I like…” I trail my fingers over the silky fabric of the dress. My fingers halt over a dark red summer dress with tiny white polka dots all over it. I grasp the silk fabric. “This one…” I whisper. I glance up at Noah almost expecting him to laugh at me. He has a soft proud smile on his face. I glance down, a smile overcoming my face.
“Okay!” Noah claps his hand, “What size are you?”
“Me!?” I squeak.
“Well yeah, I told you you and Joni were the same size.” He pulls out a medium and a large. “I don’t know how men to women clothes sizes are so you can just try them on.” He walks over to the jean section.
I follow him sadly. I like girl shopping, but I wish I actually got to keep the clothes I try on.
“Okay so…” he walks around me staring at my legs. “What size jeans do you need?”
“I don’t know!” I say flustered.
“Hmm… I guess we’ll just get a bunch of sizes. What do you think, skinny?” He looks at the jeans.
I stand there shocked. I had never seen Noah so into shopping. He must really want to impress Joni.
“Umm yeah, skinny.” I say, grabbing a pair of light blue, ripped, skinny jeans.
“Yeah, those are good!” He grabs them from my hands and marches over to a shirt section.
“I think a silk blouse would be nice.” I mumble shyly.
“Yeah, what color?”
I drag my hand down the row of clothes stopping at a yellow shirt. I pick it up. “This one?” I cock my head.
“Perfect! Go try them on.” He drags me to the other side of the store, pushing me into a dressing room.
“Try them on! When you find a size that fits come out and let me see.”
“Okay.” I stare at myself in the mirror holding all of the clothes.
I set the clothes down on the bench and slowly peel off my clothes till I’m standing in nothing but my boxers. I stare at my flat chest. My eyes jump to my hair legs and I wish I could shave them without being judged. I grab the dress and pull it on. Way too big. The whole thing hangs on me like one of Noah's shirts. I chuck it off and grab the medium size of the same dress and slip it on. It’s a lot harder to get on, but once it’s over my head and slips down my body easily. I keep my eyes trained on the floor. My boxers are longer than the dress, but I slip them off to see the full image. I feel the silk of the dress brush my upper thigh when I move. I wish I would’ve shaved my legs.
I lift my eyes to the mirror. My eyes travel all over my body. I don’t really have the right curves, but the dress makes it seem like I have some. There’s a slight dip in the top and I wish I had boobs, but it doesn’t look that bad. I feel tears well up in my eyes and spill over. I love it. I walk up and touch the mirror lightly with my finger tips. My lip trembles and a whimper spills over my lips.
“You good Payton?” Noah asks cheerily through the door.
“Yeah.” I croak my voice breaking.
“Well come out and let me see.”
I scrub the tears off my face and try to get my shit together. I hold my breath as I swing the door open.
Noah is standing against the wall looking at the door, well, now looking at me. His mouth opens slightly before a proud smile. “Now this is right.” He gives me a firm nod and I blush grabbing the hem of the dress and swinging it around lightly.
“Yeah.” I smile.
“Wait, are you wearing underwear?” Noah questions, staring at my legs.
My face burns. “You could see my boxers since the dress is so short so I took them off.”
“Okay. Go try on the pants and shirt then we only have one more place to go.” Noah laughs
“Okay.” I spin and go back into the dressing room ready to try on more. As I walk back in I look in the mirror and see myself and my smile drops. I look at my strong arms, hairy legs and short hair and feel sick. It’s strange that how I looked and felt in my head and how I actually look in the mirror is so different.
I try on the shirt and pants and find ones that fit before I get dressed and we buy the clothes.
“Okay! One last store then we can go home for the meet.” Noah says as I trail after him to our last store. My brain trails off thinking about the meet tonight. There are two omegas coming to the pack house to meet Noah. One of them is a girl who doesn’t go to our school so Noah and I have never seen her. The other one is a male omega who goes to our school but I’ve never even heard of him before.
“Here we are!” Noah says stopping in front of a store.
I glance up then do a double take when I see we’re at Victoria Secret.
I whip my head up at him. “What the hell are we doing here!?”
“Well,” he rubs his neck awkwardly, “You said your underwear showed with the dress so I figured yo- Joni! Might need some.” he coughs
“Noah. I’m sure Joni already has underwear.” My face is on fire.
“Maybe,” Noah shrugs, “But you could always use more.”
“Oh god.” I groan as Noah marches into the store ignoring the weird looks from the women in the store. I follow after him awkwardly looking at the different lingerie. Noah goes over to a section with solid color, lacy panties.
“Okay, which colors do you think Joni likes?” Noah asks. I’m sure my face is on fire as I look at the panties before me.
“Well… I think if m-maybe we get a b-black and white p-pair with matching th-thigh highs, and a couple solid color ones, we’ll be good.” I stutter through.
“Genius!” He grabs the black and white ones with the thigh highs before moving to more colorful pairs. “I think we should get this light pink pair, it has thigh highs too!”
I grab the underwear and thigh highs. “Wait, Noah, why does this have a heart shaped hole where the butt’s supposed to be?” I flush.
“Makes it sexier that way.” Noah shrugs. “Maybe I should get a pair for my mate.” He mumbles grabbing a light blue pair of the same thing. I blush as the check out lady rings up the lingerie. She gives us a bored look as Noah pays and we leave the store.
We arrive home at 1:30, just enough time to get ready for the meet and get to the pack house..
“Oh god I’m so nervous.” Noah paces shoving a Ding Dong in his mouth.
“Well maybe you shouldn’t be eating that. You’ll be bloated.” I say watching him from the bar stool.
“Gah!” He throws away the rest of the Ding Dong. “Ew. Oh well,” he shrugs. “Your clothes are on my bed.”
“Okay.” I continue sitting and pull out my phone.
“Aren’t you going to get ready?” Noah asks, impatient.
“Do I need to now? We still have a hour and a half.” I look up.
“Come on.” He grabs my arm and I stumble off the stool as he drags me to his room.
I look at the bags on the bed. “Noah, these are Joni's’ clothes.” I stare at the bed.
“No these are for you.” Noah hands me the Forever 21 bag.
I stare at the bag frozen. What do I do? Do I deny everything? Do I confess? I feel my eyes brim with tears. “I uh… Don’t know what you're talking about.” I keep my eyes down cast.
“Come on Payton.” Noah says with a serious tone. “I’m not fucking stupid.” I flinch. “Every time you flinch when people call you dude. Or the way you cross your legs. The way you walk. When I first noticed you looking at girls I just thought you had finally got into your horny teenage years, but then I saw you looking at guys and I thought ‘okay he’s bi, cool’. But the way you look at girls, you don’t like them, you're analyzing them.” I feel shame flood my system. ”So I asked Jason what that could mean-” I shoot my head up, “I didn’t say any names, just a hypothetical.” I avert my next to him and sit down on the bed. “He told me that you might just be curious, that it wasn’t that strange, but I told him about everything else and he told me that you might want to be a girl. So I did some research and figured it made sense. I don’t give a shit whether my best friend is a boy or a girl. But I care that my best friend doesn’t trust me enough to tell me.”
Angry tears run down my cheeks as I let out a broken sob. “What the fuck is wrong with me!” I yell, still sobbing into my hands. “It’s s-so *hic* wrong.” I wail looking up at Noah.
He stares at me with the same neutral expression before walking over to me and putting his arm around me. I thrash around trying to get him off of me. “Don’t TOUCH m-me!” I wail hitting him and trying to push him away. I drop to the floor yelling at him and he grabs me, shushing me, and yanks me into his arms holding me tight as I thrash.
“Shh, shhh. It’s okay. You’re perfect there’s nothing wrong with you. Shh…” I thrash around one last time before sinking into him, wrapping my arms around him and sobbing into his shoulder. “There's nothing wrong with your mind. Just your body. Which is why you need to tell me, so we can work on fixing it.”
I open my eyes but keep my head down staring at his tear stained shirt. “I’m sorry.” I whimper, my voice hoarse from the screaming.
“Don’t apologize. I probably shouldn’t have ambushed you.” I hum in agreement. “But you’re fucking miserable and I can’t stand it. You’re my sister.”
“F-fuck *hic*” I start sobbing again, squeezing him tight.
“So tell me about it. How you feel, who you are.” He tells me, pulling away so we’re facing each other on the floor, both of our faces tear stained.
So I did. I told him that I’m a girl, how I knew and what I felt. Everything. Even how I felt at those stores.
As I finished he pulled me into a hug. “I fucking love you Payton.”
“Yeah…” I smile. “But I don’t think I can come out yet. Or wear these clothes around people.”
“That’s fine. You gotta start small. You could just do little things. Like shave your legs, if you want, and wear these clothes just you and me.” Noah smiles at me. A full blown Noah smile.
“Yeah okay.” I smile at him feeling giddy and a thousand times lighter.
“Okay. So now that that took…” Noah looks at the clock. “An hour, we only have thirty minutes to get ready.”
“Oops?” I shrug. “I’ll change quickly here then we can go.”
“Got it.” Noah says. I smell the fear in his pheromones.
“Chill-ax bro. You’ll find your mate and you’ll both love each other and live happily ever after. Okay?”
“Yeah… Yeah.” Noah says with a firm nod.
“Good. Now get outta here while I change.” I demand pushing him out the door.
I hear him laugh and I change quickly exiting the room to find Noah ready and waiting by the door. “You ready?” He asks.
“Yep.” I answer and open the door.
So it has come to my attention that I don't know how to put pictures on here so... if someone wants to tell me in the comments how I'll do it, if not SOL folks.