In the middle of the bustle inside the teachers’ lounge, Isamu stands in front of a woman, sitting at her desk.
“Sensei, why do you keep calling me here for these advice sessions?”
The woman is dressed neatly in a pencil skirt that reaches her knees, paired with a white blouse tugged into her skirt. She turns around to him with a smile.“Sit down, Matsumoto-kun.”
“Why don’t you ever answer that question?” He pulls the chair from the empty desk next to hers. “Um, se-”
“Today, we talk about sonder. Do you know what that is?” She says, arranging the things on her desk- a very used notebook, a turned-over paperback book, her phone and a few files.
“I -”
“To say in a few words, sonder is the realization that you aren’t the protagonist of the world, no one is."
"But I-"
"It’s the recognition of the fact that there have been millions and millions of people who have lived full lives before you were born, that there are billions now who are living their lives at this moment and there will be billions more even after you’re no longer alive...Any questions?”
“I know all this already! She told me all this back…in …junior… hi-” Isamu suddenly stands up, knocking his chair over. The sound of its fall resounds throughout the room. He takes a few steps away and looks around to find nobody there in the room.
“Where’s all this chatter coming from, then?” He turns his head slowly towards the woman who had continued talking, neither flinching nor turning her head toward him.
She continues, “By the way, have you made any new friends, Matsumoto-kun? I can’t have my prize student being anti-social. I won’t always be here to help you out, you know?”
Isamu’s eyes widen as a look of terror spreads across his face. He feels his gut churn as icy chills travel along his back. He reels back, hitting his back against the wall. His breaths become more frequent and shallow with any passing moment.
“Why am I in my junior high school? Why do I remember being here and listening to Shouko-sensei talk about all that? Why isn’t she even moving from her seat?” He slowly moves close to her. Gulping, he says, “S-sensei?” He fights to get the words out. “Shouk-”
She suddenly turns her head. Shocked, Isamu falls and tries to get back up. She approaches him with a smile before extending her hand. “Here, Matsumoto-kun.”
Isamu had already become pale. He feels the air getting colder. He pushes himself up. Taking back her hand, she says, “You don’t look so good, Matsum-”
Isamu shakes as he says, “Wh-what’s going on? N-n-nothing makes sense. H-how am I t-talking to you?”
“You aren’t, dear prize student.”
“Huh?”
“Why do you think you feel like this all has happened before?” She says, shaking her long brown hair to the side. Hearing no response, she continues, “Look around. What parts of this do you remember? The chatter? My speech on sonder? The breeze coming in through that window?”
“Remember?”
“You didn’t notice the people in the room before, did you? How many times have I told you to be aware of your surroundings? I won’t always be here to help you out, you know? I won’t always be here to help you out, you know? I won’t always be here to help you out, you know? I won’t always be here-”
Isamu, covered in sweat, covers his ears and crouches where he was standing. The same sentence is repeated while he slowly moves towards the door.
When he lets go of one of his ears to open the sliding door, he finds it closed tight. He hears the woman still repeating the same sentence. He takes both his hands off and pulls with all his might but is unable to open it.
“I won’t always be here to help you out, you know? I won’t always be here to help you out, you know? I won’t always be here to help you out, you know? I won’t always be here to help you out, you know?I won’t always be here to help you out, you know?I won’t always be here to help yo-”
“WHAT’S GOING ON? LET ME OUT! SOMEONE, LET ME O-”
………………………………………………………………………………..
Isamu opens his eyes, gasping for air. He lifts his head and hurries to get away from the table and hits his knee on the table while trying. He finds himself drenched in sweat. Desperately trying to move away, he tries to use his hands but slips and hits his head on the ground.
He feels his heart pounding against his chest. He tries to take deep breaths. “A dream? Or should I call that a nightmare?”
He feels something soft touching his toes. Turning over to the side, he pushes himself up with the elbow of one hand and the palm of the other. He finds a cat walking around the table, towards him.
He picks it up when it reaches him. Brushing through its grey fur, he says, “Did I look like I needed help?” It closes its eyes and lets out a content ‘meow’ as Isamu strokes its head and cheeks.
Isamu says with a chuckle, “You just wanted this, didn’t you?”
…………………………………………………………………………………
Akira follows the old lady back from the kitchen. The lady had a tray in her hand with some cookies, a kettle and some teacups on it. She says, “Akira-chan, could you turn off the lights in the kitchen, dear? I think I forgot to.”
“Ah-mm. Sure.” Akira turns around as the lady enters the living room.
“She didn’t tell me anything about Matsumoto-kun in the end. All we did was chat about our love for cats and then she talked about her… ‘deceased’ daughter. Wish the conversation didn’t go that way...” She lets out a sigh.
Reaching the kitchen, Akira tries to find the switchboard. Finding it next to the refrigerator, she looks around the kitchen before switching it off.
She notices a small piece of paper stuck to the fridge with a magnet. She nears it and sees some questions written on it, but Akira looks closer at the footnote only. “Why is it inked out?”
“Oh, well, I can’t waste time on this,” she turns around and walks out of there, turning off the lights.
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