Alec spent every minute after his talk with Charlie, finding good ways to broach the subject with Nick and tell him what he wanted to say. He needed to find the right words. He wanted to make sure he didn't sound mean or annoyed or even angry. He had to make sure that Nick felt safe and comfortable enough to talk to him. To tell him everything.

The bell rang, pulling him away from his thoughts for the first time. It was break time, and all of the students were out of their seats, regrouping into their cliques, talking amongst themselves. Alec immediately searched for Nick. If there was any time for him to tell him he wanted to talk, it was now. But he wasn't at his seat anymore. Alec continued to search the classroom until he found him.

Nick was at the door. He was talking with Tate. Watching them interact made Alec's blood boil. He felt this urge to want to go there and pull Nick away.

"Hey, Alec." Kyle sat down at the desk beside him. "You feeling better?"

Alec wasn't listening to him. He was too concentrated on Nick and the scene that was unfolding before him.

"Alec?"

Nick laughed at something that Tate said. At that moment, Alec felt something snap inside him. Anger started to build up inside him at an alarming rate.

"Yo Alec, you listening to me?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Alec screamed as he turned to Kyle. The room went completely silent. All of his classmates' eyes were on him. Then Alec realized what he had done, and regret came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's...okay," Kyle said.

"I... I'm..." Alec looked up and saw Nick looking back at him. He seemed terrified. Alec felt his heart clench. He didn't want Nick to look at him like that. Like he didn't know him anymore. Alec lowered his head and grabbed all of his things. "I'm sorry."

He rushed out of the back door before Kyle, or anyone else could say anything. He could still see Nick's face, and his chest tightened more and more. He had to get out of there. He needed to leave.

When Alec got home, he immediately went under his covers. As if being there would help him get over what had happened. He couldn't believe what he had done. He had never snapped like that at anyone. Not even Felicity, who had deserved more than Kyle. He closed his eyes and curled up into a ball.

He grabbed his cell phone and quickly texted another apology to Kyle. He was his best friend. They had known each other for years. He couldn't lose him too.

"Alec?" He jumped at the sound of Nick's voice. It didn't sound like he was on the other side of his window but in his room. "I know you're there."

Alec threw the blanket off and looked up. He was right. Nick was there. He had followed him all the way home.

"What are you doing here?"

"Filipe, let me in." Alec cursed under his breath. He suddenly really hated that his brother was still around. He wondered when he was going to go back to school. "What's going on with you?"

Alec wanted to tell him everything. Tell him that he knew and didn't care. Tell him he wanted him in his life no matter what. Tell him he missed him. But what came out was something else.

"I thought you didn't care?" Alec wanted to hit himself. He didn't want to be mean to Nick.

"I do care." Nick approached the bed and sat down. He was keeping his distance, though. Like he was afraid. "I'm worried about you. You've been weird lately. And now you're even yelling at your best friend."

"It's nothing."

Alec didn't know what to say. He knew he wanted to talk to Nick, but he couldn’t now. Not when he was like this. Not when he couldn't even control his own emotions.

"It's not nothing. I can tell something's wrong."

For the second time, something inside Alec snapped, and he could no longer contain the ugliness inside him.

"You can tell something's wrong?" He scoffed. "Really? I don't know how that's possible. We haven't spoken in four years because you've been avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Really? Then why did you say we couldn't be friends."

"That... that's a different matter."

"No, it's not." Alec was getting angrier. "This has everything to do with that." Alec's head started to pound, and it seemed only to feed his nastiness. "If you had just told me the truth, none of this would have happened."

"What are you talking about?"

Nick was trying to feign ignorance, and it only enraged Alec more.

"I know Nick. I saw you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you that night!" Alec yelled. "With the dildo!"

Nick's face went completely white, and he dashed off the bed and out the window. When he was gone, Alec realized what he had said, and regret immediately took over. This isn't what he wanted. He wanted to have a proper talk with Nick. Not this.

"Nick. Wait!" Alec went after him, but before he could reach him, Nick closed his bedroom window. "Nick!" Alec pressed his head against the glass. "Please, Nick. Let me in."

Alec dropped to his knees. He really fucked up. He couldn't believe what he had done. It was like he had been taken over by something. Alec turned around and pressed his back against the brick wall.

"I'm sorry. That’s not how I wanted this conversation to go." Alec pulled his knees in. "I wanted to have a proper talk with you. To work things out calmly. But I fucked that up." He felt like such an asshole. "Ever since that night, I can't help but dream of you." Alec paused. "I can't get you out of my head. You're always there. You're all I've been thinking about lately. I don't know what it means. All I know is that I need you, Nick. My life's not the same without you."

There was a silence that followed, and it only made his chest ache. As if there was a hole, and it was slowly getting bigger with every second. He just wanted to restart the whole day. His whole life even. That way, he could do things right with Nick.

The window above his head opened, but Nick didn't come out. Alec got up and pulled the curtain back before slowly going inside. Nick was sitting at the far end of the bed with his back pressed against the wall. Alec cautiously approached and sat down.

"You've been dreaming about me?"

"Yes." Alec nodded. "Every night since."

Nick stared at him through his glasses. He seemed as confused as Alec.

"Are you with Tate?" Alec asked without actually thinking.

He was curious about it since they seemed to be close, and it bothered him.

"What?" Nick looked at him. "With Tate?" Alec nodded. "No. He's just a friend."

"Oh." Alec smiled briefly. "That's cool."

"Did you think I was dating Tate?" Alec lowered his head. He didn't know what to say to that. "You're..." Nick paused. "You're the only one I've liked."

Alec looked up. Nick was trying to hide his embarrassment. But seeing him like that made Alec's heart beat rapidly.

"How long?"

"Since the sixth grade. Maybe even earlier. I just noticed it then."

"You've liked me that whole time, and you never told me?"

"I was scared."

Alec remembered what Charlie had told him. Everything he had said was right.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" Nick looked at him.

"I wasn't there for you."

"It's okay." Nick smiled gently. "It wasn't so bad." His smile faded slightly. "The hardest part was staying away from you."

"Then why did you?"

"I didn't want you to find out and hate me."

There was nothing that Alec could think of that could make him hate Nick. He was a huge part of his life, and nothing could ever change that. He would always want Nick to be there.

"I wish you had talked to me." Alec approached him slowly. "I wouldn't have spent the last four years wondering what I did wrong."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Alec placed his hand on Nick's. "I'm not mad. I get why you didn't." He subtly laced his fingers with Nick's. "Do you think now we could start over?"

"I don't know." Nick didn't pull his hand away. He let his fingers intertwine with Alec's. "Things can't exactly go back. I mean. I have feelings for you, and you're straight."

"I don't know about that."

"What?" Hope flashed in Nick's eyes, but it was brief. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't think I'm completely straight." He looked down at their hands. "I'm confused."

There was a moment of silence that followed. Alec felt uncomfortable by it. This conversation was more nerve-wracking than he thought it would be. He thought it would be easy given their history, but it had only made it more complicated. Nick moved in closer.

"Do you want to try kissing?" Nick lowered his head. "See if it helps make things clear?"

Alec looked up. Nick's cheeks were red, and he was avoiding looking at him. He was nervous, and it made him look so cute.

"Yes." Alec nodded.