It's three am and wailing fills the room. I moan, but I get up anyway. Never mind that it’s already the third time this night. Amber sleeps like a log and never hears a thing, so it always comes back to me. Maybe it’s just some maternal instinct: the inability to sleep or ignore your child’s crying when they are hungry.

I sit down in the rocking chair in the corner of our room and put Alexis to my breast. She starts suckling greedily. She always drinks a lot and it is a relief for me that Amber can also produce milk, though less than me. I sift my fingers through her baby hairs while I cradle her to my chest. Despite a tiring pregnancy and a severe lack of sleep since Alexis’ birth two months ago, I have been on cloud nine since we found out I was pregnant. I knew at a young age that I was lesbian and that I would probably have a female mate, so in my teens, I already reconciled myself to the idea that I would never have a child that was biologically both mine and my partner’s. To now have such a child, the product of our love and so much more, is exhilarating. I have never been more grateful that Amber decided to freeze her sperm.

Alexis has stopped drinking and mewls. I try to put her little mouth back on my nipple, but she doesn’t start sucking again and keeps whimpering. I rock her gently to calm her and get her to fall asleep again, but she doesn’t let up, so I stand up and walk around. I hum a soothing melody. She whimpers, but I keep crooning and eventually, she’s at the brink of sleep. I carefully lower her into her cot and fortunately, she doesn’t stir.

I quickly visit the toilet and drink a sip of water before crawling back between the sheets. Amber turns and mumbles: “Charlotte? What time is it?”

“A quarter to four.”

“Alexis again?”

“Yes. What else?”

She chuckles softly. “How many times tonight?”

“Three.”

“I’m sorry you’re always the one who needs to get up and take care of her.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know, but I feel guilty you’re so tired and you can never sleep throughout a whole night.”

“I’m still on maternity leave, so I’ll sneak in a nap when our girl has hers. Besides, it’s part of the deal. No point complaining.”

Amber leans in for a peck. “Don’t forget to ask for help if you need it. I want to experience the difficult parts too.”

I turn on my left side and she spoons me and whispers to my shoulder: “Sleep in tomorrow. I’ll feed Alexis and make breakfast for you. I’ll wake you when I leave for school.”

“What time is that?”

“Half past ten.”

“Okay. Night, Am.”

“Night, Char.”