I would have protested to Magnus’s father taking Zhen with him, but my little cub seemed very at ease with Horatio who had clearly raised seven bears into adulthood.

Focusing my attention back into the kitchen I see eight sets of eyes on me.

It is unnerving to be honest.

“Well,” Siobhan claps her hands together breaking the silence, “I am going to follow my Mate. Jing, dear, let’s leave them to it.”

Siobhan links her arm into mine and guides me out of the door after her Mate. I glance over my shoulder toward Magnus, who looks like I feel, confused and unsure.

The youngest set of twins follow us out, Iago and Indy, I believe Siobhan had said. There were many names to try and learn. However, they were the most identifiable in their appearance but despite being the most independent in their outward looks they seemed to be the most dependent on each other. They moved almost as one, like they were conjoined.

“They’re very close.”

I start a little, not realizing I had drifted off in thought.

“I’m sorry?”

“Iago and Indy, they are much closer than any of the others. Sometimes I feel their intellect isolates them for not just the family but the world as well.”

“Does it worry you?”

“Not as much as it used to.” Siobhan shakes her head her eyes on the two teenagers, who had settled under a nearby tree, Iago was leaning against the tree his nose deep into the large book while Indy laid his head on his brother’s lap holding up a tablet, typing furiously with one hand. “They’ll find their way. All my little cubs do.”

I was quiet for a moment as our gaze moves from the twins to Horatio who was gently nudging Zhen toward the enthusiastic grizzly cubs.

It was all so different from how I was raised. Everything felt so free. This was the first family event where I felt like I could truly breath.

“Mrs. Bruin? Do you mind if I ask a question?”

“Siobhan, dear, and of course I don’t mind. Any away.”

“How did you know that you were making the right choices as a parent? I have no idea on what the correct way to raise a child even is. I can tell how you raised Magnus and his siblings is worlds different from how I was raised. How can you be sure what you’re doing is right?”

Siobhan laughed.

Head thrown back, a full carefree laugh. Nothing like the socially polite titter my mother does.

“Oh Jing, there is no one ‘correct’ way to parent. There are a million and one right ways to parent, just like there are a million and one wrong ways.” She turns to me suddenly, “You take it one step at a time and do what you feel is best. Make sure he is happy and healthy, the rest falls into place.”

“That simple.” I ask, the swirl of emotions and confusion I feel on the inside not showing though my usually expression of detached calm.

“Fuck No! It’s never simple, but if you let the fear of messing-up keep you from making choices you won’t get anywhere.”

Watching Zhen, I can feel all my fears bubble to the surface, maybe it’s having a motherly figure to talk to. I know my parents love me, but I know I could never have a conversation like this with them.

“He doesn’t really know me. I know him, his mother made sure to send me photos and updates, but we didn’t want to confuse him about why I was never around, why I never visit. I guess she had shown him pictures and told him who I was, but I haven’t been in his life until a few days ago.” I sigh deeply, “Now he’s here with me and I have no idea what I’m doing and it’s like an entirely place and a new way of living. He won’t come out of his panda form. He did for a bit when he first landed but not since then. I know he’s overwhelmed, confused, and scared. What if I ruin him?”

Faster than I can even think I am pulled into a tight, encompassing embrace.

For a small woman she has quite the grip.

I can’t help but lean into her embrace, resting my check on top of her head, the dark, wild hair tickling my nose.

My mother had never hugged like this or at all to be honest.

It felt like I didn’t have burdens or worries anymore, she has pulled them all out of me with her tight embrace.

“The fact that you worry about ruining him, shows just how good a parent you will be.” She pulls back slightly to look me in the eyes. “Children are resilient Jing. I’m not saying it will be easy and he won’t be in pain, but you will be able to guide him through it and we will all be here to help you. We are your family now too.”

It seems Siobhan has the same power as her son who can take own my walls and pull away my mask, leaving me open, raw and vulnerable.

I feel a tug on my pants, pulling me from the moment. Looking down I see Zhen, pawing at my legs.

Scooping him up I chuckle into his big brown eyes.

“What is it young sir? Do you need a hug as well?”

My little cub whines a little, pawing at me again. I let him paw playfully at my face for a moment before squeezing him tightly to me.

Maybe this will all be ok.

Maybe I can have the kind of family I always wished for.