The next day at school was a blur. The innocuous chatter of lessons drifted listlessly through one ear and out the other. It was only white noise that grew with every worrying thought.

I know I’m different.

The frustrating part is that I don’t know why. I see people around school exploring their sexualities and gender in such confidence. I often ask myself why I can’t be like them. Why is it so hard for me to understand myself? What am I missing?

And yet, deep down, I think I’m scared. Scared of myself. Scared to take the first step in understanding the labyrinthine soul of what makes each of us unique and special because I’m not.

I’m not special.

I’m not unique.

Just another face in the crowd.

And yet, I have a need to be. A need to be something that I don’t understand.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be pretty. I don’t know why. Seeing billboards with models and watching the girls in my class grow up, starting to pierce their bodies, wear makeup, dress differently…I felt jealous and shame. Shame, for being jealous and not understanding why. Even though I have these feelings I don’t understand them.

So, when Jas talked about Gaea yesterday, it sort of clicked. Maybe I could understand my feelings if I tried it.

Just once.

I’d like to try it.

I want to be pretty. I want to become someone else. Someone closer than myself. So that I can understand. I want to understand. I need to understand.

My leg is restless under my desk as my mind swirls with what I am, and what I should do, type of thoughts. I can’t focus. My world feels like I’m underwater.

And then the last bell rang.

I was still in my thoughts when walking home, so much so that I didn’t realize that Jas never met up with me to walk home.

By the time I look up and see where I am my heart sinks.

I’m startled.

I’m not at home.

I unconsciously walked right to it.

Ralph’s Meet-Up Arcade was what the sign said all lit up with a flashing border. On the window, there was a notice advertising their own Gaea units.

“Okay,” I whisper to myself. And before I know it, I’m walking into the arcade with the soft ding of the doors closing behind me.

“Why hello there.”

The voice was firm but sweet. A man in his sixties welcomed me. His nametag said, Ralph.

“U-uh, hi.”

I feel so embarrassed.

I can’t believe I’m here.

I shouldn’t be here.

He’ll think I’m a freak if I ask.

“My name is Ralph, and this is my arcade. I do not believe I have seen you around before. Is there anything I can help you with?”

The old man with thick gray hair leaned down toward me, resting his hands on his creaking knees, as he talked.

I know that I’m shorter than most boys my age but seeing him lean into my level made me feel even more self-conscious.

“I uh-um, I’m interested in the G-Gaea units you have.”

I said it!

I can’t believe I said it!

I’m sure my face is beet red, but Ralph gave no notice. He simply smiled and waved his hand for me to follow as he said, “Alright then. Come follow me and I’ll show you where it is.”

And so, I followed Ralph as he shuffled his way toward the back. I tried looking around to not feel as nervous as I was, and I was completely in awe. Ralph’s Game Arcade was massive. From the outside, it looked like a quaint shop you’d tell your friends about when passing on the street, but not something that entices you to go inside. But inside, it held everything.

I guess Ralph caught me staring since he started telling me about his place with a hint of pride in his voice.

“You know, I started this here arcade as a store back in the 20s. I was a bit of a packrat when it came to games from my youth. I collected all the consoles and made sure that every case and rulebook was neatly stored away in the best conditions I could provide. Eventually, I had so much stuff that I thought opening a store would be great.”

We passed by an assortment of vintage arcade games as he spoke. Pinball, Galactica, Street Fighter, I never saw such large totems in real life.

“Unfortunately, the business was not meant to be. I closed the shop after a year and decided to reinvent myself. That’s where this idea came from. I remembered from my youth of this arcade I used to go to that had nothing but pinball machines. Kids from all over town would flock to there after school and use up our allowances. We had so much fun. So, I thought why not do something similar? And so I rented up this building, moved all the games that I had been hor-…ahem, collecting, and displayed them. It was an instant hit. We’ve got games and consoles and all sorts of related material here from every generation.”

“Wow.”

Embarrassingly, that was all I could think to say.

“Ah, here we are.”

Ralph stopped at the back of the store where a door was. The sign on it said Gaea Unit Area – Please Read the Rules Carefully.

“Now, do you already have an account?”

I wasn’t quite sure what he meant, but I shook my head.

“Right. Well, here you will rent out Gaea units by the hour. If you already had an account, you would just sign up at the touch screen on the door and request how long you’d like to stay. When you are inside Gaea a notification will pop up when you have twenty minutes left of time. Since you do not have an account and will have to make one, I would suggest two hours for today.”

“Okay.”

“You should also know that you will still have to pay the monthly fee of Gaea even though you are using the unit here. Is that alright?”

I nodded.

“Do you have a card or your information on you?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Ralph nodded his head as if he were mentally checking off an item on a list. “When you are ready hold your card up to the door. It will be scanned, and you can start on your Gaea experience. If you have any questions do not be afraid to give me a holler.”

Ralph extended his hand to me and I took it. His grip was firm, and I most assuredly gave him the noodle arm handshake, much to my ever-increasing embarrassment.

“Thank you so much.”

And with that, Ralph nodded once more and made his way toward his counter upfront.

Nervously, I take a breath and tap my credit card against the door’s screen. In seconds the screen shifts to a “Thank You!” and shows me which rooms are available. I select one and then set the time for two hours.

The door opens.

I take one more deep breath, calming my nerves, and take my first step into a new world.