In fact, Sang Yu was thinking too much. Just as he had missed Ru Shen in the hours when he was lying awake in camp, listening for any sounds outside, Ru Shen had missed him as well when he tried to rest in his chambers but couldn’t find peace of mind with that warm body next to his missing.
Now that they were finally together, the previous solitude and fear bubbled up again, making Ru Shen desperate to make sure that his husband had indeed returned unharmed. He reached for Sang Yu’s face, his fingers tracing the familiar lines, his eyes full of his most beloved person.
The two of them reached the bed and Sang Yu pushed Ru Shen down, hovering above him. His lips parted but, in the end, he didn’t say anything. He shook his head and then leaned down, his lips meeting Ru Shen’s while his fingers started to untie the knot holding his belt in place.
"Sang Yu." Ru Shen closed his eyes and gave himself to his lover’s touch. The familiar sensation brought tears to his eyes and he couldn’t help but reach up, encircle his neck and cling to him, letting the tears fall silently. "Sang Yu …"
Sang Yu stopped in the motion. He sighed and then held him gently, burying his face in his hair. "I’m sorry."
"I was afraid I’d lose you."
"You won’t lose me. Don’t you trust in your husband’s might at all?" He chuckled and then kissed Ru Shen’s neck. His lips lingered and he trailed the crook of his neck, peeling the robe off his shoulders while he was at it, finally laying his torso bare.
He leaned away, gazing at the familiar body in front of him and then raising his gaze to Ru Shen’s eyes. "You will never lose me." He leaned back down, pulling the robe out below Ru Shen’s body and throwing it aside. His fingers brushed the pale skin, his breath quickening.
He wanted to reach for his own belt but a pair of slender fingers was faster and soon, the fabric fell onto the bed, sliding down when Sang Yu eagerly brushed the robe off his shoulders and threw it away as well.
With nothing but their pants separating them, their skin heated up and their gazes were ignited, the flames of lust burning them from inside.
Sang Yu took a deep breath, trying not to lose his mind. He had waited so long. Back at the camp, he had fantasized about this. He had imagined how Ru Shen’s pale skin would look like satin in the dimmed glow of the torches that fell in from outside the tent, how his eyes would sparkle like the night sky lit with a million stars, how his body would writhe in pleasure below him, that sweet voice beckoning him, begging him for more.
Now, with just one step separating him from making these fantasies come true, he could hardly hold back. But he did not want this to be over too soon. He wanted to take his time, to take his husband slowly, to make love to him the whole day and night to reassure him that he had truly returned and that he would stay, spending each day with him like this.
Ru Shen gazed at the man kneeling above him with anticipation coloring his eyes. He gulped and finally turned his body slightly, moving into a sitting position. "My Lord …" He leaned forward, his lips touching Sang Yu’s chest. He kissed him and his fingers started to caress his husband’s back.
Sang Yu gave a low murmur and then reached down, pulling down his pants before he turned to take off Ru Shen’s as well. He pushed him back down even though he enjoyed the gentle treatment. Unfortunately, it was not enough anymore. As much as he wanted to take his time, he could not do so. He needed more.
He once again took possession of Ru Shen’s lips, sating the hunger they had both felt in the previous months. His hands roamed over that slender body, leaving a hot trail on the skin.
Ru Shen took a ragged breath and reached up, his hands brushing Sang Yu’s shoulders, feeling the small elevations of the scars he had gained in this past war and the ones before.
"Ah Shen." Sang Yu sighed his name, his hand massaging Ru Shen’s leg to relax him.
His husband took in a surprised breath when the rough skin touched his. It had been too long. "Sang Yu …"
Sang Yu didn’t reply. He gave a grunt and impatiently grabbed Ru Shen’s manhood. He rubbed and caressed while his lips returned to suck on Ru Shen’s, filling their bedchamber with ambiguous sounds.
Ru Shen pushed his heels into the mattress, his fingers grabbing harder onto his husband’s shoulders. He squirmed under his touch, a moan escaping his lips between two kisses. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath but it got stuck in his throat, letting him only choke out a sob of ecstasy. Sang Yu smiled in return, his lips leaving Ru Shen’s and instead turning to his ear, biting the sensitive earlobe and making him shudder. He spread his husband’s legs further apart, his other hand rubbing the soft skin while he continued to fondle his manhood.
Ru Shen quivered more strongly, his eyes turning misty in the fire’s glow. "Sang Yu." He took another ragged breath, moving his body to let Sang Yu touch him more easily.
Sang Yu turned to suck at his neck, leaving wet traces all over his skin while the rubbing of his hands turned more urgent. He could hardly hold back his own excitement but after years of living together, he knew that Ru Shen would be more at ease when he pleasured him before taking him.
Ru Shen’s breathing quickened further until he finally came with a drawn-out moan. His chest heaved up and down and he clung to Sang Yu’s shoulders to try and find back his bearing. Before he could make sense of anything that happened, Sang Yu reached between his legs, his fingers caressing the hidden entrance.
"Ah, Sang Yu, not yet. The —"
"Sh. I know." Sang Yu kissed his throat and then took the small jar of oil that still stood at the head of the bed from before he had left for the campaign. He poured some of it onto his hand, rubbing his palms together to warm it before he smeared it onto Ru Shen’s entrance. "Relax." He only whispered the word but his breath hit Ru Shen’s skin that was still wet from the previous kisses, making him shudder.
Sang Yu laughed when he saw him like this. Even though he hadn’t been able to release yet, he already felt more grounded than before. He had returned. Ru Shen was still there. Things were just like before. Regardless of what happened, they would always return to being like this.
Ru Shen moaned at his touch and unwittingly reached for Sang Yu’s arms, his fingers brushing over his skin, unsure whether he should pull him closer and urge him to be more daring or push him away to escape this sweet torture.
Sang Yu glanced up at his face and his gaze darkened with lust when he saw his expression tinged with pleasure. He grabbed Ru Shen’s hands and pushed them above his head, keeping his legs apart with his knees. He fiercely kissed him on the mouth and sped up his efforts to prepare his entrance for him to enter.
Ru Shen closed his eyes. He felt that he needed to calm himself or he would not be able to last long enough for his husband to enjoy himself. Unfortunately, that was a pipe dream. With his eyes closed, the sensation seemed only stronger. Each time Sang Yu’s fingers entered him and rubbed his insides, pleasure welled up inside him. He twisted to dispel the unbearable feelings but Sang Yu pushed him back.
"Don’t. You’re making me go crazy. Open your eyes, Ru Shen. Let me look at you."
Sang Yu’s voice was hoarse and alluring, making Ru Shen comply without a second thought. He opened his eyes and their gazes met, the lust in both of them spiking.
"How do you feel?" Sang Yu’s manhood throbbed and he gritted his teeth in a last attempt to control himself. He could hardly hold back but he did not want to hurt his husband either.
Ru Shen looked up, worry and understanding mixed in his gaze. After several months of separation, he also wasn’t sure if he would be able to take Sang Yu just yet but he could see that his husband had already reached his limit. "Do it." Anyway, after the initial pain was gone, the pleasure would drown out everything else.
Sang Yu nodded and retracted his fingers, taking a last look at his husband’s face. Ru Shen’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes misty from the pleasure, his lips still parted to accommodate his heightened need of air. He seemed … sufficiently aroused. It should be alright to enter him.
Sang Yu took a deep breath to make sure he would not charge ahead thoughtlessly and hurt him by accident. He pushed the tip of his manhood against Ru Shen’s entrance, keeping his gaze trained on his face to watch out for any changes. Slowly, he pushed into him.
The skin stretched taut, hugging his manhood tightly as if to hold it in place. Sang Yu took another deep breath and pushed further. The oil made it easier to enter but maybe his estimate of how much he should take had suffered from the lessened practice these past months. It did not go quite as smoothly as usual.
Sang Yu gasped, unwilling to pull back but also unwilling to go forward. The slightly rough feeling was arousing for him but might become unbearable for his husband when he thrust in completely and took him. "Ru Shen …"
"Go ahead. Just do it." Ru Shen wanted to reach up and touch him but Sang Yu was still holding his hands above his head. He wriggled to free them but he only managed to make Sang Yu shift slightly inside his body.
The last thread of reason broke and Sang Yu finally couldn’t hold back anymore.
He let go of his husband’s hands, grabbed him around the hips, and thrust his manhood deeper into Ru Shen’s body, widening him further while bringing both pain and pleasure.
They both gasped. Their gazes met and Sang Yu pushed the rest of the way inside with one powerful thrust. Ru Shen made a choked sound but soon, pleasure took over when Sang Yu started to rhythmically thrust in and out. Ru Shen’s eyes fell close once again, pleasure undulated inside him and his shallow breaths turned into moans that were soon smothered by Sang Yu’s fiery kisses until he was completely breathless.
Sang Yu picked up speed, conquering the body below him until he released with a cry. He shook and gasped, each breath bringing the scent of Ru Shen’s body and their sweat with it, almost making him hard again.
Sang Yu held back forcibly. He collapsed onto his husband’s body, holding him in his embrace, kissing his heated skin to turn the passion into gentle care. Only when their breaths returned to normal did he pull him onto his side, giving a small smile.
Ru Shen opened his eyes and the two of them gazed at each other without saying a word, basking in the afterglow of their first encounter after Sang Yu’s return.
Sang Yu eventually pulled his manhood out of Ru Shen’s body. It still hadn’t gone completely soft and he was sure that it would harden again at the slightest cause. Right now, he didn’t want to continue though. He wanted to enjoy this moment. This kind of intimacy was even better than having sex.
He leaned forward and kissed the top of Ru Shen’s head, sighing contentedly. "It’s been too long since the last time."
"Was it though? You still seemed quite apt at it."
Sang Yu laughed. "What? You thought your husband would lose his ability to pleasure you? No, rather than that … maybe it’s my imagination but you seemed more sensitive than before."
Ru Shen lowered his gaze, not sure what he should say. He also felt that he might have reacted more strongly than usual. Well, they hadn’t seen each other for long and he had missed Sang Yu’s touch. Wasn’t it normal that he was more easily excitable at this moment?
He raised his head again and smiled. What reason was there to pretend otherwise? "Isn’t that just proof of how much I missed you? Having to live without you for so many months, naturally, the fondness will have grown."
Sang Yu laughed. "Oh? That almost makes me want to go on another campaign. Who knows just how fond of me you’d have become afterward?"
Ru Shen reached out and placed his hand against Sang Yu’s chest, his fingers lightly caressing the scars on his lover’s skin. "There’s no need for that. I love you. I have for a long time and nothing will change about that."
Sang Yu covered that slender hand with his calloused one and looked into his husband’s eyes. "You’re my most important person." He leaned forward and kissed his forehead, satisfaction filling his heart.
This was what he had wished for: Returning from war, embracing his husband with passion and then spending some quiet hours together, just gazing into each other’s eyes, joking with each other and getting comfortable again while they returned to their everyday lives. And from now on, their days would be similar, just that the shadow of that war would become a distant memory with time.
Ru Shen didn’t say anything in response though. He just looked at his husband, waiting for him to continue. Unfortunately, Sang Yu didn’t. Ru Shen retracted his hand and sighed, leaving a feeling of emptiness behind. "I guess even after you came back from war, you can’t bring yourself to say 'me too' even a single time, hm?"
Sang Yu froze. His lips moved but he had no words to say. He licked his lower lip and then reached out, wanting to cup Ru Shen’s cheek and pacify him as usual but Ru Shen evaded his touch and sat up.
"Sang Yu … No, my Lord, I don’t expect anything from you. I already told you as much when we got married. If you need to go to war, then I will have your back. If it’s necessary to have a few women to sire children, then I will carry that decision with you and treat them just as I treat you. Even if you told me one day that my position as your adviser has to be revoked, I would be understanding. But all that is only under the assumption that you love me. Which … I am starting to realize, you may not."
Ru Shen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to hold back his tears. His whole life was bound to this man so why could he not reciprocate his feelings?
Sang Yu closed his eyes as well, his chest hurting. He sat up and moved closer, reaching out again. This time, Ru Shen didn’t evade him. Sang Yu grabbed him around the waist and pulled him up against his chest. "Ru Shen." He closed his eyes again and leaned his head against his husband’s. "I … I can explain."
"Then you should do so, my Lord. Even though I swore that I would stand by you whatever happened, that was my oath as your loyal follower. Despite everything, I still have my honor. I refuse to … continue with this if … if you truly do not feel for me. So please, be honest with me. Otherwise …" He shook his head, unable to continue any longer. He refused to be just a plaything, especially if it was in plain sight of everyone. That humiliation he couldn’t bear.