Dear People, 

This is sort of an odd thing to start with because of how open-ended it is. I'm not really sure how to put this. People questioning their identities? People unsure if they fit the mould society is trying to push them into? People struggling with who they are?

Anyways, I'm sure you have some vague understanding of what I'm trying to get at now.

I recently came out to my family as nonbinary and I'm having a bit of trouble with interpreting the resulting situation. My family say they're supportive, but refuse to use my proper pronouns on the basis that they love me no matter what my pronouns are or how I identify. Which to me, seems like a lack of effort on their part. If they made any kind of attempt I would be very appreciative, but to them it doesn't seem like an issue I guess. Even though I told them that to me it is.

I'm sure that one day someone will read this in the context of their own situation. Maybe this will convince them not to come out to the people they care about. That's not what I'm trying to get across at all. Coming out just isn't the end of it I guess. Maybe it's the start. But the start of what?

I guess there's this idea that you come out once and that's it. Which just isn't the case. One person can come out as any number of identities in their search for a label that fits. And coming out is different every time, for every person. And if you don't want to come out or don't feel safe, you don't have to. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

I'm not sure if my family will ever use my proper pronouns. I'm not sure if they'll ever look at me and see a person and only a person. But I'm going to keep reminding them. If they are always reminded, they won't be able to shrug it off as 'just a phase'. And, with repetition, using they/them pronouns should become easier.

But my family's approval isn't everything. I want to take this opportunity to thank my friends who have always accepted me wholeheartedly. I know you guys don't actually read this, so maybe you'll just get that shiver of 'someone's talking about me'.

Thanks, people who are questioning, for making it ok to not fit the mould (and sorry Americans, in Australia we use mould not mold).

Much love,

Phoenix

P.S. You are who you are, it's not always convenient for others. Remember that you are valid and loved and have a great day :)