Aside: The Final Attempt

This was the setup. Leo’s movement was significantly easier to track now that he was away from the security of campus buildings. He was left alone often. As things go, Mr. Cox found now to be the best opportunity to end it all. 

Mr. Cox’s life spiraled out of control since his encounter. The appearance he had adopted to blend in was now just his normal appearance. His eyes dilated in a red haziness caused from a lack of sleep. Newly found insomnia keeps him tired and shaking. In his own opinion, he was unfit for any of his work. Lionel’s curse, that’s probably what this is...a curse, had done him a number, yet this was why he was feverishly, recklessly, on Lionel’s trail. The only way to end this, is to end him. 

Mr. Cox had reached a point where the money did not matter. His wellness mattered. His life mattered. He was living a good life before that phone call, that phone call. I should have trusted my instincts he decided was worth it. 

So he watched. He learned. He was there when he ran out of the first year guidance office. He was crying and his face was covered. That was not the right time. The police were already there.

The day Lionel moved away from his dorm to live with Richter, (he discovered the other boy’s name in these weeks), he was watching, hoping he would stay there. And he did. Mr. Cox thought this would be an inevitable victory for him, and his life would be back in his grasp. The greatest part is that the whole of the university was after Lionel’s father instead of him. Mr. Cox still saw himself as a professional. He was a desperate professional, but his desperation failed to deter his cunning. 

He knew when the time had come. For the past few weeks since Lionel moved in with Richter, he carried his gun. At this point, he stopped caring about whether he could be caught or not. He chose his most reliable handgun, a VP9. He had it hidden under his coat on his belt. The strap was sturdy, but easy to remove. He wanted none of Lionel’s ability hurting the chances he mess up this kill. 

For Mr. Cox, today was a lucky day. Well, not so much luck, as good timing and Lionel eating a small breakfast. Today, Richter had most of his classes, at least, Mr. Cox presumed. He was gone from breakfast sometime at 8:30a.m. to just before dinner at 4:30p.m. Lionel would be alone in an apartment and his friend would not be back for hours at a time.

Mr. Cox was let into the apartment building by an unwary student who was in a rush. He knew roughly which unit was Leo and Richter’s as he’d seen them through the windows. His mental map did not fail him: the door had Richter’s name etched onto a nameplate. Written in faded pencil in the corner was Lionel’s name. Picking the lock was a simple affair. He hoped Lionel wouldn’t hear him on the other side, but then again, it would not matter. A defenseless boy would falter to a pistol aimed at his head. He pressed down on the handle and opened the door. To Mr. Cox’s surprise, an IP9 identical to his own, greeted him..

“Hello, Mr. Cox.” It was that skinny, pale boy, Richter. He was smiling, but held the pistol steady. The safety was off. Mr. Cox had already lost. 

“I’ve been watching for you ever since the cafeteria. Do you remember me?”

“From then, of course.”

“No, you idiot, from way back. Have a seat. Relax.” Richter lowered his gun, but Mr. Cox felt outmatched. 

“I don’t know what you’re…” Pills. The medicine cabinet was open. This boy had so many different kinds he could run a pharmacy. And there was that silver steel case. He’d seen that identical case to his before. It inspired him to buy the same pistol. “It’s been a few years. So this is where you ended up. I don’t know if I’m glad or terrified.” Mr. Cox began tearing up, but quickly remembered that this boy had a gun pointed at him. 

“You know, if you hadn’t convinced me to live, I would never have met Lionel. Or maybe, I was just weaker back then.”

“I don’t take jobs on kids. Especially when it’s for themselves. I see I made the right choice.”

“You still think so?” 

He didn’t need to ponder. “Yes.”

“Then why are you here for Lionel?!” Richter’s tone betrayed his anger.

“Because he’s….” There was no way to argue with this kid. He could see it in his eyes. He loved Lionel. Anything Mr. Cox was experiencing was a mere fraction of what Richter experienced. But that meant “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

He didn’t answer. 

“I never helped you, did I?

No answer.

“Boy, answer me, I-”

“Shut-up. Leave us alone.”

As he thought. No reasoning with this one. Mr. Cox sighed and resigned himself to the boy’s demand. He stood up without direction. 

“Where are you going? I didn’t give you permission to leave yet.”

“I’m leaving you alone. This shit isn’t worth it.” That’s what his gut had been telling him for months. Drop Lionel from your mind you dunce. This one will get you killed. He’d already put himself into a position where a gun was pointed at him. 

“Boy, do I need to tell you the same thing I said all those years ago?”

“Remind me.”

“The world handles more pain than you do, son. Hurting yourself ain’t gonna fix it.” He stopped at the door. His thoughts of Lionel and taking the money were gone. This ghost of a boy was the only thing on his mind. It was his relief. “You’re going to hurt him a lot more than I would have.”

What Friends Do

In the far reaches of his mind, Leo did not notice anything wrong. When he arrived home, Richter was laying on the couch staring at the ceiling.

“Where have you been?” 

“Library. I thought you had class.”

“I did… Hey.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

Lionel sighed. “Okay. I got food.”

It was a Thursday. Richter always drinks on Thursdays. Richter wanted to cuddle more than usual that night. Lionel accepted it with a guilty pleasure. They sat together, listening to music, closing their eyes as they listened to the beat and felt the rhythm of each other’s hearts. Richter tapped his fingers to Lionel’s pulse. Leo, despite his life, despite his father and the absence of his mother, felt content. It was not enough for a smile, but it was enough to relax. He was safe. At the least, Richter loved him. He’d discovered that he needed affection. Friendship failed him. Obsessions failed him, but the feeling of affection he felt from being held in his arms trumped Nadir. At last, his father felt distant.

Richter lowered the volume of his speakers. “Did I ever tell you about my condition?”

“No.” A pang went through his chest. He liked affection, yet didn’t feel the need to give it. 

“It’s why I shake a lot. For my whole life, my body has been in pain. It’s constant. It’s why I need so many pills.”

“Oh.” Leo realized they were opposites. Leo caused everyone else pain and suffering. Richter’s body forced himself to constantly suffer. “Is that why I don’t affect you?”

Richter was quiet for a while. He sat up, pushing Leo off, and then got another drink. “Let’s get to bed.”

“Okay. I’ll shower.

After Leo got out, he’d realized he was in the bathroom for nearly an hour. He usually took long showers, and drying his hair took awhile, and he dressed in the bathroom, but something felt wrong about it today. Richter was sitting on the bed with his eyes glazed over.

“Hey, doll.” Yup, definitely more drunk. 

“How much did you have while I was in there?”

“Enough.”

“Whatever, you know the rules. I’ll kick you off this time if you try.”

“I know, I know. Come on.” He held out his arms. Leo flicked off the lights and fell into him. Alcohol was on Richter’s breath, but he was soft and warm. Leo did not want to let go. 

“Leo,” Richter said softly next to Leo. “Leo, it’s ok.” He hadn’t noticed he was crying into Richter’s chest. “I don’t know what it is, but it’s ok. It’ll be ok in the end. He stroked Leo’s hair.

It was then that Leo noticed: Richter’s hands weren’t shaking at all. 

“Ricky, is it better tonight?”

“You know, it really is... I think meeting you did it.”

“How?”

“It’s like I could finally replace my pain with something else. I think now I replaced it completely with you. My mind’s been more clear, more focused. I know what I want to do and can finally do it. That’s because of you.”

“Thank you, Leo. I love you.” Leo should have been more careful. Those were the last words Richter said before they both went to sleep. Richter’s arms held Leo close. At 4 a.m., Leo woke up with a cold chill. Usually he was warmer than this.What was it? Hmm? That was odd. Something was missing in this scene, but what was it? 

Silence. That seemed wrong. It was wrong. Richter wasn’t breathing and he had no heartbeat. So silence made sense in its own little way. But that meant Everything. Was. Wrong. It smelled badly. Richter never smelled bad. Suddenly, Leo felt the urge to barf and leave, but Richter was stiff. I have to break out of him. Something audibly snapped as he rolled out of bed onto the hard floor. Disoriented, he fumbled his first attempt to dial an ambulance, and he stumbled into the kitchen. The medicine cabinet door was unlocked. An empty bottle was on the cabinet. He opened the cabinet. 

Perhaps it was for the better that at this moment his sense of the world collapsed. When the police arrived at the scene, Leo was shaking by Richter’s corpse muttering the word, Nadir, over and over again.