I have a theory. When we fall asleep, we actually die. The consciousness that existed in the day just… disappears. Gone.

When we awaken, a new consciousness is born, and the memories in our brain inform it who we are as well as what to do from now on.

I speak of reincarnation of the mind in the same body, night after night - and in the same way that people want to leave their material problems in their previous body - they wish that the regrets, shame and trauma would stay in the past life.

But it is not that easy. Some memories are impossible to leave behind, because they are the first thing we learn when we wake up, they are the basis of who we are. They make us.

For some reason, when I woke up this morning, I sensed that a memory was missing. That something important inside of me did not fit.

My first thought every day was to plan new ways to desecrate my soul, and to block out my magical thinking, but today I was empty and void, more than normal.

For several minutes I stayed there, laying on my bed, staring lethargically into the space above me.

It had barely dawned yet, the darkness and the cold of the night had not completely left my room. Even so, I found myself sweating for no reason, as if I had run a marathon. That made no sense, my sheets were not thick, nor did I feel feverish.

Tired of just being here and doing nothing, I tried to get up but my will was lacking, not easily overcoming the pain in my body. Every muscle and nerve burned like fried computer circuits and crackled with discomfort.

"What the…."

I knew this pain. I had experienced it before, the day after finishing my magical training, back when I was expending all my power and energy to help me reach beyond the limits of my power . However, this time I did not remember having done any magic...

Was that the memory I was missing?

It was not possible. This level of fatigue was extremely dangerous, the energy for magic is the same as life. Some call it Chi, Ki, Mana, Spirit, Animal Magnetism, it doesn't matter. Those names symbolise the same thing, the unending  flow of transformation within all things in the universe.

I managed to eventually get up with some difficulty, doing my best to ease the pain in my body. It was still too early to go to class yet.

I had slept only in my white briefs, I took them off and covered my waist with a white towel. Taking my things, I went to the communal bathroom on that floor of the faculty dorms.

I wanted to take a bath as quickly as possible, something to hopefully remove my lethargy, and the feel of the hot water with any luck would ease the pain in my muscles.

It was normal for the bathroom to be full at this time with first-term students who had all their classes at the worst time, very early in the morning.

I went straight into the communal showers without saying hello, or talking to anyone. I undressed and let the sound of the water drown the conversations around me. Even though I was surrounded by so many people, the world seemed empty to me, or perhaps it was me who was empty inside.

After that, I looked over myself in the mirror above the sink; there were no signs of abuse or bruising, my body still hurt and even brushing my teeth was exhausting.

It was then that I saw my eyes, and they were not the eyes that I remembered, something deep inside my pupil changed.

A glow that I thought was extinct returned, an unnatural glow, indigo like my aura.

"I did magic..." I muttered in amazement.

There was the proof.

I had violated my only taboo, the principle that ruled my life, and I couldn't remember when or why, but I did know who was responsible for my forgetfulness.

I let the memories take me away, to a moment in my life where I thought the sparkle in my eyes was gone forever.