There was a story my mother used to tell me when I was young. She would pick me up in her warm arms and whisper words of wonder in her sweet voice. According to her, every day, the Goddess Saraswati would sit on our tongues. And in that instant, she would make our wish come true.

For my younger self, it was magical. How could one Goddess bless everyone every day? Wouldn’t she grow tired? And how would she fit inside my mouth? My mother would tirelessly answer my incessant questions, perhaps regretting telling me a new bedtime story.

It was only later I realized it wasn’t a blessing. It was a warning. A curse. The Goddess could make my wishes come true, but she could also turn my fears into reality. The words filled with darkness. The stray thoughts that touched the edge of the madness. And the wishes that wanted to end everything once and for all...

Perhaps it was just my mother’s way of teaching me. Think only good thoughts. Speak only kind words. And wish only joyous things.

Otherwise, the consequences would be disastrous.

Something rattled me awake. I opened my eyes, expecting to see the ceiling of my house, but street lights flashed by in quick succession above me. I frowned. My forehead throbbed with a dull ache and I touched the wound. Dry, sticky blood coated my fingers. The seat rattled again, and I gripped the front seat to stabilize myself. Car. I was in a car. I looked outside the window again. The car sped past the trees and the streetlamps on the highway. Panic shot through me and I sat up.

In the driver’s seat, my stepfather controlled the steering wheel. He took a swig of alcohol from a bottle and zigzagged on the road at a frightening speed. I fisted my hands and tried to take deep breaths. Don’t break down. Not right now. My mother was passed out on the passenger seat. Gingerly, I reached out to touch her. Her skin was still warm to my touch. I stifled my sob and closed my eyes. She was okay. We could get through this. I just needed a plan.

Police. Yes, I could call the police. But… but where were we? Except for darkness and wilderness, there was nothing I could see outside. Too far away from the city. How long had we been traveling? Where was he taking us? And what did he plan to do?

“Aren’t you awfully silent today, Tamara?” The low, gruff voice startled me. I ducked my head and tried to control my shaking. Did he notice I was awake? I peeled an eye open and yelped. My stepfather was staring right at me. He chuckled. “Still feisty, huh?”

He turned back to the road, and I eased my breathing. There was no point in hiding anymore. “Where are we going?”

“Didn’t you want to run away?” He laughed, finished his drink, and threw the bottle out of the window. Slowly, he turned back to me and smiled. “I’m helping you guys. So you can run far, far away from me.”

The cryptic words twisted my insides. He wasn’t sober. He wasn’t in his right mind. A thousand horrible possibilities ran through my mind. I had to do something. Now! I caught the glint of car taillights in front of us and rolled down my window. Before fear could drown my courage, I waved my arms and shouted, “Help! Help! He’s kidnapping us!”

“You fucker!” He gripped the collar of my school uniform. With a powerful move, he pulled me away from the window. I winced as my head bumped against the seat, but pushed him off. He lost control of the car and it swerved dangerously close to the trees. “Do you want to die?”

I grasped the windowsill and shouted again, “Help—” Before we could reach the other car, he made a sharp U-turn. My body slammed into the door and pain assaulted my senses.

A punch landed on my abdomen. “Dimwit! Idiot!”

“Stop!” I tried to kick away his hand.

The car swiveled left and right as we struggled to fight each other off. My mother didn’t wake up through any of this. I didn’t know if she was even alive anymore. Perhaps that was for the best. At least, she wouldn’t see this. My stepfather twisted my arm. “Should have never let your dirty blood enter my house! Fucking pathetic! Do you want all of us to die?”

“Yes!” Tears ran down my cheeks. “I want you to die! Rot in hell! So just kill me! End all of this!” I caved in to the darkness inside me. There was no redemption from this. He had broken me. He had broken us. And it would be impossible to piece us back together. I slumped in the backseat. Numb to his continuous attacks and curses. What was the point of living anymore?

I closed my eyes. Only if I could drift away from this world. Yes, that’s what I want. I want everything to disappear. I want everything to end.

A strange tingling pricked my senses. I didn’t know when my stepfather had grown silent. Goosebumps rose over my arms and the soft hair on the nape of my neck rose. Something was wrong. Eerily wrong. I snapped my head towards my stepfather. He was looking straight ahead, his grip on the steering wheel stable, and his breathing inaudible. I couldn’t see his face. But there was something weird about the skin on his arms. I inched closer to observe it and touched him.

Cold. His skin was ice cold. I looked up at my stepfather. He stared at me with bloodshot eyes. I yelped and moved back, but I couldn’t look away. A dark tongue darted out of his mouth and licked his teeth.

Slowly, blood trickled out of his eyes and onto his cheeks.

I remained frozen. He wriggled his body and extended his hand out to me. The nails were sharper, darker, and his thick fingers exuded extreme strength. I scrambled away, but he cackled. In a strange inhuman voice, he said, “Let me fulfill your wish, Tamara.”

Horror descended upon me. “No! Ma! Help me!”

His hand headed towards my neck. There was nowhere to escape. The car continued to drive down the highway, and the cold air whipped my hair over my face. His fingers tightened around my throat. The pressure on my windpipe increased, and I desperately gasped for air. My fingers dug into his skin, tried to preen his fingers off my neck, but it was useless. The grip of my hands weakened and the tempo of my heartbeat slowed. My body grew lighter and life slipped away from my body.

So this was how the end felt.

I curved my lips up. My wish. The Goddess had fulfilled my wish. She had been listening to me. It shouldn’t have been so easy. Yet, the years of torment, months of pain, weeks of bruises, and days of hunger...it was all ending.

My vision blurred. I stopped breathing. In those last few moments, I saw something strange. My mother woke up and our eyes met. She gave me a small smile and reached for the steering wheel. The car jerked in a different direction. His grip on my neck loosened. I gasped as I tried to take in a breath.

She...she saved me!

Before I could rejoice, there was a loud sound. A blast. Hard metal hit my left arm. Pain seared my senses and heat engulfed me. And then there was only darkness.

.

.

.

“Ma,” I whispered. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked around the cramped hall. Doctors, nurses, patients—there was a blur of people around me—but I spotted her instantly. My mother stood on my left, looking down at me. A strange buzzing sound blocked my ears. I tried to move, but my limbs failed me. Bedridden, I tried to call out to her, “Ma?”

The lines on her face softened. She smiled and said something. I saw her lips move but heard nothing. What? What did she say? I shook my head, desperate to talk to her, to hold her hand, to hug her, but she backed away.

“Ma!” I struggled to sit up. My voice ran hoarse as I screamed, “Wait! Please! Ma! Someone stop her!”

My mother turned away. People moved past her, ignoring her bloodied clothes. And my cries. I looked around for help. No one paid attention to me. A team of doctors and nurses hurried from one bed to another, shouting and barking orders. My eyes followed them to the bed on my right. A strange foreboding feeling settled in my stomach.

I didn’t dare look at the body, but I knew I had to. The doctor removed the defibrillator from the body’s chest and sighed. He looked at the watch and spoke some words. A nurse nodded and raised the white cloth over the body. He stepped away, and I finally saw the face.

It was my mother. Cold. Bruised. And dead.