I take a deep breath. Reading the words Neighbour Boy instills that nauseous feeling back within me. I press call.

Holding my phone barely close enough to hear the rings, I bite down on my lip trying to channel all my fear back down deep.

“Hey,” Isaac greets me with his soft voice. I’d like to say that one sound calms me, but it doesn’t. Not this time.

“Hey,” My voice comes out shaky. Just from one word he probably knows how nervous I am. I can’t sit still, fidgeting on the bench that suddenly feels so hard. I twist sideways, bringing my legs up to sit crossed, focusing my view on the city park below me. The openness brings a tiny feeling of freedom. “I uh, need to tell you something.”

He stays quiet, probably hears me swallow, and I continue. “Y- You know how we wanted to stay anonymous to each other? And even as years passed, we never shared anything.. Um, identifying?” I follow a flock of sparrows as they chase each other from tree to tree. “Well, I- I guess I…” 

I’m trying so hard to think but only words come to mind. Loose words when I need sentences. “Sorry, I’m a little distracted- There’s a park below me and th- the birds, um..” What the hell am I talking about? I said I can’t back down. I can’t be a coward, I need to do this. For him.

I take another breath, readying myself to spill everything. Even if it all comes out in a rushed wave of nonsense–if I get it out somehow we can go from there. Then-

“I saw the articles.” Isaac breaks the harsh silence. I can’t read his voice, I’m not sure what he’s feeling. Is he as scared as me? No, he’s even worse, he’s the one who got exposed online! Stop thinking about yourself.

“You did?” Is all I can force out. Tears start to form in my eyes.

“Yeah. Who would’ve thought I’d be talking to a celebrity?” His tone remains soft, though a hint of his playful side entwines itself in.

It makes me feel warm and I forget all my fears for a brief moment. He doesn’t sound mad. “That’s your reaction?” My mouth stays open.

“Wasn’t my initial one but yes. This is crazy, how the hell did you manage to keep this big of a secret from me?” He sounds like he’s smiling. How can anyone smile in a situation like this? 

Unless he doesn’t know. 

“Have you seen the recent article? They shared your name, your Facebook, they even know where you lived.” The panic rises within me again, bubbling over like boiled water reaching for an escape.

“I saw them all. Lucky for me I haven't used Facebook since about the same time I made the account. I’m not a very social media-ry person.”

“That doesn’t matter, this is still serious! They found your family and everything! Shit like this can be dangerous. You don’t know what type of creepy assholes could be interested! What if you get hurt or-”

“Jem calm down. Take deep breaths,” I hear a hint of panic to his voice too now, though I’m not sure it’s for the right reasons.

I do as he says, taking some time to relax. Wiping my cheeks and trying to steady out my now shaking hands. I close my eyes and focus on breathing, letting the air calm me once again.

“I’m okay, I promise. A little scared but they don’t know nearly as much as they claim to about me.” I keep my eyes closed as I listen, “You even said it yourself, they know where I lived. They barely know about my life from years ago and so much has changed since then.”

“But, this could be so bad. This could-”

“Then you’ll have to help me get through it. I don’t know anything about your fancy world so I’ll have to rely on you to help me. I trust you.”

I stay silent for a long minute, processing his words. He somehow reminds me of Fahim, and the idea they’d both find this situation “cool” almost makes me laugh. 

I nod, though he can’t see me, “Okay. I will. I’ll do everything I can.”

I can hear the smile in his words, “thank you.”

My eyes open to look back out at the peaceful park, trees swaying in the soft breeze, birds gliding and families feeding ducks in the pond. Everything will be okay. Harder, but okay.

“You are 100% not what I expected you to look like, by the way.” Isaac’s voice brings me back to him.

“Wait, have you listened to my songs?” 

“Well, one of my flatmates plays your music pretty often. How I never put your voice to it I’ll never know. Though I guess your singing voice is a little higher.” 

His flatmate listens to me? Isaac was that close to stumbling across the truth this whole time. The realisation is dizzying.

“What was the first song you heard?” I ask, the nerves suddenly building back up.

“Feline.”

“Ah, of course.”

“You don’t sound too happy about that,”

“No, I’m not. Everyone thinks it’s a love song. Do you know who it’s about? My cat.” I turn back on the bench, stretching my legs out in front of me.

Isaac laughs, the sound is even more calming. “You mean your turtle?”

“Yes my Turtle!” I huff with a pout. I listen to his laugh some more, something that used to be very rare the first year we started calling. I’m so glad he relaxed around me. “Would you want to call again later? To talk. I mean, instead of articles and secondhand stories. Maybe we could share things directly? So we know the truth.”

We’ve called possibly a hundred times now, yet I’m still so nervous. I wait with my lip pinned between my teeth once again–I’m really gonna need lip balm after today. Yet somehow Isaac releases all my fears with his smooth, happy voice. “I’m up for that.”