Don't you think it's selfish to always ask for anything, but never give back to anyone? Well, thinking about those people I've forgiven, and the ones I will, with the time, a question popped up. Did I ever ask to be forgiven? 

Really, did I said, even once, that I want to be forgiven? I don't think I have. All I did all of this time was pointing out at people who wronged me, without even thinking I could have done the same for somebody. 

I've always been a sensible human being, both physically and mentally. My body was always weak, and I could be upset about most people think it's a trifle. I was so busy protecting myself, that I didn't realize that I could hurt people, even without wanting it. 

My mother is a very righteous woman, and she raised me telling that I should never wish someone bad, not only because that could go against me, but because she knew that people had different obstacles in life, and wishing someone bad could add to them and make their life harder. I don't think I hated someone for the bottom of my heart. I can't do that. But maybe, in my ways, I hurt someone unintentionally. 

So this chapter isn't about forgiving someone, but rather asking to be forgiven. I'm sorry mom, for all the hardships you've been through because of me. I'm sorry dad, for being cold all the time. I'm sorry brother, for abandoning you when you abandoned other things for me. I'm sorry to close friends, for sometimes being upset for no reason, for not telling what I've been through, and for loving all of you differently, I'm gonna love you the same. Like unconditionally. I'm sorry grandma, for leaving you like this. Hope I can do more to light up your days. I'm sorry to all my relatives, for being hateful of them. Hope we can get along without any purpose that could be hiding. I'm sorry to all the people I met this year, and for not being able to bring myself to catch up with you. I'm still not confident enough. I'm sorry even to my dogs, for sometimes, I forgot to feed them and give them water. I'm sorry to my ancestors, for judging their decisions. But that doesn't excuse some things. I'm sorry to my guardian angel up here, for not spending enough time with him when I had the chance. 

I'm sorry to anyone I ever hurt in the least bit because as a sensitive person, I know that small details could hurt as much as big ones. I bow my head into an apology and ask for forgiveness. I'm trying to get rid of any sign of hate in my body. I need that forgiveness, so I can forgive myself. So I can love myself. 

This seems abnormal for a prideful person like me, but I know to admit that I was wrong. I don't want any more hate. No more fights. No more broken friendships and failed relationships. I want to continue to see the good in things and people, to live happy to the full extent, and die with ease at heart. That I lead a colorful life. But returning to my determined self, I ask for their forgiveness. But do not stand in my way. Don't stand in my way of searching for happiness. 

I know that this is hard, but are you willing to do the same as me? To ask for forgiveness? To bow your head and to accept any blame that's coming in your way? Try thinking about it for some days. Not what you could have done wrong, but rather to whom you did. Ask for forgiveness. Be clear. Be pure. Forgive them and make them forgive you. See the good in people, even if there is little. Just like a flower, get rid of withered petals and keep the ones alive. Be beautiful.

As a final bow, I ask forgiveness from myself. For always pushing myself to the edge. For feeling too much at once. Or not at all. For belittling myself. For thinking I wasn't good enough. For isolating myself. For closing my heart. For asking too much from myself. For thinking I was helpless. For thinking I was alone. For having bad thoughts. For not cherishing life. For being depressed. And for being the way I am today. 

Get rid of negative thoughts and get excited about life. You attract into your life things as you think about them.