The Parting of Lot and Abraham. c. 432-40.

The situation was really turning out very West Side Story on the set of Camptown Middle School’s rendition of Romeo and Juliet, no thanks to Mr. Thayne, the school’s English teacher, and Mr. Grant, the music teacher. Both were part of an acting troupe that wanted so badly to perform history’s great dramas yet had to resort to holding zany improv nights. Both had wanted to direct the play. Principal Hamlin, eager to return to her sodoku, suggested that the two work on it together.

It was not a great solution. Grant’s vision involved setting the play in an ‘80s nightclub during the last days of disco. Juliet, played by church-going eighth grader Hailey Marker, would perish via overdose on a crowded dance floor while glitter rained from the sky.

Conversely, Thayne wanted no sets and no costumes (the students were to wear paper bags) and preferred a stripped-down version of the play to focus on the stark beauty of the play.

The teachers spent most rehearsals arguing, unable to strike a happy medium, and boring the adolescent actors.

“Hey.” The kid playing Tybalt nudged Hailey Marker and nodded toward the door. “Me and some of the Montagues are going to the creek. Owen has beer. You wanna come?”

Hailey fingered the crucifix hanging from her neck and glanced at the warring directors, who were now shrieking and flinging props hither and thither. Owen—her Romeo—fidgeted impatiently by the door, shaking his bowl cut out of his eyes. Why not? Hailey thought. Tossing rocks in the creek while tossing back a few could be fun. Not that she’d ever had a drink before, but if anything could drive anyone to alcoholism, it was this damn play.

The Capulet cousins sneaked out the door undetected, leaving not-so-fair Verona behind.