TW: Homophobia

So the nap inevitably turned into Matthew sleeping until the next morning. The 7am sun harshly penetrated the gaps in his curtain and forced him to awake with a groan. He didn’t mean to sleep this long and especially didn’t mean to sleep in regular clothes without showering before bed.

Ugh. Why did I sleep so long? He winced as he lifted his aching body off the bed. Now I really need to look at my psych book but I’ll get nowhere in this depressing hole. Mat grimaced as his groggy eyes swept the room to confirm its inevitable confinement.

He didn’t mind existing. Perhaps that’s an odd thing to say but for Matthew it was an accomplishment. Living had been extremely difficult to near impossible in the past decade. Even though he had found some solace in the last few years, being in an enclosed room with nothing but silence and aloneness created an uneasy sensation for Mat. It was okay sometimes but he needed the white noise and needed the distant social banter he vicariously lived through in others around him.

Before his thoughts could dive in a deeper, much darker place, he leaped out of bed and showered. After cleaning himself up and putting on fresh clothes, he was ready to take his textbook and head back to the library. Next to the book was that note. His eyes caught it before heading out the bedroom door. 

The dread of yesterday resurfaced. Pity and sympathy rose to his expression and he somberly stepped out of his apartment and towards the campus. 

I wish I hadn’t read that letter. I’ll always think about it even if I don’t personally want any involvement with the guy. I can still feel for him. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you need to drag yourself out of the pit because you can’t rely on anyone else besides yourself. 

Mat’s grip around his backpack strap tightened as he zoomed across the street. He had a car but the campus wasn’t that far off and he enjoyed the stroll. But also, who actually likes the struggle of trying to park and paying outrageous semester fees to park?? Absolutely no one.

The walk took no longer than 10 minutes to reach the edge of campus. It was a Saturday so the areas were vacant more than average during the week. There was the occasional skater or a small group of friends laughing collectively. Other than that, it was peaceful but not lonely. The air was like inhaling the purest of scentless fragrance. It was refreshing and just what Matthew needed to feel a bit more at ease. 

A small smile creased his face as he continued his venture to the library. He pondered on reading his textbook outside but he knew he’d get a bit chilled if the wind picked up anymore. He opted for the safer option and headed inside. Unlike yonder days, the place wasn’t hoarded with people and it was easier to pass the front desk and into the back of the library. 

Mat sideways glanced at the desk and recognized the one male student and briefly noticed a new face. He came to the conclusion that it must be the mystery person who called out. He didn’t bother to pay any more mind to them, he quickly walked to the window seat in the corner of the library. 

A sigh escaped his lips as he plopped down. He allowed the morning sun to kiss his skin and cheeks. He basked in the glorious warmth, feeling already a million times better here than his apartment. His eyes were clenched shut reminiscing in the moment of peace. When he eventually peeled them open again he noticed a figure not far off from him. 

Matthew’s eyes darted towards the shadow and vaguely recalled him. 

His long brown hair touched his shoulders and he had almost black eyes for irises. He was tanned and almost glowed in the sunlight. His features were nervous and his well-built body slugged in hesitation. Despite his uneasiness, he was quite good looking. He recognized the mystery man as one of the library clerks from yesterday. The guy still didn’t have a name tag on. 

The tanned male cleared his throat and gave Mat a smile, revealing his perfectly white and straight teeth. “You’re the guy from yesterday, right?” He questioned uneasily. 

This is amusing but also irritating. Why must he disturb my peace? 

He only nodded in response. He sat straight up and wrapped his arms in front of him on the table, never breaking eye contact. 

He chuckled nervously, “Mary is kind of a bitch and I wanted to apologize on her behalf. She was just upset that Ywain called off his shift yesterday.” He fiddled his fingers. 

Mat cocked his head to the side in curiosity. So, is Ywain the guy they were--or more so Mary, was shit-talking? 

“And you are?” Mat felt his deep voice vibrate his chest as he spoke.

The mystery man flushed at the question, which puzzled Matthew. “I-I’m George but you can call me Georgy.” George tucked a stray hair behind his ear with a shaky hand. 

Matthew chuckled in amusement, eyeing him down like he was on a showcase. “Well Georgy, it’s quite alright. I’m too old to care what some snobby teenager or 20-something year old treats me.” He softly smiled. He knew it in his heart that it didn’t matter because nothing would ever hurt as much as his mom telling him he was a disgusting freak. 

George’s eyes flicked to Matthews and it screamed with hesitation; despite that though, he made the bold decision to take a seat across from Mat. The older male’s eyebrows raised in question. 

“That’s shitty,” he stated plainly. The brunette was fidgeting his fingers on the table, wavering his sights on Mat. “Mary should apologize to you, but she’s too much of a pussy. You seem like a nice guy anyways.” His eyes averted towards the window. 

Is he trying to flirt with me? Matthew found himself laughing at the thought. I can’t remember the last time someone came onto me. He’s cute too, but I can’t date anyone right now. He cleared his throat to gain the attention of the other male. 

“I’m Matthew, but call me Mat.” He laid his cheek into his fist, looking at Georgy. He noticed a tiny scar above his eyebrow and a little mole under his right eye. 

“Aren’t you upset Mat? That Mary mistreated you like a bitch dog?” He vulgarly asked with a bit more aggression. 

Matthew only smiled. “I appreciate you getting upset for me, but seriously kid, I don’t care.” 

“Kid? I’m 22, definitely not a kid.” He pouted his thin lips. “But how can you not get upset?” 

This guy is amusing. 

“I’m 29, almost 30. I’m just a tad older than you mate,” he removed his face from his hand and looked straight at him. “I’ve experienced worse things. So really, no need to play hero.”

Shock encased his features and he parted his lips with nothing coming out. 

“You’re 29? You look great for being that age!” He slipped out after a moment of silence. His cheeks heated up with embarrassment. “I mean, w-wow you’re basically a geezer. No need for someone like me to stand up for the elderly, huh?” He averted his gaze again to the window. 

Another laugh bubbled out of Matthew. “Thank you. You’re not so bad looking yourself, ya know, for being a Zoomer.” 

George’s gaze slowly returned to meet Mat’s. He glanced down at the table with a toothy grin. He’s definitely flattered by my compliment. Matthew couldn’t help but to continue his smile at the male across from him. 

“You’re cute and funny Georgy, but I’m not really interested. No hard feelings though.” Matthew thought he felt the proper energy in the room, but it went from a calming bath to a raging tsunami. 

George’s pupils became so large that they almost swallowed up his irises. He slammed his hands on the table and angrily glared at Mat. He stood up with the darkest expression he’d seen on the boy. “I ain’t no fag. I have a beautiful girlfriend.” The brunette’s jaw was clenched. 

Matthew didn’t read the mood incorrectly, there was no way. His brown eyes widened at the change in atmosphere. He hadn’t expected this reaction at all and froze in place. 

“Are you a faggot? I take back my apology then. You’re disgusting.” His eyes were ignited with pure hatred. 

Mat sighed, suddenly recalling the letter in the textbook. He for a split second thought maybe this guy wrote it. It made sense. He worked with the books and had the same vulgar language as the note. He also had a girlfriend and based off his posh clothing, he was rich. Mat’s shock and hostility quickly melted into pity. 

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Watch your mouth George, you never know what someone’s going through. We fear what we don’t understand but in time you’ll see there’s nothing more riveting than being free.” He solemnly smiled at him. 

The verbiage wasn’t what George was expecting because his anger washed away into pure anxiety. It was just like when you peel off a bandaid prematurely, you worry it will be exposed and get infected. In reality, it needs oxygen to fully heal. Sometimes being ripped away into your more vulnerable form allows growth. Just like a plant, you need sunshine and fresh air in order to sprout. 

He said nothing and just quietly walked away from Mat.