Mittens freezes up into a polite, distant attitude for the rest of the visit.

I’m a little worried about Stephanie and Tim and especially the kids, but I enjoy watching Mittens struggle. His pretence isn’t so unshakable and steady when he has to face my actual family, huh?

Everyone sits down for a meal in the dining room I used to use for storage, and I slip under the table to listen in.

“So Josh, any stories from when you and Stephanie were kids?” asks Tim, making a bad effort to calm the mood.

Mittens is silent for a second too long. If I had a human body I would have laughed.

“Josh do you… not remember anything?” asks Stephanie, unwittingly giving him a way out.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” says Mittens primly.

“Oh. That’s… okay.” she says.

The air is so thick that even the kids eat, or pretend to eat, in silence.

After that Stephanie and Tim say their awkward goodbyes.

“If you ever want to… talk about anything, you can call me.” Stephanie says.

Mittens just looks awkward.

I give Stephanie one last long meow, and she pats me on the head.

“You’re a really nice cat, Mittens.” she says in a tone that says she’ll never see me again.

I try to follow her out the door, but Mittens grabs me with his usual quick instincts. He doesn’t even make a joke or laugh as Stephanie backs out the door, eyeing me and clearly wondering if I’m being abused.

“Byebye Mittens,” says Kyle, and Emily repeats him.

They don’t say goodbye to the real Mittens.

I’m actually glad when they’re gone. That was just awkward for everyone involved.

“Never again.” swears Mittens, and I assume he’ll be opting out of any future family gatherings or visits.