Ice could never freeze fire because it would melt under the hot flame. And so, the stone, cold block desired to liquefy into what held the power to vanquish that notorious flame forever, but that require patience.

“I do not play by the rules,” I told Julian assertively, snatching the uniform from his grasp in a matter of seconds, leaving his hand suspended in mid-air. He clenched his jaw in what I took to be defeat before balling his calloused fist at his side. “Good day, Mr Zeppetelli.”

The probability of our relationship working is ½ anyways – I solve it sometime back, so what is the point of trying with a man, who first of all is my lecturer and second of all is much older than me – not that I care.

He held out the door for me, most likely thinking about all the impossibilities, too as he mumbled several words in the lines of: “That night was a mistake.”

A mistake we both enjoyed and dreaded the end of. Without a word, I left him standing in the doorway; slightly looked over my shoulder and watched as his shadow disappeared.

I trod to the park, settled down on the trimmed grass that tickled my toes as I threw off the unkind shoes that made my feet bark, then set my box braids free from the pink scrunchie before I slid my headphones on and took out my diary.

“Caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets…” I sang in my head by Ariana Grande, syncing the latest headlines of my life with the verse as serotonin coursed through my veins and my hand worked to express the words my soul cried out.

The paper revealed more than just ink: it spilled my emotions, painted them in eloquent black scripts against the white pages encased together by hardcovers and secured with a chain. I drifted off; admiring the patterns created on my brown skin as sunlight filtered through the leaves of the oak tree. Though, I only realized that I had fallen asleep when a continuous hooter and loud engine awoke me from my slumber, despite the headphones. I sat up, squinting sideways at the familiar white truck.

“Never sleep under a tree without checking for snakes, Sisi.” My older sister Sasha reemphasized the words mom spoke often. Her eyebrows contorted in worry as she lowered her windows to witness how I wiped the dirt off my butt and lazily picked my belongings. “Load your bicycle in the back and hop in.”

Once we were on the road, driving to my workplace, I could not help but be sad and frustrated over something that was beyond my control; it’s not like I have the power to convince him to quit his job, switch classes or return to his country for my sake.

“I met that man again…”

Once those word were out in the open, I regretted it so much so that all I wanted to do was jump out of the car and onto the crafted pavement besides the road due to the mockery embedded in the comment she made after laughing in my face to the extent that tears escaped her eyes as she swerved left. “You mean the stranger to whom you stupidly lost your virginity?”

There was a burning sensation in my chest as suffocation forced its way up my throat. Pride and anger prevented me from attaining the shared air trapped inside the car before I clutched my backpack to keep my hands from hurting the innocent window out of impulse.

“Stop the car,” I gritted, wrapping my fingers around the door handle, ready to let air into the car. She rolled her brown eyes in boredom as she accelerated the vehicle once we were on the traffic free street. I run out of oxygen, my patience evaporating, too before I opened the door; still strapped into my seatbelt.

The car began to decelerate before we came to a halt, a few blocks away from the café. I inhaled deeply then stared at Sasha who flared in anger; her 4C, coiled hair as twisted and puffed up as her face. “What was that all about! were you trying to get yourself killed?”

“No, I had my seatbelt on, see—” I freed myself from it, hopping out before retrieving my bicycle from the back “—Do not pick me up tomorrow or the day after that; I am not riding with you.”

I slammed the door shut, straddling the bicycle before I pedalled and she followed at the same pace, about to enforce the knowledge which she apparently gained from being seven years older than me.

“This is real life, Sisi: not fast and the furious. One day you are either going to get badly injured or sick with an STD from a one nightstand. Worst case scenario: you end up in hell for fornication!”  

Sasha hurts people with what comes out of her mouth and is hated in turn, for being brutally honesty by me, too at times, but how can I not when her words hold so much gravity? “I want to assume that hell is not a real place, but then explaining where devils like you came from would be like wondering how God came to be… pointless.”

I could almost hear her mind condemning me as I exercised my feet so hard on the pedals that I arrived at work in time to slowly change into my uniform and piece my scattered self-back into a whole, not forgetting to put on the happy façade I showed everyone. If only someone could see me…

…

My work shift ended at 5.30PM with two fallen acrylic nails on either hand; proof that I attempted to scrub the tenacious stains on the round tables with their help. As I retreated into the back rooms, pulling the apron string, Ivy finally called me to her office.

“I want to work the morning shift.” I cut to the chase as this was the only way to get away from the morning session of math class taught by him and, I would much rather survive through a boring afternoon lecture with some old professor than be in the distractive presence of Julian.

“Can you handle reporting as early as 5AM?” Ivy questioned. I do not even have a car ride to work anymore and to top it all off, the rain season is just around the corner. So, my bicycle will not be the best option in a couple of weeks – which leaves me with the other options, which are a hard pill to swallow: reconcile with Sasha, drive my own car without causing an accident or continue working the afternoon shift and endure math class with Julian.

“Yes, I can.” Deciding that everything would fall into place like they always do in one way or the other.

“Keeping in mind that these streets can be particularly dangerous for women, and the café will not be held accountable if something happens to you,” She warned, sliding a document which I quickly read through and signed without second doubting myself.

After she wrote an authorization letter for me, signed it and sealed it with a stamp, which was my gateway out of morning math classes. “See you at 5AM tomorrow and do not be late.”

As I cycled home, the sky was a soft shade of purple complimented by wisps of faint clouds and a setting sun as golden as the beautiful city of El dorado. Smoke intoxicated the air as I pedalled around avocado corner; a place known for its spontaneous clubs and tasty barbecues, reminding me of my deal with Sheila.

The asphalt of the club parking lot mimicked the dark shadows of the gangsters who smoked like their lives depended on it, puffing out the coloured mist in one breath like an exhaust pipe. Enrique the tattooed man, who helped Katrina and I obtain fake ID cards was among them, salivating over me like a hungry dog as I chained my bicycle to the wall.

“Sisi,” He called as he discarded of the cigarette behind the bush near his matte black car before advancing towards me. “Haven’t seen you in these ends for quite some time.”

He looked like desert; dressed down in a plain white tee that opposed the colourful tattoos that swirled all across his ivory skin and faded black denim jeans, which revealed a pack of cigarettes; enacting my plan will be a piece of cake.

“That’s because I’ve been a good girl, but tonight, I want to be bad for you,” I told him, whispering the last three words into his ear before we headed into the club; his arm wrapped around my waist.