I scrolled through my playlist looking for a song to quiet the voices in my head for a bit. Hopefully before I went insane this time. My finger hovered slightly over one of my favorite sounds. A song that calmed me, that emptied my head of thoughts.
“Psh” Scoffed a soft, trilling voice, “Look at youuu. Just playing the same stupid music over and over and over again hoping for some kind of an escape from your past. You know that’s the definition of insanity, right?” I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“You’re not real.” I whispered underneath my breath.
“I’m not real. I’m NOT real. I’M NOT REAL.” My little sister laughed her soft tweeting laugh. The one she used to make when I joked around with her to lift her spirits after picking her up from school. “I'm not real, because you killed me, silly. You killed me and you’re currently killing mom. Maybe go after yourself next time, yeah? It would save everybody a whole lot of trouble if you asked me.” I breathed in slowly and looked up at her face. Her dreadful smile glitched into the bloody mess it had been when her body was found. Her eyes grey and dead.
I pressed play to the music and laid back in an attempt to sleep. Everytime I came close to drifting off, something not real would grab at me or a voice would wander through my mind saying something terrible. Luckily, I had heard it all before.
I turned onto my side and saw my little sister staring at me from across the room. Behind her, the window showed the first signs of morning light. I pushed myself up and sat with my face in my hands for a moment. My music still going in my ears. It helped me breath.
“You should die today.” Stated my little sister. I sighed and cracked my neck.
I thumbed through my phone and clicked on the name Selene, calling my older sister.
Ringggg. Ringgg- “Hello?”
“Hey sis...” I rub the back of my neck.
“Rey.. Is something wrong?”
“Nahhh,” I laughed a bit to myself, “I just need a real voice to listen to for a little bit.”
“Of course, you know I always got your back bro.”
“Haha thanks. I appreciate it.” I rubbed my eyes and rolled to the left to sit on the side of my bed. I looked at the window where morning light began. My little sister, Lynn, was gone. At least I still got to see her.
"So, how's life going? Know what you're going to do after graduation yet?" Selene asked me.
"Honestly?" I said as I ran a hand through my hair and stood to shuffle out of my room, "I have no idea yet."
"Reyyy, you're going to be a full fledged adult in less than a week."
"And I'll be graduating in less than a year. Yeah, I know, sis. I'm working on it. I'm just a little preoccupied right now." I stepped over a sleeping man in the hallway outside my room and made my way to the kitchen. Coffee was a need for survival at this point.
"...Then, you should move here." Selene sounded hesitant. She had been trying to convince me to move in with her for the past year. We both knew that once I was eighteen, things would get worse for me if I stayed where I was.
"But mom would..." I trailed off.
"Mom's going to be like she always is. I'm sorry, but all she cares about is her next fix. Or her next abusive boyfriend. Come spend your last year with me." She let a little bit of hope creep into her voice. Selene was the only person that had ever truly cared for me.
"I'll think about it." I said, "I promise, I will."
"That is all I could ask for." I almost couldn't bear the smile in her voice. As much as it pained me, I couldn't leave. I couldn't let mom become like Lynn. I couldn't handle seeing another face at night.
I poured myself a coffee and listened to my sister tell me about what she had on her to do list for the day. By the time she was finished talking about her day, her week, her month, and her new girlfriend, I was drinking the last of my second cup. We hung up and I poured a third. I walked back down the hall, stepping over the unconscious man, and opened my mom's bedroom door.
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