Read Of Roses And Jade(The Emperor finds his empress)-BL :: My uncontrollable desires(Meilin's POV)

* Meilin's POV*

"What have I done?" the words tumbled out of my mouth. My mind was rattled by all the messed-up things I had committed over the past few hours.

The world felt so foggy and bollixed up. Even the evening wind was howling at me as if it knew how my solitary agony felt like.

I closed my eyes and thought, 'get a hold of yourself Meilin,' but it didn't do much. All I could think about was him leaving me which was too painful to watch. It all felt like something inside of me was breaking apart piece by piece filling me up with torment. If I needed to pull myself together, this wasn't the place for it to happen. I had to get out of here in order to reflect on myself.

So, I teleported myself to the spring manor because that was the only place I could think about right now. The only place where I could envisage my feelings. Thankfully, teleportation doesn't take much time at all which allowed me to reach there in no time.

As soon as I reached the manor, the breeze of peach blossoms and peonies struck me, making my heart leap all of a sudden. The wind sang in my hair and the evening light painted the entire landscape in a beautiful orange glow. Trees were painted in shades of pink and purple as clusters of flowers filled every nook and corner of their branches. This was the usual classical scene of the spring manor. Even in winter, colorful perennials, snowdrops, and Asterian roses would fill up the entire area. It would enrapture one's insight at first glance.

As I walked up to the gate with the supernal view still blinding my eyes, the dazed aftermath of the wine started to drain away. I almost jumped up when the colossal golden gate opened itself to welcome my arrival. And on either side of the entranceway stood Fen Wu and Qing Xiao. Both of them were dressed in golden armor with their long hair twisted into a single neat braid. They looked so handsome and refined just like the graceful swords which were tied around their belt.

They bowed at me instantly and announced, "my lord you're back," in unison with their usual gleam of respect.

"Yeah, I'm back. I wasn't gone for long anyway," I said weakly.

"My lord, is something wrong?" Fen Wu asked with a lot of concern.

"Is something wrong? A lot is wrong Fen Wu. A man whose mind gets toiled by toxic elements tends to act in many peculiar ways. But when he comes to his senses, he may be too late."

"My lord, are you speaking in poems again or..." I glared bitterly, compelling him to shut his mouth.

"Ah! I need to go to my chamber. I'm not in a good mood right now and I need some time for myself," I said as I walked past them and headed up the stone staircase towards my room. [The first floor of the mansion was none other than my royal chamber. It was one of the few places where I truly felt like myself. . . and it was the only place where I could vent out my current resentment]

As I opened the exquisitely crafted door of my room, I realized that everything was exactly as I left it and the feeling of familiarity hit me.

I sat on my canopy bed with a groan as the foolish actions I committed started to replay over and over in my mind. Annoyance burst up through me. So I took hold of the glazed vase which stood on my bedside table and smashed it onto the wall. It shattered into smithereens. As a result of my impetuous behavior, tiny glass particles were scattered all over the floor. My heart was just like these scattered pieces of glass. Pain and longing flooded my heart. Why did I let him go? I shouldn't have done that.

"Your majesty!" Fen Wu and Qing Xiao burst into my room and looked at the messed-up scene with looks of horror on their faces.

"My liege, what really happened today?" Fen Wu inquired.

To that, I explained myself. I didn't want to stay as if nothing happened or as if nothing was bothering me.

"Fen Wu, I believe something was put into the wine that sect leader Xiaolin gifted me. My intoxication has already started to subside but that doesn't really matter. What matters is, I think I've finally found him."

"Your majesty, I believe that the wine could have been drugged with some aphrodisiac ingredients which thereby led you to see the person your heart deeply desired. You see, it makes you see what you desire the most so that you get immersed in your most desirable dream," Qing Xiao tried to keep his voice as calm as possible while he finished his explanation.

"I don't think that's the problem right now Xiao. And I don't think that his majesty saw an illusion. I believe that he really did see somebody for real. Your majesty, if I'm right-you found him, didn't you? The boy." As Fen Wu ended up asking me that question, the words 'The boy' echoed in my mind sorely.

"Don't ask me any more questions Fen Wu," I replied hoarsely.

While giving him a cold-eyed stare, I got off the bed and slowly paced towards the opened window with my long hanfu flowing around me.

My eyes were locked on the Sun. The entire mansion was submerged in a luscious shade of pink. And the roseate Sun looked like a peach blossom floating on the starry sea of clouds.

"He looked so much like my Yutao that I forgot myself completely. I let the wine's intoxication control me and lead me on to whatever desire was rooted in my heart. I knew all along that it wasn't Yutao but something about him made me so weak and insane. I saw through him instantly and I saw his entire life flash across my eyes. His childhood, his family, his desires.

I believe that he is 'the boy' Fen Wu. So you have my answer. He is the boy I encountered two years ago when I was on a sojourn in the red phoenix district. But the most foolish thing I did was, I let him go. He must have been scared from the way I behaved but I have to settle this matter with him."

"Memories wander back and forth, yet the pain is only in my soul. My only wish is to live without regrets and fly far away with the flowers' fragrance.

Since the world is big, we were forced apart. In the end, I lost you and myself.

Will fate unite us again? Have I really found you again in this lifetime? Bai Ziyi, I'm sorry but I have to capture you because the answers to my questions are in your hands."

Silver's notes=

Hi everyone! Yeey! Back with another chapter! So now you guys understand why Meilin acted in that manner right? Yeah, being drunk and finally finding his secret target, he went out of control. Buckle up! cas the next chapters are gonna be filled with a lot of drama and comedy. Hope you love the song I added to this chapter. It's an ost from "Word Of Honor" which is currently my favorite series ever! I'm so addicted to it.

Hit a like and subscribe! It means a lot to me and you'll make my day so happy. :)

And also, I made up a fun question for you guys. Let me know your answers in the comment section.

What will Meilin do next? (a) Run after Ziyi (b) Order his guards to capture him (c) Deliver a weird invitation (d) Share your thoughts