“Hey Laurie, do you know where the nearest drugstore is?” I asked, spotting her on the porch.
“Just two miles that way. Need a lift?”
“No thanks, I’m good.”
I excused myself and started the car. It took three times to actually get the engine running. Stupid thing.
All this place is is fields and dirt. I only spotted three houses before I made it to the store. It was way too quiet even for shady characters. There was a biker gang but they were all old men. Not very intimidating at all. I pushed in the door, the sound of the bell as I did so somehow pissing me off even more. The place was almost completely empty.
“Can I get a pack of Newports and a case of Guinness?” I asked the bored woman behind the counter.
“Our Heineken is on sale.”
“Fine, whatever’s cheapest.”
“Twenty five twenty seven is your total.”
I handed the woman the cash and picked up the case after sliding the pack into my back pocket. I lingered a bit around the store, looking at the plants and cheap trinkets. I don’t want to go back there. What if I just keep driving? No, I can’t do that. All my stuff is still in the room. Whatever. I made a promise anyway, not that I’m known for keeping them or anything.
“Hey kid?” Huh? I looked around for the voice’s owner. It wasn’t until I felt something cold pressed against the small of my back that I froze.
“What do you want?” I asked the shelf in front of me, not turning out of a sense of shock and fear.
“Heard anything about a missing necklace? I see you got an Ohio license plate. Just so happens something was stolen near the state border.” The cops? No. This isn’t the police. So then who? And how do they know? Were we being tailed this whole time?
“Sorry, sir. Don’t know of any necklace. I’m here working with a family friend at her brewery. I used to live in Greenville.”
“Hm, family friend huh?” The metal was pressed deeper into my back. “You lying to me, boy?”
“No sir, you can stop by if you’d like. It’s the Dusty Shack’s Craft Brewery and Distillery.” How the hell did I remember that? Holy shit, thank you memory.
“Don’t play smart with me, kid. Got eyes on you.” Oh god. Oh god. Quinn what did you just get us into? Oh my god.
And then the pressure on my back was gone. I whipped my head around to try to catch whoever just threatened me but there was no one. I swallowed my nerves and speed walked to my car, jamming the key into the ignition and driving way over the speed limit to get back to the brewery. I kept glancing in the rearview, expecting someone to tail me. However, I was the only person on the road.
I tried to mask the terror on my face with my everyday dead-inside look. It worked on Laurie as I pushed open the door and walked up the stairs to my room. I had a feeling Quinn would see right through it, though. Good thing he’s still in the barn. I’ll tell him, but not right now. I need a second. And a cigarette.
“You almost smoke as much as I do,” Laurie chuckled.
“If you’re here to preach to me, you can save your breath. I’ll probably die of popcorn lungs.”
“I’m no hypocrite. Can I bum one?”
I handed Laurie a cig and my lighter. The smoke calmed my mind just a bit. I watched Quinn in the distance as he swept the steps of the barn, taking breaks to reposition the decor. I was only admiring the job he was doing, not the way his shirt lifted to expose bare skin when he bent down or the way his muscles flexed when he lifted something heavy, or the way he swept his hair back when it got in his face.
“A fine looking specimen, eh?” Laurie teased. I scowled at her, pissed off at my own flustered attempt of denying it.
“No way. He’s a pain in the ass.”
“But a hot one.”
“He’s short and annoying and most definitely straight.” And a criminal.
“And hot.”
“Leave me alone, Laurie.” I sighed, hugging my knees. I expected her to tease me some more. Instead, she patted my head.
“I’m not telling you to forget Toby. But we only have one life. I know he wouldn’t want you to live the rest of it alone.”
“I’m not alone,” I defended. Laurie gave me a knowing raised brow. Of course I’m alone. Who am I kidding? Even this stranger can see that. I sighed.
“I’m not ready.” I admitted.
“It’s ok to not be ready for a romantic relationship. But it’s important to surround yourself with friends and people you can rely on. And who knows? Maybe after you open your heart just a little, you’ll find someone you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with.” I found him already. That’s the whole point. But now he’s gone.
“Anyways, it’s none of my business but your coworker is mighty fine. And if I were in your shoes, I’d hella tap that, relationship or no relationship.”
“Laurie,” I warned with a look. She snickered. “He’s not into dudes, much less dudes like me.”
“How are you so sure?”
“How are you not?”
“Well, contrary to what you might’ve been told, the default isn’t always straight.”
“It is in Ohio.”
She shrugged and I tapped off the ash from my cigarette.
“But you’re not in Ohio anymore, Chris.”
“That logic makes no sense.”
“You know what actually doesn’t make sense?” She asked. I raised my eyebrow in question. “The fact that there are already cars lining up and we’re not even open yet. Goddamn. These people should know the drill by now.” Laurie angrily snubbed her cig on the porch and got to her feet. I smiled, taking another minute or so after she left to try to clear my mind before joining her. Still, I scanned the line that began forming for a shady character. It doesn’t help that I don’t even know what the man looks like. Geez, who’d have thought I would be in this situation right now? Honestly maybe Toby.
I huffed and got to my feet, flinging the snub into the ashtray by the step. The barn was looking a lot nicer than before. Now that people were starting to crowd, it definitely looked livelier. There was even someone stringing up a guitar on the small elevated platform by the entrance. Laurie and Quinn were working on selling beer already.
“Nice of you to join,” Quinn smirked.
“I know,” I shrugged. I tossed on an apron and followed Laurie’s directions to fill up empty bottles with her craft beer.
“This place looks better than ever! Who are these handsome young men?” A woman around Laurie’s age asked, hugging the arm of a very handsome older man. Laurie lit up.
“Narci! Jeremiah!”
“These your new boy toys?” Jerimiah asked with a chuckle.
“Hell no,” Laurie laughed, stealing the words right out of my mouth.
“This is Chris and that’s Quinn. They’re my helpers for the next two weeks.”
“Nice to meet you,” Quinn said, shaking his outstretched hand. I did the same.
“Where did you pick these two up? No fair,” Narci pouted. It was very obvious she was kidding, however, when she pecked Jerimiah’s cheek with a grin. I was only a little jealous.
“My cousin.”
“Oh, Toby? How is he?” My stomach flipped and I turned away, leaving the group before Laurie could answer. I walked outside, sitting on a tree stump as I watched the line grow. Laurie’s craft beer must be ridiculously good for this kind of line. Either that or it’s the only brewery in town, or a fifty mile radius at that. I’ll go with the latter.
“Laurie finally took my advice and got some helpers, eh?” A leathery old voice asked. I turned to meet the kind eyes of an older gentleman.
“Only for a few weeks. Can I help you, sir?”
“Oh no, that’s quite alright. I normally just come here for the company. Not a very avid alcohol drinker. Mind if I sit?”
I shook my head and scooted over, giving him enough room to sit down. Something about his demeanor made me feel tranquil. I think most old people I’ve met are just easier to hang out with than others my age. Less social cues and norms and quirks.
“Are you married?” I asked, spotting his wedding band.
“I was, for fifty six years. Can you believe that?”
“Wow. I’m sorry for assuming-”
“It’s quite alright,” the man said, waving away my worries. “My love passed away some years ago.” There were so many things I could have said, should have said, to honor that loss. Instead I asked, “How?”
“Breast cancer.”
“Sorry, I meant how did you get over it?”
“Get over it?” The older man looked confused at my question.
“I- I lost someone close to me a few months ago. How do you look so happy?”
“Ah I see.” The man smiled kindly and pinched his chin. “Well I miss my love so much, but I know that I’ll see her again, in some way or another. And she’s no longer in any worldly pain. Knowing that makes it easier, I suppose. For now, I try to enjoy what’s left of my time. You never know how much longer you have left.”
I nodded, understanding that sentiment. I know Toby’s not in pain anymore. But I’m a selfish prick. I guess what I really meant to ask is how do you live without them?
“You’ll figure it out, son.”
“Hm?”
“How to be happy. You’ll figure it out.”
“Oh. Thank you, sir.”
“Once you come to terms with the fact that nothing lasts forever, I think you start to enjoy life a little more.”
“How, though? I get it, all things die. But how do you accept that?”
“Patience. And time. And l-”
“Love?”
“Yes. And love.”
I sighed. But how do you do that? How do I love? How do I love without him?
“You never “get over it”. You get through it. Grief is a process. But, like all processes, it too shall end.”
“Thanks for the proverb,” I chuckled. The man smiled.
“You remind me a bit of myself when I was younger.”
“How so?”
“You know, I was a cool kid. Don’t doubt it.”
“I’m so far from being a 'cool kid',” I laughed, shaking my head.
“Laughter.”
“What?”
“You’re right, love is important. But I was actually going to say laughter.”
“Laughter?” I repeated. He nodded.
“You’re not living if you’re just moping around all the time. You live when you laugh. You live when you enjoy living. And, because I know you’re going to ask how, let me just say that you will enjoy living again only if you allow yourself to. Find something that makes you happy. And let yourself experience it. Everything won’t seem so hard if you’re happy.”
“Oh.”
“Can you think of anything right now that you’re happy about?”
“Um,” I frowned, thinking about this trip and what’s become of my life. “I’m no longer in a place where I’ve always felt stuck in, you know? I’m no longer breathing the same air as the people who fucked me over. I’m doing something I never had the guts to in the past.” I thought back to what Quinn had told me last night, “I’m running away.”
“Is that what you’re doing all the way out here? I saw the Ohio license plate,” The man joked. I smiled.
“I think… I think I am proud of myself for leaving, even if only for a few months. I’ve never left that place before, not like this. Out here, anything can happen.”
“Even rediscovery,” the gentleman agreed. I nodded. Even rediscovery. Huh. I think this is the closest I’ve gotten to hoping for something in a long time.
“Everything else, you’ll figure out eventually. Don’t worry so much.” The man’s smile made his eyes crinkle.
“You seem so sure of that.”
“Well you either will or you’ll die trying.” He shrugged. I chuckled.
“That’s true.” With shaky limbs, the man got back to his feet. He rested his body weight on his cane as he looked back toward me.
“See you around, kid. Thanks for helping Laurie out.”
“Uhm yeah, no problem,” I waved as he walked away.
How odd, I thought as his shadow disappeared back into the barn. Makes me wonder if angels really do exist. Nope, too sober for these kinds of thoughts.
I did a once over on the remaining line entering the brewery. No suspicious characters as far as I’m concerned. If Quinn gets us killed I’m going to haunt him for eternity in the afterlife. What’s the big deal with that necklace anyways? I thought he said no one would be looking for it. So what the hell? I might’ve gotten myself into some deep shit.
The rest of the day surprisingly went smoothly. More people asked about Quinn and I and more people complimented the new decorating and we sold alcohol and talked with the locals around the barn.
“You look awful,” I told my mirror as I stripped off my sweat-soaked clothes. Everything felt heavy due to my exhaustion. Taking a shower was more of a chore than it should have been. It hurt to even put my sweatshirt on. I had to stop halfway and give myself a pep talk to pull it over my head. Forget pants, I’m way too tired. Boxers it is.
“Did you die in there?” A knock came at the bathroom door. I sighed and opened it.
“Are you alright?” Quinn asked. He didn’t even look winded. He looked like he normally did, way too happy and completely ok. It pissed me off.
“Fine,” I grumbled as I swept my hair out of my face.
“You look exhausted,” he snickered. I didn’t bother trying to hide the glare I gave him.
“I’m going to crawl into bed and sleep for the next twenty hours. If you want to keep all your fingers, don’t talk to me. Don’t bother me. Even if there’s a fire or a tornado or the apocalypse, I don’t want to hear a single peep out of you.” I buried my pointer finger in his chest while narrowing my gaze. Still, Quinn smirked.
“You have no stamina.”
“If that’s a sex joke, I’m not commenting.”
“Why does everything have to be about sex?”
“Was it not?”
“Of course it was. Who do you think I am?”
“I don’t know. I can’t tell if you’re like a small dog or a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
“I’m not that innocent.”
“I’m not convinced.” I said with a roll of my eyes. Quinn lowered his voice and inched closer.
“Suit yourself. I did just successfully steal a priceless artifact.” Oh shit. I still haven’t told him about the drugstore incident. Maybe it wasn’t as successful as he thinks.
“Uh. About that-”
“Ehm,” Laurie said, clearing her throat as she rounded the corner. I don’t know why my cheeks darkened or my hands grew hot and sweaty, but I shoved Quinn away from me before my brain could process anything. “Are you two going to stay in the bathroom all night or can I actually shower before I pass out?”
“Sorry miss,” Quinn said a bit sheepishly as he followed me out of the bathroom. Not innocent my ass. He may be a thief, but those are the eyes of a man eager to please. Or, more like a mutt. Still, I shouldn’t underestimate him. Maybe it’s all just a ploy to gain my trust and steal my money and then murder me. Who knows?
She gave me a look before closing the door on our face. I need sleep. Not going to deal with this right now.
“So, goodnight I guess,” Quinn told me with a short wave. He was fiddling with his fingers a bit nervously. Am I really that intimidating? How ironic. I guess I felt a little bad.
“Goodnight,” I nodded back before turning to leave.
“Uh, hold on! Chris-”
“What’s up?” I asked over my shoulder.
“Um… I-” He scratched at his head, groping for the words he was looking for. “Nevermind. See you tomorrow.”
“Uh sure.” I frowned and turned away, wondering what he was trying so hard to tell me. I guess it’s not a big deal. No use overthinking it.
The snow globe was waiting for me on the desk. I tossed it into the shoebox and closed the lid. I’m tired. Too tired for this. The covers were a bit too thin for a cold night like this one, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I just don’t want to be conscious anymore. It's all become too much.
***
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