Once he went to bed, Nick couldn't help but smile. He had an enormous grin on his face that he didn't remember ever having before. Especially not after talking with a girl. Maybe when he was a teenager but not as an adult.
He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more, that Mia was something special. But he also knew that if he pressured her too much, she would run away. That was her protection mechanism, and Nick didn't think she could help it.
For that reason, he decided to go slowly. To slowly get to know Mia and earn her trust.
With thoughts of Mia and their long conversation, he fell asleep feeling more relaxed than he had ever felt before. Then the dream started again. He dreamed of him once again.
Once more, I am nervous about meeting Mark. Well, I am even more anxious than the last time, if that is even possible.
He said 'date', and I can't help but think he meant an actual date. Although I am nervous, I am also very excited. I love talking with Mark and getting to know him but what scares me is that I want more.
The problem is that I am not sure how much more I want, well at this point, it's more like a need.
I need Mark in my life, and I want to get closer to him, both physically and emotionally.
Why does this scare me?
Well, I guess if I told anyone, they would assume that I am afraid of being gay. But that's not it. I don't even think I am gay.
What scares me is the unknown. It's hard to live your whole life having these general ideas of what your future should look like and then suddenly have to reevaluate everything. To reexamine who you are, what you want, and how you see yourself.
Those thoughts are terrifying, and I am afraid that if I don't deal with them as soon as possible in my ignorance, I might hurt him. That is the last thing I want to do, but I am also unsure how long I can pretend that I want us to be only friends.
He wants more, although he is trying to hide it.
My guess is that he knows I am dealing with something and doesn't want me to run off.
But could I run away from him?
Even though I am not sure who I am anymore, I am sure I need his company.
Also, I am sure I want to kiss those alluring lips of his until we are both gasping for air.
But I know it is not a wise thing to do, so instead of thinking about all that, I focus on my wardrobe.
This time, I know where we are going, a small and comfortable restaurant. So, I dress accordingly.
I decide to put on an outfit that I know is unflattering, trying to prolong deciding what to do. My crazy logic is that Mark will like me less. Thus, I wouldn't be as tempted to kiss him senseless.
It is a move of a desperate guy, and I know it. However, I don't know what else to do.
When I get to the restaurant, he is already there, and I have no idea how to greet him.
I hate that I keep turning into a bundle of nerves whenever I am around him. The more I like his company, and him in general, the weirder I act around him, and I have no idea why.
"Hi," I say, sounding surprisingly casual.
"Hey. It's good to see you," Mark responds, and I blush.
He doesn't say anything embarrassing, and I have no idea why I am turning red.
In a failed attempt to gain back my coolness, I stretch my hand out for a handshake.
The surprise is written all over his face, and he can't help but raise his eyebrows questioningly but still, he shakes my hand.
After yesterday's tight hug that I initiated, I understand why he is so shocked by the formal handshake.
Well, I am shocked as well, and I turn an even brighter shade of red. Seeing how flustered I am, Mark steps in to help.
"Have a seat. I hear that coffee here is amazing," Mark says, smiling brightly at me.
Finally, upon seeing his captivating smile, I can feel myself relax, and to my relief, I finally stop blushing.
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