After the awkward hallway encounter, I couldn't figure out what to say to Olivia. I couldn't explain the bruise or weird behavior. The rest of the day I didn't look at her, using my crazy hair as a wall, and she didn't try to speak to me through it. I welcomed the quiet reprieve, at first. 

It's been weeks now, but the silence isn't getting to me. Not even a bit. For two hours a day we are forced to ignore each other's existence, though we are only a foot apart. She must have realized how weird I am, and that I have nothing interesting to say anyway. Totally cool since being friends with her is a bad idea. My life is so much easier with her not talking to me. Really, it is. 

I'm not even worrying about it.

January is finally coming to it's end, the longest fucking month ever. I've been crawling my way through it, but thankfully there haven't been any noteworthy incidents recently. Even my home life has been okay since I haven't had to deal with my dad very much. Usually after one of our episodes he will avoid me, never apologizing. Instead he prefers to pretend it never happened. Mom and him are alike that way.

I didn't show her my bruises, figuring there was no point. I would be trying to get attention and being dramatic. Or it would have been an accident, he didn't mean to. So why bother talking to her? 

I know my mom loves me, but I'm hard to deal with. She has more important stress, and I just add to it. The first time I made my dad really angry, which resulted in a vicious slap across the face, she had been working. I hid in my room crying as I waited for her, counting down the seconds for her comfort. My cheek had been hot where he hit me, and I kept pressing my hand to the warm skin as I wiped away tears. 

When I heard the door open I rushed to her, but she was tired. What I said caused her to look even more exhausted as she tried to move past me. My crying made the words difficult to get out, a jumbled mess of snot and tears. I don't remember what I had expected. If I thought she would just up and leave him or get mad, or if it was something else. I just know I was surprised at her reaction.

She told me that I was exaggerating, that there was no way he would have done that. It's not nice to tell stories and lie. She wanted to know what provoked him, what started the fight. What had I done? At nine years old I learned it's easier to keep your mouth shut. It's hard to have someone not believe you, and hurts more when you try to convince them of the truth. People don't want to hear sad or troubling things, it's much easier to pretend they don't exist.

●●●

A nudge causes me to jolt, sending my pencil skidding across my page. I glare at Emma, who smiling sweetly at me.

"So now that we're alone, are you going to tell me what is up with you?" 

We aren't really alone, the art room is loud and hectic as always. Jade and Lucas are currently at the sink trying to rinse out their paint brushes, having a conversation with Olivia that I can't hear. I had been turned sideways in my chair, sitting facing slightly towards them. Watching them inconspicuously, or so I thought.

"You have been zoning out so much lately." She concentrates on her art, but her tone is accusatory enough.

"I have not," I say, glancing at my practically blank page. My artistic skills are not flowing today.

"Well I just asked you like three times what you are doing tomorrow, so you can't lie to me bitch. What's up with you?" Oh, had she been talking to me?

"It's nothing. I'm just..." fucking over everything, the overthinking as well as the crushing existence of life, "tired. I'm really tired. Sorry."

"Yeah, okay. This doesn't have anything to do with the tension?" I widen my eyes at her before she continues. "Oh, fucking stop. You know exactly what I'm talking about." I look towards Olivia and them, but she draws my attention back when she nods her head.

"Yeah, that. What's going on? You're so tense and awkward anytime she's been around lately. What the fuck happened?" She rolls her eyes at my shrug. 

"That is definitely not an answer. But fine, don't talk to your best friend. I'm here when you want to. Or if you ever want to actually hang out with me again." That can't be the end of this, she usually doesn't give up easily. I feel guilty for not being around my friends lately, but I haven't had the energy or wanted to deal with any possible repercussions from my parents.

"I'm sorry I haven't been hanging out, just been busy with school work." Total lie, but still a decent excuse.

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure." 

"Well what are you doing tomorrow?" I ask, dreading the answer.

"We were all talking about the movies at lunch. Lucas has been going on about one he wants to see."

Mhm. I usually enjoy going to the movies, besides the fact that it's expensive. I can maybe ask mom, but not sure how that will go.

"We were planning on going to the 4:30 showing, it's cheaper. And I can smuggle in candy," she waggles her eyebrows when she pats her bag. "Come on. You have to."

"Have to what?" Lucas asks as him and Jade return to our table.

"Go with us tomorrow." Emma clues them in so they can join forces.

"Ooh yes, you should! We haven't been to the movies in ages." Jade smiles at me as she grabs my wrist. "Em is right, you have to. Pleasssseeee?"

"You guy's always gang up on me," I shake her off. "Fine, I will ask and see."

My mom is already off work by the time I get home, doing dishes. Her being in a good mood has been rare lately, so I'm cautious when I ask.  She seems happy about me going out, saying she will double check with dad first. An hour later she gives me ten dollars, but warns me to be home before midnight and to not get into any trouble. I'm surprised it was that easy, so I promise to behave. I text the group to let them know I can go and double check what time I need to be ready. My mom asks what movie we are seeing, but I'm honestly not sure. My friends always fight over everything, so it's easier to just go along with whoever is the winner. 

On Saturday, I get ready too early and end up pacing my room while waiting on my friends. I have a habit of doing this anytime we go somewhere, though I know they will more than likely be late. Finally my phone buzzes, and I say a quick bye to mom before I head out the door. I take a step out and stop at the sight of what's waiting for me. A black suv I don't recognize is here idling, but before I can panic and think I'm being kidnapped, one of the doors open.

"Hey! You ready or what?" Emma asks, with the largest smile on her face.