“How did your finals go, Christy?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I sighed, taking a hit from Toby’s spoon. “How’s the family?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
We settled into a silence. It wasn’t awkward persay. But it was empty. Lately all of our conversations have felt empty. But what is there left to say anyways?
“You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about that movie, the one with David Bowie. The Man Who Fell to Earth.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I think I get it more and more as I get older.”
“Yeah.”
“Hey Tobias?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever miss living with your family? You know, as opposed to living here with me.”
“No,” he said confidently. “Why? Do you?”
“I- I mean n-no but-” I frowned, scratching at my jaw. “Maybe.”
“You miss living with your abusive father and absent mother?” The way he posed this question was incredibly innocent. It was that ignorantly curious look in his eyes, the one he got before getting into some kind of trouble. Toby has never been a true trouble-maker, mind you. He just gets, well, curious. I guess.
“Well, I think it’s more guilt than anything. Or maybe just a stupid dream that things would be different if I returned.”
“Hm,” he hummed. “Christy?”
“Yeah?”
“If you had the choice, would you leave me for a supportive family?”
“I- what kind of question is that?” I nervously laughed. The gesture died on my tongue, however, when I saw how serious his eyes were. “Toby- I don’t… I don’t know. What am I- I guess no?”
“Oh.”
“I… why? Would you?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Fuck. Was that the wrong answer?
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?” I asked, gnawing at the skin on my thumb.
“Overthinking. It’s fine. We’re fine.” Toby placed a hand over my own, twining his fingers between mine.
“Everything is fine.”
I should have said no. I should have just said no.
***
“What’s got your head all in the clouds?”
“Huh?” I asked, straightening myself back up. I was only supposed to dig a shallow hole for the new plants but, looking down, it looks like I just dug a grave for the flowers instead.
“Sorry Laurie,” I sighed, stabbing the dirt with the spade.
“Stop apologizing. I’m just worried. You’ve been like this for the past few days, you know. What’s going on?”
Defeated, I sunk to the ground and hung my legs over the ugly pit I just created. “Ria’s pregnant.”
“Oh? You know Ria? She just found out, right? Isn’t that a good thing? I thought she was excited.”
“Ria’s pregnant,” I said, shaking my head. “And I’m still drowning in self-pity and shame over the death of my boyfriend, of which literally no one except for you and her even knew we were dating. Ria is pregnant and I’m still living in the mind of a twelve year old kid who never got to see his mom on Christmas or his birthdays. Don’t you get it? She’s all grown up and I’m just… an old kid who never learned how to grow up.” The flower grave looked so depressing I could just cry.
“Chistopher.” Laurie smiled as she sat down next to me. “You remind me of Tobias a bit. He always used to compare himself to others. He was never very vocal about his feelings. But I could always tell he felt things more than most people did. Have you ever considered that you’re on a different path than anyone else?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Everyone lives life at their own pace. And growth isn’t identical in everyone. For some, it means getting a job, or quitting a job, or starting a family, or leaving a family.”
I shrugged, ripping a handful of grass from the dirt and tossing it into the grave. I must look like a pouty toddler. I guess that’s not too far off from the truth.
“That grass will never grow again,” I pointed out.
“But it will fertilize the ground for future growth.”
“Ria and I used to hang out all the time back in high school and even in college.”
“You can still hang out now and after the baby.”
“But it won’t be the same.”
“No, it won’t.”
Laurie flashed me another smile before getting to her feet. I sighed. Change is inevitable. But I still hate it. Or, rather, I never learned how to deal with it.
“I’m going to bake some cookies. I finally have a day off. Don’t worry about the plants, just come in when you’re ready.” I nodded dully as Laurie’s footsteps faded away.
Ria is pregnant. Toby is gone. But I’m still just Christopher. Bullshit. My life is bullshit.
The sound of footsteps in the grass grew louder again after a while.
“Decided against the cookies?” I asked the pit.
“Cookies?”
“Quinn?” I asked, turning my head.
“Who else were you expecting?” He asked with a lopsided smile.
“Laurie. What are you doing here?”
“Watching you mope over that chasm apparently. Have you reached the outer core yet?”
“Ha ha,” I deadpanned. “You’re so funny.”
“It looks like a grave.”
“I know, right?” I agreed with a sigh, deflating against the spade. “You don’t happen to have anything we can fill it with, do you?”
“I’m not that kind of criminal,” Quinn joked as he squatted beside me.
“My friend is pregnant,” I said without thinking. Quinn didn’t seem bothered. He shifted to sit with his leg folded beneath him.
“Are they happy about the pregnancy?”
“I think so.”
“Are you?”
“I want to be.”
“But~”
“I’m not a kid anymore. But here I am, pouting over the fact that my friend is living the life she always wanted just because she won’t have the time to hang out with me anymore.”
“It isn’t childish to mourn that. It’s only childish if you prevent her from chasing after those dreams.”
“I guess,” I sighed. Maybe it’s just my loneliness but, these past few days, I’ve felt a little more comfortable talking with Quinn. I even told him about this road trip. For some reason, it feels like I’ve known him a bit longer than just a week. Maybe it’s just because he actually listens.
“This might sound weird,” Quinn started, tugging at his bottom lip. “But do you want to see the necklace?”
“You’d show it to me?”
“Yeah. I mean without you I’d absolutely be in jail right now. Plus you’ve given me a place to stay and food to eat and we’re not in Ohio anymore.”
“Is this a plot to kill me and take the car? Because, let me tell you, that thing is old as hell and you won’t get far unless you know the kinks.”
“No,” he laughed. “I promise there will be no killing involved.”
“Mmmm,” I crossed my arms. “Fine.” I’m an idiot. Oh well. I can’t say I’m not interested.
Quinn helped me to my feet and I followed him back inside the house. What will the necklace look like? I wonder. Will it be stitched with the finest silvers and precious metals? Will the gems shine as bright as a full moon? Who left it in that tiny town? And why’d he really steal it?
Quinn crouched by the bed and pulled out a small chest. It was plain and black. He undid the clasp, slowly folding back the top of the chest. I didn’t bother hiding the look on my face.
“You’re on the run for that?” I accused, folding my arms over my chest. Quinn looked both amused and offended.
“What do you mean? The Angel’s Tear is a priceless jewel!”
“That shit isn’t even elegant enough to look ugly! It looks like something you buy your niece at Claire’s for her twelfth birthday!”
The necklace was, like the chest it came in, simple. It was an encapsulated, faded, blue and tear-drop cut jewel hung by a simple silver chain.
“It may be simple, but it’s still beautiful!”
“It belongs on the retail shelf at Walmart. That was so not worth stealing. Are you sure it’s even real? Quinn, you little innocent puppy, it looks like you’ve been duped.”
“It’s real!” He groaned in frustration, sinking against the bedpost to the floor. I snickered at the display.
“Ok ok,” I sighed. “I’ll stop making fun of it.” I knelt down to get a better look. The jewel was pretty, though not in any conventional way. It was unique, and a bit old. “Why is it called the Angel’s Tear?”
“In the moonlight, it’s said to glow iridescent. There was a story, passed down from generations. Although no one knows who its original owner was. The lore is a classic Romeo and Juliet story: An angel falls in love with a mortal, taking the shape of a body that mortal would love most. Away from the eyes of God’s watchers, the angel meets the mortal at midnight every full moon. The angel’s beauty leaves the mortal breathless. He immediately falls in love.
“But God soon learns of these forbidden meetings and curses the angel’s love for witnessing a beauty too divine to have ever beheld. God blinds the mortal and takes away the angel’s wings as punishment. Every full moon to follow, the mortal’s body grows weaker and weaker until, on the evening of a blue moon, he dies. The angel, not knowing how to process mortal emotions such as grief or sorrow, as they had never spent so long in a mortal body before, sheds a single tear for their love’s death, and then kills themself, stabbing a dagger through their heart in the hopes they could see their love again. But such was not the case for the angel. And they were left imprisoned in the realms of purgatory for all eternity, only resurfacing on the mortal realm every blue moon to mourn the eternal loss of their love. This jewel is said to represent that single tear the angel shed for him.”
I stared, slack-jawed at Quinn for the entirety of the story. He questioned the look.
“What the hell? Why are all these stories so fucking dark and depressing? Goddamn.”
“They’re just stories, after all,” Quinn chuckled.
“How do you know it anyways?”
“My grandmother used to tell it to me all the time.”
“Is that the reason you stole it?” I asked.
“You still don’t believe what I told you?”
“Kind of,” I shrugged. “But-”
“Yeah, I got it. Well what I told you before is half right. I did take it because it’s underappreciated and lonely. But also… my mother used to tell me that my father once promised her that jewel and that they would get married when he found a way to get it. So my mother waited and waited and waited. But my father… he never came back. Still, my mom wished and hoped. She was so sure he would return. But grandma and I knew. We knew he wouldn’t come back.”
“So you stole it for her?”
“Sort of. I guess,” Quinn shrugged. “Yeah.”
“Are you going to give it to her then?”
“If only I could,” a sad smile tugged at Quinn’s lips. The expression on his face made my chest ache.
“What do you mean?” I asked, though I knew the answer already.
“She’s not with us anymore. My grandmother and I lost her a few years ago.”
“Oh.” So that’s what he meant earlier, when he said he lost someone close to him too. “I’m sorry.”
Quinn just shook his head, hugging the box tight to his abdomen. “It’s stupid, right? But I hope she’s happy if she’s looking down on me. It’s finally hers. Who needs that son of a bitch?” He laughed, but the sound came out strangled. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never really had a mom. I had a mother. But never a mom.
“You’re not alone, Christopher. Everyone experiences loss. So stop isolating yourself, alright?” He smiled up at me with glossy eyes. “Give your friend a call, make sure she’s alright. Lean on people a little more.” I nodded. What more could I do?
It was silent for a while. I was left fiddling my thumbs awkwardly as Quinn stared at that pitiful necklace. Suddenly, a memory struck me.
“Uh, ok, so don’t get mad.” I started sheepishly. Quinn looked up at me in confusion. I continued.
"But I think, maybe, we might be getting tailed.”
“What?” He straightened up in alarm. “What do you mean?”
“I was at the drugstore and… something weird happened?”
“What happened?”
“Some guy just walked up behind me and threatened me with what might have been a gun. He just asked if I knew of a necklace and said my license plate was pretty suspicious.”
“WHAT? When did this happen?”
“A week ago?”
“Chris, why are you just telling me this now?!” He shrieked. Him freaking out just made me freak out even more.
“I forgot!”
“How could you forget?!”
“I don’t know! My friend’s pregnant!”
“Chris!” Quinn roared. “What the fuck!”
“I’m sorry!”
“Was it the cops?”
“I don’t know! I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?”
“Well it didn’t seem very professional to pull out a gun in the middle of a gas station!”
“Did you even look at the guy?”
“No! I didn’t get the chance!”
“You didn’t get the chance? Chris,” he groaned.
“What?” I defended.
“What do you mean what?! We’re being targeted by unknown perpetrators with guns!”
“It could have been a knife!
“That doesn’t make it any better!”
“Well what do we do now?”
“I don’t know!”
“You’re supposed to! You’re the criminal mastermind here.” I shoved a finger in his face.
“Hardly! I’m just some dude from Ohio.”
“That’s my line!”
After pointlessly bickering for another five minutes, both of us were laying on the floor, winded and worried. We’re fucking hopeless.
“So what now?”
“Well, nothing’s happened yet, right?”
“True.”
“So what if we just keep an eye out for now?”
“You mean spend the next week here like planned?”
“Well if we leave now it would look suspicious, right?”
“I guess. Are you sure this even happened? It sounds like a drunk hallucination.”
“Honestly, it could have been.”
A second passed and suddenly we both erupted into stupid giggles.
“We’re on the run.”
“Living life on the edge.”
“Hey, do you have any more weed?”
We ended up smoking for the next of the night back on the porch. The intelligent part of my brain told me this was all such a bad idea. But I'm an idiot anyways. Why go off script? I’m living life one day at a time out here. There aren’t any rules. No bullies or assignments or fucked up family. Just me, my grief, and a thief. Hey, that rhymes.
“You ever think about how weird bodies are?” Quinn wondered aloud. I shrugged.
“I mean, we’re all just sacks of flesh but we’re like alive. And we can die but our flesh sacks remain for a bit.”
“You think we actually have souls?” I asked. Now it was Quinn’s turn to shrug.
“I guess so. Maybe we’re just nomads, traveling lives of life and death.”
“Like wanderers? Like life itinerants?”
“Yeah, exactly. I like that: life itinerant.”
“Doesn’t that make us homeless?”
“No, that just means we have a home wherever we make one.”
“Huh.”
“You got any snacks?”
“Yeah.”
The weed made the void in my chest number. I didn’t feel it as much. I just felt a bit tingly and warm. The stars are nice to look at here. It’s still the sky, but it’s a different sky. I want to get a new tattoo. Or maybe a piercing. Maybe I’ll cut my hair. That way, I’ll be different too.
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