Neighbour Boy, 12:34 Breathe, Jem, Breathe

You, 12:35 Shut up  I’ll breathe on you 

Neighbour Boy, 12:35 Scary. I shouldn’t expect much from someone called Jeremiah.

You, 12:38 Http://SacrificialRitual_StepbystepGuide

Neighbour Boy, 12:39 What is this?

You, 12:39 What I’ll use to sacrifice you with

Neighbour Boy, 12:40 I’m all ears.

What a prick. He deserves to be sacrificed. All I wanted was some comfort before I meet with StoneRose and Fahim, and he makes fun of me instead! Wow.

Just wow. Why do I feel better? It actually worked. My nerves have been reduced to tickling vibrations, revving me to go further rather than stop me in my tracks. I’ll continue to ignore the smile on my face, though.

Frosted leaves crunch beneath my boots, birds sing above my head. I pull my scarf a little tighter and burrow my chin into its warmth. 

We decided that meeting in a familiar place would be easier for StoneRose – or Reese Calthorne as I recently found out. A public place would be bad in case anyone noticed us, so we landed on the same wild park that we originally met in.

There’s a small cafe here planted snugly between buildings of water sport rental gear for the lakes these woodlands surround. I approach an ancient looking wall that follows the small river, perching myself on the cold stone. 

I’m early, but that’s okay. It gives me time to think some more. Hah, I can almost hear Isaac’s taunting voice, “You’re attempting to think again? Hold on, let me get the extinguisher.” Bully.

“Hey, Jem, glad you’re here,” Fahim stops next to me, holding out a paper mug, “Something to warm you up.” He smiles as I take it. 

“Thanks, dad.” I return his smile, a playful kick to it that I certainly wasn’t feeling earlier. Thanks Isaac.

“Okay- just because Cindy calls me that–”

“Cindy calls you dad?” My eyebrows raise, hand and coffee frozen halfway to my face.

Fahim’s cheeks burn a dark crimson, his face scrunched in embarrassment. “No! You- You know what I meant! She calls me your dad!” His hands fly everywhere as if that'd help pull his thoughts into cohesion. 

I can’t stop the laugh welling up inside of me, “Sure. I believe you.”

“I don’t doubt you do. You know, since you nearly told Cindy how ace I am.” The red fades from his cheeks, replaced with a proud smirk.

“Can’t tell if you’re upset with me or just happy about the word ace. I’m sorry to tell you but you just ain’t ace.”

“I am very ace, you can’t tell me what I am and am not.”

“In my opinion you are not ace. Mediocre at best.”

He opens his mouth to argue, his eyes smiling despite his forced scowl, but another voice cuts in. Interrupting our bicker session.

“Um, excuse me?” We both turn to look at Reese, his red hair glowing in the sunlight, “Hello, sorry I’m late.”

I check my watch as Fahim introduces himself. 13:03, he’s hardly late. We’ve waited over half an hour for people to show up to meetings before, I think I’m gonna like this kid.

“How have you been dealing with other people?” Fahim asks once we’ve moved to a picnic table by the water’s edge. A huge willow tree spills down towards the glassy surface, it’s bare branches dance around us. It would look beautiful in the snow, if we get any this winter.

“Okay, I think. Usually, the bad comments I get are complete lies or misunderstandings so they’re easy to ignore. The digs at my appearance are harder. I’m not exactly a fan of my freckles already so,” he laughs nervously, fingers knotted together on the table.

Fahim looks ready to reply, but this is my chance to do something for myself. I’m the reason this mess started, I can’t let other’s fix it for me again. 

“They don’t know what they’re talking about and clearly, neither do you. I said it before and I’ll say it again. You’re a chosen one. Chosen by the sun. A sun child.” My goal is to make him smile, release the tension this meeting might’ve put on him.

Luckily, it works, “You mean the sin? I’m a sin child.” A grin curls around his cheeks, growing wider as my hand grips my forehead.

“Okay, forget that! I have noticed less people attacking and more people defending you since we made our statement,” I change the subject slightly, referring to the statement Sydney and I conjured up, telling people StoneRose has nothing to do with me and to stop attacking him. Or anyone.

“Yeah, thanks so much! It feels kinda nice to read those messages. I actually made a few friends by it.” He smiles again, his many freckles almost glittering with the movement.

“Don’t thank me, this shouldn’t have happened in the first place.” My tone falls deeper. 

Isaac’s words coast by, telling me it isn’t my fault and I have little to no control over these things. But it’s hard to accept that as fact. There’s always something I could do better, though is that what Isaac means? Or is he telling me to relax about the things I can’t prevent?

He's right about the thinking. Every thought strikes me like a match, daring the sparks to catch. I really don't want to combust right now… at least we're by a lake. 

"I'm glad you're coping alright," I continue, "we'll keep monitoring the situation and stay in contact if you need us or if anything changes. We don't want your safety to be at risk, whether that's mentally or physically."

Reese looks at me with pure appreciation, it lights another kind of fire in me. I'm doing something right. 

Fahim passes a card to him, "Here's the number you can use to contact us. You don't have to give us yours, but you can text that number and we'll reply. We won't respond to spam though."

Reese almost shudders under Fahim's serious gaze. Fahim is a lot more cautious about this situation than I am, meeting with a fan like this. It just feels like the right thing to do and everything is in my favour to do it: I'm not a big celebrity, Reese is around my age, we live in the same city. I couldn't not do this. 

"Okay, thank you. I really didn't expect this much from you. I really do appreciate it." Reese tucks the card into his pocket, zipping it up safe. 

Another thought occurs to me, one that's less important but could be useful. I won't be the one contacting him through that number, I probably won't even see the messages much less hear any calls. 

"Just in case anything happens to your socials and you need to make a new one, I still want you to be able to message me or something." I ponder aloud. 

Reese's face dissolves into one of thought too, listening eagerly. 

"Maybe," I begin again, "A code! We need a code. Like, uh," 

"Jem, we already have this number." Fahim points out, but my mind is too busy to think of a response. 

Too busy blurting out, "What's your star sign?"

Both of them go silent, confused looks filtering their faces. 

"Um… Gemini I think? Wait, old or new?" 

"Wh- What do you mean, old or new?" 

"Well, they made an updated version with a 13th zodiac a few years ago. I guess I'd be a Taurus with that one." Reese explains. 

It's my turn adopting the confused look. Why are star signs this complicated? I only just learnt all 12 names, now there's a 13th? Why my Aunt is interested in them is beyond me.

"Well… We'll just go with Gemini! If you make a new account and want to message me for whatever reason, write Gemini before your text. Got it?" 

"Got it." He smiles, that same appreciation twinkling in his eyes.

The good fire within me burns bright, warming my insides and sparking a strong desire to keep this up.

~~~

Life has been a ride, recently. That’s putting it lightly. Many words for many emotions swirl through my mind, though simple words don’t give them much justice. Each emotion has been powerful enough to knock the breath right from me.

One word doesn’t do it justice, but a few notes might.

My fingers tap against the keys of my piano – a small, dusty looking thing. My hands play out a mellow tune; not quite what I was thinking, but it brings me to the same mood some of my favourite songs do. 

Peaceful, sweet, background music for anything in life. I soak up the soft note every key makes. The things I like best about this style are the gentle lyrics that blend into the tune perfectly and when you actually listen in, they contrast the mellow mood so starkly.

I may have just done an album filled with contrasting themes, but none were quite like this. The shadow of lyrics play through my mind, possible words to fit with the notes and describe how I’m feeling. The stress, the worry, the nerves that’ve been festering inside, creeping up with every mistake made. Terrible feelings that feel almost wanted when accompanied with these sounds.

A reminder that, although times can be tough and anyone can feel super low, there’s a string of hope: the music – the background to our lives, everything that we could have, that we want. It’s a strange happiness.

My phone pings on the chair beside me, the light blonde of Turtle’s picture further darkening the sapphire seat. A notification from Neighbour Boy.

Neighbour Boy, 17:17  I wanted to send this earlier but I wasn’t sure you could handle it. [See attached image]

Oh no, it isn’t bugs is it? I was in class the first time he sent me a video, I think it was an ant infestation but there were so many of them. People would lift up the floorboards and more would pour out. For a week after that, every time I saw something small and dark in my house I’d flinch. 

I ready myself before cautiously clicking the file. The image loads in, something very familiar. I can’t believe it takes me a few seconds to recognise my own face. 

There I am laid across my bed, the king of hearts throw gathered around my shoulders like a very lame royal robe. My shirt is nonexistent, shadows revealing the faint lines of my muscles – when I say I had to tense to show them. The ugliest smirk rests on my dumb face, hair pushed back. I was really going for a YA bad boy look- I- The fact Isaac has seen this is beyond mortifying.

I close the piano so I can rest my elbows safely on it’s faded surface, catching the hot skin of my face in my hands. That picture was archived on my account. The account I gave Isaac access to. Why did I do that?!

You, 17:24 Unsee it!

Neighbour Boy, 17:24 You can’t fix all your problems by yelling at people to undo things. Also there was a video on the second slide that is permanently ingrained into my mind.

You, 17:25 Oh god what video

Neighbour Boy, 17:25
I guess it’s a behind the scenes thing? You were talking to whoever was behind the camera, messing with your blanket and arguing with Camera Guy about having abs. I think I’m with him on this one: you didn’t.

The mere knowledge that he’s seen these things is already just- yet his input makes it so much worse. You don’t have to tell me how stupid I was, I already know! Although I can’t deny I wouldn’t make a video like that again if I were given the chance…  You, 17:28 Theyre archived for a reason!

Neighbour Boy, 17:28 You would’ve been 17 then, right? You were even more baby faced. 

You, 17:29 I won’t stand for this bullying

Neighbour Boy, 17:29 Then take a seat.

You, 17:29 Ill shove the seat up your ass

Neighbour Boy, 17:30 Have you been reading your fanfics? That sounds like something they’d say.

You, 17:30 No why would Have you been reading them??

Neighbour Boy, 17:31 It’s become tradition in my flat to read one every friday night.

You, 17:31 …

Neighbour Boy, 17:31 (:

All the creative energy has been stripped from me faster than I stripped my shirt for that picture. Thanks. Isaac.