It’s raining.

Of course, it’s fucking raining.

Cause that’s just my goddess damn life.

Fucking perfect.

Now I’m standing in the rain, in front of a door I have yet to knock on, cause I’m too damn scared to even lift my arm toward the door.

Fucking anxiety.

Fucking rain.

FUCKING LIFE.

I don’t even know why I’m here, honestly, I’m not even sure how I got here in the first place. I just ran until I ended up here and now, I’m standing in the rain, in front of a door I’m too chicken shit to even fucking knock on.

And it’s been at least ten minutes since I first got here.

I’m so messed up.

I shouldn’t have run away, but I panicked and ran from my brother, the person who means more to me than anything else in this world.

I sniffle, looking down at my waterlogged shoes, tears welling up in my eyes. Rubbing my eyes with a fist I try to force my emotions back down but it’s all too much.

I think about just leaving.

This was a bad idea.

Obviously.

If I can’t even knock on the fucking door.

I’m just about to leave, honestly, I am, if I could get any part of my body to do what I actually fucking want it to.

But my feet won’t move, and my arms won’t move so now I’m just standing here, not leaving, not knocking.

Just standing here like a fucking moron.

Then, the door is thrown open, like the person behind it is in a panicked hurry.

I look up from my shoes and into the light tan eyes of my big brother.  He’s built like a brick shit house, tall, buff and intimidating but I can see the concern and relief wash over his face simultaneously as he registers that fact that I’m standing in front of his door doing my best to imitate a statue of a drowned homeless person.

“IAGO! Thank the Goddess.” He runs a hand through his red-brown hair before pulling me, rather forcefully, into his house.

“Um… ouch.” I rub the stop on my arm he grabbed. He does not have control of his strength when he is flustered apparently.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED WE ALL ARE? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

He’s loud when he’s upset.

I cross my arms over my chest and look back down at my shoes.

I wonder how long it’ll take to dry them out or if I’ll have to get new ones.

I hate new shoes.

“Magnus, calm down, shouting isn’t going to help.” Oh, Jing is here too, “Go call your mother and text your siblings, let them know he’s safe and here with us. DO NOT let them all come over yet, tell them we will take care of it for now. If your mother tries to fight it, bring me the phone and I will handle it.”

My big brother just nods and walks away.

 “Iago?” My brother’s Mate has a nice voice, it’s calm and soothing. “Iago, I’m not going to ask you anything right now. Would you like to take a hot shower?”

I just life one shoulder.

A hot shower might be nice.

I am kinda cold, I guess.

From the rain.

I’m so confused though.

“Why is Magnus so upset?” My voice is so quiet I must wonder if Jing could hear it. Usually no one hears it, only one person. It’s not like I talk anyways. Nothing ever seems important enough to really say out loud.

Jing sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

Huh, maybe that’s where Magnus got that little habit.

Can you pick up your Mate’s nervous ticks?

Is that a thing?

“Iago, they haven’t been able to find you for hours. You’ve been out in the rain for at least 2 hours. Come on, we’ll get it all sorted after you’re warmed up and in some dry clothes.”

He gently reaches out and takes my hand. Slowly, like I’m a woodland animal about to run away from him.

I let him lead me into an impressive bathroom.

It has a huge shower.

I bet they have sex in this shower.

I hope they clean it.

Fuck now I must know cause…. Gross.

“You clean your shower, right?”

One corner of his lips twitches, slightly breaking his normal expressionless face.

Was that a smile?

Or did I say something wrong?

“Yes, regularly. It’s quite sanitary in there.”

Well, that’s nice.

The shower is hot.

They have wonderful water pressure.

Fuck this is the nicest thing to happen all day.

And doesn’t that just say a fuckton about this day.

But maybe I’m overreacting.

Cause I do that sometimes.

Usually, Indy helps.

But not this time.

Cause this time it’s all Indy’s fault.

Not really.

It’s mine.

Cause I’m fucked up.

And a moron.

Jing left clothes on the counter.

They must be his cause they kinda fit.

Jing only an inch or two shorter but I’m leaner.

I shuffle out of the bathroom in my borrowed joggers and t-shirt and immediately tense up again.

They’re staring at me.

I don’t like it.

Please stop staring.

Please stop looking.

STOP LOOKING.

Jing clears his throat. “Do you want something to drink? Maybe some tea to help you warm up?”

I half shrug again.

Tea’s nice.

Magnus is still staring.

“I’ll make some tea.” Jing walks toward the kitchen. “Have a seat Iago. We can figure out what’s going on.”

I make my way over to the couch, trying to not look at my big brother.

He’s mad.

I don’t like it when people are mad.

“Magnus, enough, you’re not helping anything.” Jing’s calm voice seems to help, and Magnus finally stops staring.

Thank fuck for small favors.

Now it’s silent.

Normally that’d make me happy.

I like silence.

But this….

This is awkward.

And uncomfortable.

Why did I come here?

“Iago?”

There’s a teacup in my face.

The steam is hypnotic.

Coming off the hot liquid in random wisps that entrance and fascinate me.

I take the cup gently in my hands.

The warmth is nice.

Magnus sighs, I think he’s run out of patience.

“Iago, you scared the shit out of everyone. You ran off and no one could find you. We couldn’t even call you because you refuse to carry a phone.”

I half shrug again.

I don’t like phones.

I don’t need one.

Indy has one.

And I have Indy.

Had Indy.

Not anymore.

He’s leaving me behind.

Just like everyone else.

Everyone always fucking leaves.

“Indy met his mate.”

I don’t know why I say it.

I wasn’t going to say it.

Fuck.

Indy’s gonna be mad I told.