Mom, Dad, and Vinny come home a bit later, but I’m in my room with the door closed listening to We Are Not Alone, feeling sorry for myself. At some point Mom comes into my room, she stands expectantly in the doorway until I turn my music down.
“You need to clean your room.” She says, turning the light on. I nod, I won’t be cleaning my room any time soon. Mom rolls her eyes. “You’re such a boy. How was your trip?”
“I had a good time.” I say.
“Anything exciting happen?”
I shrug. “We ate at a fancy Italian restaurant.”
“What did you get?”
“Alfredo.”
She laughs. “Of course you did.”
I laugh too, I'm nothing if not predictable at Italian restaurants.
“I’m glad you went, you haven’t gotten out of the house much lately.”
I feel something spark in my chest. “Mom, I go out to the desert every weekend, I’m out there every other day.”
She rolls her eyes. “I mean with people, to actually do something.”
I don’t tell her that Benjamin usually accompanies me to the desert, I also don’t tell her that I’m always doing something out there. “Whatever.” I say.
She makes a face like she doesn’t know what she did wrong. After a few minutes of silence, she leaves. I turn my music back up and eventually fall asleep.
Benjamin invites me to his house for New Years, he says his parents got a hotel room so they could have some alone time. I laugh and say we should go out to the desert but he wants to watch the ball drop on TV so we decide to stay at his place.
Something I don’t expect is the alcohol. He doesn’t seem like the rebellious type but here he is telling me we should take shots of vodka.
“Benjamin, I’ve never drank.” I tell him, feeling ashamed. Most kids are drinking by fifteen, and I’ve never even had a sip of wine.
He shrugs. “I’ve only had wine on my birthday. We can get drunk for the first time together.”
I’m hesitant but agree to it. I pour it into two shot glasses. “Where did you get marshmallow vodka?” I ask.
“It’s my parents’.” He says.
“Won’t they notice it’s gone?”
“Yeah, but they won’t be able to do anything about it.”
I nod. We both take the glasses, it’s only ten thirty, but we aren’t waiting around. We down the shots, and I think we both regret it.
I feel lightheaded and it was disgusting. Definitely not marshmallow. I stick my tongue out. “Gross.” I say.
Benjamin nods. “Yeah, disgusting. I have a better idea.” He takes some cranberry juice out of the fridge and gets two full-size glasses.
“Yeah,” I laugh, “much better idea.”
He pours two thirds vodka, one third juice into each cup and it’s still gross, but more bearably so. The more I drink, the more bearable it gets. By eleven fifty we’re both giggling and sloppy. I’ve never been drunk before.
“You already told me.” He says, laughing and slurring.
“You’re spilling!” I say too loud, I try to right his cup, but end up making more slosh out. We both laugh. Thankfully, we’re in the kitchen and the linoleum floor in here will be easier to clean than the carpet.
“Three, two, one!” We shout in unison with the rest of the world as the ball drops. We both cheer and knock our glasses together before drinking what’s left in them. We pass out on the couch a little while later.
I’m woken by an aggressive arm shake.
I groan as I try to open my eyes. My head is pounding, like somebody hit me with a bat. Oscar and Kelly are looking at Benjamin and I with disappointed expressions. I don’t want to look at them, partially from shame and partially because the light hurts my head.
We get a ten minute lecture and then we have to clean the kitchen. With no ibuprofen.
It takes us a solid two hours when it probably should have taken around thirty minutes. We finish and sit at the table, drinking large glasses of water. Oscar rewards us with two tablets each. I could kiss his feet.
“When are you heading home?” Oscar asks me, no longer mad.
I shrug. “Whenever you want me to leave.”
Oscar laughs. “I don’t want you to leave, Leo. Stay as long as you want.” I smile, but my head still hurts so I stop. I’m not sure how I feel about the alcohol. I kind of liked it but I felt a little out of control. I still think I’d do it again, though. I had fun.
Cleaning up the kitchen, however, was not fun. It sucked ass, next time we’ll have to be more cautious.
Next time.
School starts and finals are in two weeks. Rather than going out to the desert I stay home and do review packets and stress but I don’t study. I don’t see a whole lot of Benjamin either, since he goes to tutoring after school and studies in the library during lunch. On the weekends he studies and I do nothing.
In two weeks we take our finals and we both pass all our classes. Benjamin only scrapes by in English, he says he got a sixty-two percent.
I laugh and tell him my parents would kill me if my grades ever dropped that low.
Then I wonder if they would. If they would even notice, they don’t look at my report cards anymore. They just trust I’m doing my best and that my grades are good. I wonder what they would do if I told them I had a D one day.
That Friday Benjamin and I pack a few things to take to the desert, we plan to stay until late Sunday night. It’s been snowing in the mountains, so we pack warm and bring sleds. Sledding down the mountains is quite possibly the most fun thing to do in the desert which is pretty ironic if you ask me.
I drive up a tall hill, it’s pretty steep and pretty long but it’s the absolute perfect place for sledding. Vinny and I did it ever winter as kids but it’s been a few years since I’ve been here to sled. “You ready?” I ask, pulling a beanie over my ears and gloves onto my hands.
I open the doors and let Alton jump out into the snow, he loves the cold. Benjamin jumps out in heavy snow boots and a jacket. We open the back and pull out the sleds, one of them is a two-seater. Benjamin refuses to be in front which turns out to be a smart move.
We sit down, very cramped in the tiny sled, and scoot-jump forward until we’re barreling down the hill too fast to steer or stop. The curve at the end of the road is coming up quickly, we try to lean, but before we even get to the turn we hit a rock and fly through the air. I may have taken snow to the face while coming down the hill, but Benjamin lands face down in the snow, and I land on top of him, the sled six feet away.
I pull myself off of him and he rolls over, laughing, his face is red from the cold, I pull him up by his wrist. He wraps his arms around himself and shivers. He looks up the hill at the truck. “Oh my god.” He says. “I cannot walk all the way back up there.” I turn the sled over and he flops onto it. “Drag me up.”
I kick the sled over and he falls back into the snow. He pulls my leg and I fall next to him, then he scrambles to his feet and starts running, I make a snowball and peg him with it. Soon enough, it’s an all-out war. We throw snowballs at each other, shove ice into each other’s clothes and push each other into the snow. Alton joins in the fun, jumping on us and pushing us around.
Benjamin’s just shoved snow up my shirt and taken off running, I chase after him and tackle him, leaping through the air and wrapping my arms around his waist. On the ground, Alton licks my freezing cheeks, I shove him away and get to my feet.
“Shit!” He says as he stands up. “I’m way too cold.” But he’s smiling and his cheeks are flushed. We laugh and finally haul the sled up the hill, Alton follows obediently at my side. We reach the truck and Benjamin throws the doors open, I get in the front, start the truck, and crank up the heater. I dry Alton off the best I can with a towel while Benjamin strips off his wet clothes. Once Alton is mostly dry I close the doors and take off mine.
We both huddle under blankets in our underwear while our clothes dry in the front by the heaters, Alton is on his back between us, but he’s still too wet for either of us to want to pet him.
At some point, the truck is warm enough that we get out from under our covers. I’m uncomfortable being nearly naked so I throw on an old hoodie I keep in here for emergencies.
“What’s that?” Benjamin points to the scar on my calf.
“A scar.”
Benjamin rolls his eyes. “No shit, Sherlock. How’d you get it?”
“Climbing through the canyon. Farther up than you’ve ever been.”
“Jesus, what happened?”
“I slipped trying to climb a little waterfall when I was nine or ten.” I laugh and poke at the scar. “Dad had to carry me back to the truck and drive me to the hospital. I had to get ten stitches.”
“Wow, I bet your parents were freaked out. I don’t know what my parents would do if that happened to me.”
“Nah, Dad was a little flustered when it happened but we were all laughing about it by the next day.”
“My parents would ban me from rock climbing.” He laughs. “Not that they know I do that stuff, they’d never approve.”
“Really?”
“They’re a little overprotective.”
“Clearly.”
“Or maybe you’re just an adrenaline junkie, risking your life for the thrill.”
That makes me laugh. “Maybe you’re just a sheltered pretty-boy who doesn’t know how to have a good time.”
He makes a mock serious face. “See, I kid. You hurt.”
I make fists and pretend to be crying.
He shoves me. “Don’t be a dick.”
“You’re a dick.” I shove him back, so he pushes me over, and Alton barks at us. We’re laughing, though. I push him back onto his blanket and he stays still, defeated. “Let’s play cards.”
“Okay.” We play war, and I start off with four aces, all of which are stolen from me before the end of the game. We play for hours, until well after dark. The next day is spent in much the same way, although we do a lot more actual sledding and hiking. That night we stargaze, it snowed a bit during the day, so we brush the thin layer off before laying down.
It’s pretty cloudy, so the view isn’t as great as it could be, but the stars still light up the snow-covered desert and it’s otherworldly. It’s beautiful.
We don’t say anything for a while. “I’m going to be in Tennessee for the summer.” Benjamin says after a long silence.
“Okay.” I say but it totally sucks. It means another summer spent alone in my room. I was kind of looking forward to having someone to hang out with, rather than having infinitely long stretches of nothing.
Benjamin sighs, his breath clouds above him. “I’m sorry, Leo.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
“I just want to see my family.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Benjamin.”
I can tell he feels bad. He shouldn’t but I’m glad he does which makes my stomach twist. I hope it doesn’t make me a bad person.
We get up and get in the truck, I don’t fall asleep for a long time, I don’t think Benjamin does either.
“I don’t know if I want to go back.” He says really quietly. I almost don’t hear him.
“Why not?” I ask, trying to keep my voice soft. I feel like I’ll scare him if I talk too loud or too suddenly.
“I’m scared.” He says. I look over at him, but he has his back to me. I don’t say anything if he wants to say more he will. He sits up to lean against seats. “Do you know why we moved?” He asks. I sit up and shake my head. “Somebody beat me up.”
“Oh.” Is what I say, like a dumbass. That’s why he was so hurt that I didn’t care when Larson was beat up, it also explains why he looked so scared after I knocked Oliver out. I didn’t think he was scared of me but maybe he was. I want to say more but my mind is blank. “Are they in jail?” I ask but I know it's a stupid question.
“I don’t know.” He says. “We went to stay with some family in Reno for a while, that’s why we came to Nevada. To be with them.”
“Why’d they beat you up?” He doesn’t say anything. “Sorry,” I say, “you don’t have to tell me. I don’t want to pry.”
He sighs. “I just can’t talk about it right now.”
“That’s okay.” I say, I put my hand on his shoulder in an effort to comfort him, he smiles at me. I smile back.
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