The car stopped somewhere outside West Virginia. I don’t know how I knew as I opened my eyes. I just knew. Maybe it’s because the air felt a little cleaner. Or maybe I’m just crazy.
“Where are we?” I mumbled, stretching my arms above my head.
“Just off I-99N. We’re only three hours in right now.”
“Ok,” I hummed sleepily.
“Have a nice nap?”
“Hm.” It was pitch black outside. I sighed, knowing it’s my turn to drive.
“Imma go in and take a piss, then I’ll switch out with you,” I told Quinn as I motioned to the rest stop.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. You should try to get at least some sleep. Who knows where we’ll be tomorrow?”
“Yeah alright.”
I stumbled out of the car and into the rest stop. There’s no way I can drive like this. I went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I felt miserable.
I shoved two dollars in the vending machine outside, desperate for caffeine. Of course the energy drink got stuck in the machine. I groaned, banging my head against the glass.
“You alright there man?” A youngish man maybe my age asked as he spotted me pathetically slumped against the vending machine. He spotted the problem and clicked his tongue against his teeth.
“Damn things do this all the time. Here-” He reached into his pocket and handed me a five dollar bill. I took it reluctantly.
“Are you sure?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m not low on cash or anything.”
“Oh, uh thanks.” I fed the bill into the machine and pressed the same button. This time two drinks fell out. I offered him the other redbull, which he took even though he insisted I keep the change.
“So where are you from?” The man asked in an attempt to make small talk. I cracked open the can and slid to the ground, back against the wall.
“Ohio. What about you?” I took this time to size him up as he sat down beside me, mimicking my actions. The man looked like he belonged in a rock magazine, with his piercings and dyed hair and all that. It suited him.
“Florida.” Did not expect that.
“Florida?”
“Yup.”
“You’re quite far from Florida."
“Aren’t you quite far from Ohio?”
“Sort of, I guess. What are you doing all the way out here?”
“I’m actually touring with my band. We’re on our way to Philadelphia now.”
“No shit, really? A friend and I are on our way to Philly too.”
“Nice,” the man laughed, sipping from the drink. “What for?”
“Um long story.”
“I’ve got time. We’re not planning on going anywhere for the night.”
I gave the man once over, wondering whether to tell him the truth or not. Well, he doesn’t seem like the guy to turn to the cops.
“So what if I told you that I’m supposed to be going on this road trip for my late partner who couldn’t add me in the will for safety purposes and I picked up a stranger who may or may not have committed a crime by stealing this fucking ugly ass jewel that’s supposed to be priceless and now we’re kind of on the run from some shady dude who might be part of a gang or the mafia or some shit?”
“Damn,” the stranger laughed. “That sounds like a dope story to write about. Is that thief the friend of yours?”
“Uh yeah. I guess… we’ve gotten kind of close.”
“That sounds like the kind of shit my bandmates and I used to get into. Sorry for your loss though. That’s hard.”
“Thanks. It’s ok. I mean, it’s not but it will be… maybe. What’s your band called?”
“Divine Dead.”
“Bullshit.”
“What?” The stranger chuckled. “No bullshit. I’m being serious.”
“You’re part of Divine Dead?” I asked incredulously.
“You’ve heard of us?”
“I’m like a major fan of you guys. Your music's the only thing keeping me sane right now.”
“Really?” He asked with a grin. “That makes me feel somewhat accomplished, even though I’m only the bassist.”
“The friend I’m traveling with also likes your stuff.”
“That’s so fucking dope. Hey, what’s your name?”
“Chris.”
“Chris. I’m Leon. Hey, do you want to maybe meet the others?”
“You’d do that?”
“Hell yeah. It’s always awesome meeting new fans.”
“Then fuck yes. Mind if I grab my friend?”
“Go ahead, I’ll be here.”
I literally sprinted to the car with all the speed in my body, even faster than when we were being chased. I was scared if I took too long, reality would catch up and this would all remain a facade. I aggressively knocked on Quinn’s window, startling him awake.
“What took you so long?” He asked as he rolled the window down.
“Quinn, get out of the car. You might want to meet someone?”
“What? Who?”
“Just had a chance encounter with the bassist from Divine Dead.”
“What? Really?”
“Yes. Get your ass out of the car.”
I didn’t have to tell him twice. I locked the car as I led Quinn to the vending machines. I was surprised that Leon was still sitting there, just like he promised.
“No way. Is this real?” Quinn asked like meeting a childhood idol or favorite superhero. I would have been on his ass about it if I wasn’t so excited myself.
“Hey,” Leon extended his hand to Quinn in greeting as he got to his feet. “I’m Leon.”
“Quinn,” the man said as he shook his hand firmly.
“So you’re involved in a grand heist, huh?” Leon asked like it was a normal ice-breaker. Quinn looked at me in surprise. I just shrugged.
“You could call it that?” Quinn said sheepishly. The bassist laughed.
“Wanna meet the guys?”
“Sure,” he grinned. Leon led us to the other end of the parking lot where a van with the band logo spray painted on the side was parked. It didn’t feel real. Quinn and I kept looking at each other as though trying to confirm that this was, indeed, real life.
“Our humble abode,” Leon said dramatically while mocking a bow at the back of the van. I snorted.
“More luxury than Christopher’s beaten up hatchback,” Quinn quipped. I shot him a glare but my energy wasn’t in it. Honestly, he’s right. And, right now, I could care less.
Leon knocked on the back door three times. “We have guests, boys. You better have your pants on.”
The door creaked open and a ridiculously attractive man with long black hair, muscles that showed effortlessly beneath sweats and a t-shirt, stunning dark eyes, and the shadow of stubble across his jawline peered at the two of us. Obviously this man we recognized instantly.
“Hello,” Kian greeted and I swear I got chills as I waved awkwardly back.
“Hey. Sorry to bother you. My name’s Chris, this is Quinn. We’re fans of your music.”
“Oh really?” A smile curled on the man’s lips. Quinn nodded eagerly. “Excuse the mess then. Come in.” Kian motioned to the van where, beyond the two makeshift bunk beds, a small bench sat behind the driver and passenger seat. Quinn and I crawled in and sat on the bench, eyes taking in every part of the place because we’re here in the Divine Dead van with the musicians themselves. Oh my god.
“Who’s this?” A new voice purred. I looked up and spotted a man with a bleached and shaved head, tattooed eyes and arms, and a fruit roll-up hanging from his lips.
“Chris and Quinn. They’re also quite far from home.”
“Nice to meet you! I’m Zach but these dicks call me Owl. Probably because of my eyes.”
“The pleasure’s ours,” Quinn said so charmingly that I almost thought he had full composure of himself, unlike me.
“Your eyes are pretty,” I said dumbly. Owl laughed and thanked me. “Your ink is too,” he remarked, curling his fingers up my arm slowly. I froze, not knowing what to do.
“Play nice, Owl,” A voice scolded from the driver’s seat, making me jump a little. A head turned, showing off deep blue eyes behind thick rimmed glasses. The man had shaved eyebrows, pierced cheeks, and perfectly messed-up white and black hair. He definitely looked like a model.
“Ray. My stage name is Razor. And no, we call you Owl because you look all sweet but you’re actually a monster.”
“Aw you think I look sweet~”
“So you guys are playing in Philadelphia?” I asked all of a sudden. Kian, with that swooning smile, answered. “Sure are. Where’s your destination at the moment?”
“Same place, actually.”
“Where are you from?”
“Ohio.”
“Wow. What brings you out here?”
Quinn and I shared a look.
“A heist,” Leon answered for us. Kian didn’t look surprised.
“I love knowing our fans are even more interesting than us,” he chuckled. “Did they deserve it?”
“Deserve it?” Quinn questioned.
“Wherever you stole from. Did they deserve it?” Quinn frowned. “Yeah. They did.”
“Good,” Kian nodded. I swallowed the rest of the red bull as Quinn told the story of his idiotic plan and how we met. It feels like longer that we’ve known each other.
“Damn,” Owl claimed. “So now you’re being hunted by some random creepo dude?”
“I guess."
“Well, hopefully we lost him for good,” Quinn offered optimistically.
“Thanks again for the drink by the way,” I told Leon as he sat beside Quinn. He waved my thanks away, telling me it isn’t necessary. As the night went on, it felt like speaking to a couple friends rather than idols. We all had the same fucked up humor and overall shared good chemistry. I haven't hung out like this with friends in a while. Well, I haven't had friends in a while.
“Right Chris?”
“Huh?”
“I knew you weren't listening.” Quinn grinned. I felt the tips of my ears burn in slight embarrassment as I pushed him away.
“Hm?”
“We were just talking about what a kind and loving boyfriend I would be.” He gloated playfully. It was obvious that wasn’t, in fact, the conversation at hand. I rolled with it though.
“Yeah right. Who would want you?”
“Ouch. The thought hasn’t once crossed your mind?” Woah. Is he making fun of me? Or is he… flirting? No. Definitely making fun.
“In your wet dreams, butterfingers. Although I guess I’m not much better.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not exactly boyfriend of the year. If I was, I wouldn’t be here right now. There are just… some things I can’t give a partner.”
Quinn’s playful look dropped into a frown. “What-?”
“Nevermind,” I cut him off, not wanting to see that look on him anymore.
“Is Christopher having some girl trouble?” Owl teased. Leon winced on his behalf and Quinn was still frowning, lost in thought. I was too tired to give a shit.
“I’m gay and my boyfriend’s dead.” The words came out way too nonchalant. I wrung out my hands in front of me, wishing I could somehow take them back.
“Owl,” Kian scolded with a look. The man raised his hands apologetically. “Shouldn’t have assumed. Sorry about that. But that’s cool! I like dudes too,” Owl winked.
“You’re gay?” I asked dubiously. Owl giggled and Razor scoffed. “No,” the man replied. “He’ll just fuck anything that gives consent.”
“It’s not my fault people are hot. You’re just jealous, Ray.”
“Whatever you say, Owl.”
“So you're agreeing with me?”
Kian crawled over the bench and sat beside me. “I’m sorry.” The genuine look on the angel’s face made my stomach tighten in both admiration and guilt. Who was I to make Kian feel bad?
I shook my head. “Not your fault, dude. Nothing you can do about. Nothing I can do either, I guess. I just don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.”
“I can’t say I know what that’s like. But I know what it’s like to go through shit feeling like you’re all alone. You’re not, though. There’s always someone, always at least one person who gives a real shit about you and would miss you if you didn’t wake up tomorrow. Try to remember that, man.”
“Oh uh yeah. Thanks.” I nodded, slightly taken aback by his advice. But I guess Ria would be sad if I died tonight. Maybe Laurie too. Or Freda. Maybe even Quinn. It’s a nice thought. But it doesn’t make it hurt much less.
“Kian?”
“Yes?”
“Why did you start the band? I mean, was music something you’ve wanted to create from a young age? I guess… I just want to know if you’ve known you wanted to do this for your whole life.” I sighed and slumped in the seat.
“You’re questioning where you want to go in your career,” Kian said, more of a statement than a question. I nodded.
“Actually, you may be surprised to hear this, but I didn’t know I wanted to do this until after college. I’ve always loved music but I was studying to be a psychiatrist. In university, I met Razor and we formed this two man band. But, after graduating undergrad, we had to make the decision of either working on music full time or chasing after the careers we originally set out to do. It wasn’t an impossible task, being a musician, especially because of Razor’s connections, but it would be a difficult road. Still, once we made that decision, the joy in my heart whenever we played or made music made me know I chose right. And then later we met Leon, fresh out of community college and then Owl, just seventeen at the time. Five years later we got signed and now we’re touring. I couldn’t be happier.”
I’m envious of that, that look in his eyes. I have no idea what I want to do or where to go from here. I always figured I would just do whatever Toby decided to do. I thought I would be happy as long I was with him. Now… I’m stranded with that stupid dream and no college degree and not the slightest sliver of knowledge as to what kind of career I want to be in. I can’t work retail forever. I think if I did, I really won’t live to see thirty.
“Do you have any dreams, Chris?” Kian asked. I looked away, unable to meet that bright look with equal enthusiasm.
“I used to. I wanted to be an artist.”
“What kind?”
“Mostly fine arts and ceramics.”
“Why did that change?”
“It just…” Because of my father and peers and teachers. Because it was a stupid dream. Because nothing will ever come out of it. I’m not one in a million, I’m just some troubled kid from a small town with average talent and no one needs another one of those. “... did.”
Kian hummed and leaned back against the cushioned bench. I looked toward Quinn and the others who were immersed in some conversation about music.
“Have you ever tried playing an instrument or making music before?”
“Hm. Once. My late boyfriend played guitar casually. He tried to teach me but I’m not a very good student I guess,” a sad chuckle left my lips. It sounded pitiful. “Hearing live guitar is just another thing that went with him.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Hm?”
“Come to our show on Friday. We’re playing at Franklin. The venue opens at six thirty and the show starts at seven. For you two, it’s on the house.”
“Wa- you mean it?”
“Of course,” Kian chuckled. I looked over to Quinn who had overheard his proposition and was now staring at me wide-eyed.
“Yes!” “Ok!” Quinn and I both exclaimed. Razor snorted.
“There’s a back entrance on the side of the building. Tell the bouncer your names. We’ll give them a heads up about it.”
“You guys would do that for two strangers?” Quinn asked, puzzled.
“You’re not strangers anymore,” Leon shrugged.
I fumbled for my phone, eager to call Ria to tell her. Of course I left it in the car. I was about to give up before a phone was slid beneath my nose. I looked up.
“Looking for a phone?” Quinn asked, holding his own up to me. A series of emotions flashed through my head, though I kept my face neutral. Something feels different. Is it just me? Lately things have felt… no, let me not get too ahead of myself. I punched Ria’s number which I memorized by heart by now into Quinn’s phone, trying to shove down this strange fluttering in my chest, something I refused to acknowledge. But it was there, quietly eating away at my insides.
I ignored it.
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