It’s like climbing a mountain, you see. 

I’m human, I could see that now. I did it to see the smiles of the people around me, for those who genuinely cared about what and how am I doing. I shared my interests. Hearing and seeing how they received it filled my heart to the brim. This gave me the power to show them more. 

Eventually, I got bolder and bolder. I became some sort of a symbol, a queen that’s fit to bear everyone’s aspirations and dreams, parading a cape of good-will knitted by people’s wishes and aspirations for a better life that spreads with pride when faced by the testing winds of life. 

I became a person, a character that must be greedier, angrier, prouder than anyone else or more than my followers combined, but when I reached the top, instead of a warm sun rising over the green horizons, I saw the dead cold white-tiled floors of a mall littered with corpses, the stains of crimson and the thousands of people at my back whom I’m leading towards their doom. 

They pushed me to mow through the creaking pillars of society. I’ve cut down norms upon norms upon norms for the sake of fighting for what my followers believed. I built castles upon the plains of the social wilderness that I’ve treaded, and I was only able to do it because of them. They’ve brought me to embrace a wide number of cultures and lands that I would never dream of exploring, building human bridges of understanding between one idea and another with the power of camaraderie to transcend the holes that were meant to sink us.

They were with me at my every step of the way, holding each other’s hand, raising their chins with pride as I lead the way and fought for everything they wanted. Backed with that many, fighting for what’s right hardly even matters. I only needed to be strong. 

There were times that I would ask myself if I really wanted this, and I’m pretty sure that as I smile in the mirror, I would nod at myself to finish what I started. I had no choice. I would just have to wear a mask, smile at the camera, then get angry or be happy. It depends on what the people wanted, and like a good public servant, I would proceed to take the first step, fulfilling their wish and extending my hand to those that are behind me to help them cross that distance. I did it for their smiles. I did it so that they could be proud to be part of someone that’s supposed to be greater than them. 

I became that someone who’s the amalgamation of ideals and the epitome of a human that anyone could support. I’ve made them aware. I’ve shown the beauty of being with someone better, believing that it was their ideal selves who are showing. They realized the pride of walking forward with the greatest of strides, blighted by the idea of what their lives could be if they got what they think they deserved. We’ve waged wars, celebrating fights that should’ve never been fought, and blaming the world for what it was if we lost. I’ve always wanted to let down my sword, but I couldn’t, believing that it meant spitting on those who have taken a beating and fell before. 

That’s why I made sure that none of them would see me this way. This is my job, my life. I don’t want to wake up one day, only to realize that I’m all alone. I don’t want my kingdom to go down like that. I don’t want to wake up in a shabby apartment room and be forced to work at a convenience store because my skills are as good as a senior highschooler who overstudied to please their parents.

I want to see the world and be happy for everyone else. I want to experience the things they’ve put their money on, carrying their dream with me as I live comfortably. I want to be able to smile freely and bathe in the cold touch of gold coins in a bathtub inside a luxurious hotel. I wanted to represent that dream that a normal peasant would have before sleeping. I want to be the star that they would look and try to grasp with their callused hands, thinking that they would be able to attain it with their meager wage.

I want to be happy for both of them and myself. I’ve already made victims, and I’ve understood that they’re all good people inserting themselves to fight and celebrate the victories they couldn’t even take a shot at. I’m fine with that. They have the same greedy dream to fight for what makes them happy. I was happy to help them achieve that dream. 

They were human, and that’s why I did it. 

I have everything to lose, and they would lose their avatar that would let them brave the harsh winds of life; that’s why I did it.

I, Karen, who’s supposed to be someone so strong, idealistic, brave, and a hero of justice, let an evil person go after knocking me out, and apologized for the reason that I cannot divulge. My heart has been in the wrong place for a while now, and after I’ve seen and experienced everything, I’m confident that I’m not doing this to be special because everyone else out there is fighting for the sake of what needs to be done. I’ve always wanted to do something, anything, and now I’m choosing to do nothing. 

All the public knows that it’s a mental pandemic. No one knows anything, except for the fact that if you knew that something, you’d be into a downward spiral of self-destruction for the sake of peace. They’re right. I know why this needed to happen, but after experiencing everything that he’s been through, I can’t blame him. I’m not aware, and I have no choice but to understand and do nothing about it. The only thing, probably, that kept me sane enough to leave you guys something like this is because I’m probably used to carrying everyone’s will on my back. 

What’ve... It was a game. It put people inside a place after being asked about what their wish was through varying questions. I’ve learned that they’ve killed for it, and they all enjoyed it until they became the victim. 

It was beautifully cruel, like a setting sun from a land far away from where you have no choice but the admire its beauty as the rest of your world grows darker. A person named Bob realized this idea of doing nothing. He also got other people into this mess, but he was understood, making all of us think and agree that we could still minimize the damage. 

This is for my avid supporters, so despite the peace, I would get to share what I’m feeling, I want to spare you. This is for those who I waged wars with, so lead yourselves and let me watch your backs this time. 

We’ve all fought for our selfish dreams, and if you want to attack me, then please do so; it’s time for you to take up your arms and struggle for your own instead of watching someone do it for you. I’d be more than happy to be that dead horse that you just want to beat over and over and over again. You could say that I’d be more than happy to be trampled on so that you guys could note me as pathetic and be the better version of yourselves. I am a public figure, after all. 

I’m just glad that I’m not doing this not entirely for myself and others, but for the sake of doing what needs to be done. It’s special because it isn’t. It makes sense because it doesn’t. No one needs to suffer this much. No one needs to win this much, and no one should know this much. I’ve been so many people that I have no choice but to understand. 

I’ve reached my peak. I know that I could stretch my hands further and grab onto something to continue my climb, but my fight ends here. I’m satisfied. There’s no need to walk further to reach another height; I don’t need to compete with others if it meant piling the bodies beneath my feet. 

I’ll gladly embrace the ground this time and face the dark skies where the glittering wishes of the people I’ve fought for were hung. It freezing, but soon, I’m sure that the ear-splitting screams and the begging would be so normal that it would be music to me. I’m cheering for all of you, but for now…

Let me slowly close my eyes so I could sleep.