People always ask when you’re young, where do you see yourself in five years. Or where do you see yourself in the future. The funny thing is our answers are almost always the same. As we grow they change but they’re never what they seem to be. We never turn out to be what our answers were. Young minds can’t wrap around the idea of the future.
We never understand where time takes us. I never thought I would end up being an omega. I never pictured my life enjoying someone’s arms wrapped around me like this. I never thought I would begin to feel something for another person. I don’t believe in love. At least not when it relates to me.
I thought marriage in today’s times had to be with someone you love. The problem is when I wake up and I know it wasn’t all just a dream. I wish it was.
I don’t want to get married. Not without love. He’s going to marry me and change his mind because he knows nothing about me. I look to the man holding me right now. The sun was beginning to peek through the windows. I look at him, he looks peaceful while he sleeps.
It’s almost as though he forgets, he’s not in any pain while he sleeps. I bring my hand to his cheek. He eases into it. He was so warm.
His whole self. Not just his body. He had a warm heart too. I lower my hand and wrap it around his neck and allow myself to place my nose to the other side of his neck. I couldn’t help but breathe in his scent. Everything about him seemed to bring me comfort. I listened to his heartbeat.
It seemed like the only sound in the world as of right now. Everything else was quiet. Yet the unsettling quiet was filled with the comfort of his heart.
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to lay here. I didn’t want to face any issues the day would bring. I could live here forever.
I felt his hand begin to stroke my head. “Are you alright?” his voice was gentle.
I sighed and pushed my head further into the crook of his neck. My response was muffled. “I’m not. I don’t want to think about anything that happened. I just want to lay here in your arms.” He continued to stroke my hair. It was comforting being cared for.
With my eyes shut I fell asleep once more.
---
A woman. I knew she was my mom because she was just like me. She stood looking out into a field of flowers. It seemed familiar. I wandered up to her. Her long white hair was carefully picked up by the gentle breeze. A light purple dress that almost seemed to match the flowers.
I approached slowly.
It was almost as if she was a wild deer. It seemed as if she was going to sprint away at any moment. I reached out and grazed her arm.
A loud gasp. She looked at where I had touched her. A look of disgust covered her face. The light purple dress began to change into a dull grey.
The color all around faded into a dull nothing.
Red eyes instead of my blue ones. She looked me up and down.
“Pathetic.” I shook my head and tried to back away. With every step I took she followed.
“I knew I was right to abandon you. I can’t believe you came from my womb.”
My voice came out in a whisper. “Please.”
“You know I shouldn’t have allowed you to live. I should’ve killed you.” I try to cover my ears. Her words ring in my ears and before I know it I’m falling.
I keep my eyes closed. Not ready to face either reality or the dreams my mind creates.
When I was younger I created this idea of who I wanted my mom to be. A reason to believe she died and didn’t abandon me. I try to remember my mom. My whole life I honestly just pretended that she was dead. I always dreamed that she died in some honorable way. It was this way I didn’t have to face the truth if she didn’t want me. I thought if she was dead then she had a reason to not be in my life.
My grandparents never brought up my father. I never considered him a necessity. You never know if my mom had gone into heat and an alpha mated her and then left her. It was always a possibility.
What the alpha had said though makes it so much harder for me.
Is what he said true? Or was it him saying lies to get me to partner with Hunter. Either way I couldn’t get what he said out of my head. At some point my mother was to be married to the alpha. If that were true what happened? Did she love him, or was it one sided?
What happened with my grandparents? I mean they always raised me with the idea love was most important. I live by that, at least I want to live by that.
Now I’m second guessing everything. Parents who didn’t even love their own child. My foundations were based off of three people who hated me. I grew up to only gather more hate around me.
I want to live with the idea that there is no greater power than love. It’s hard to believe in something that seems to fall through my fingers. Hard to believe in love when it feels like I’ve never experienced it.
I’m being forced to marry someone. I was even told it didn’t matter how I felt. It only mattered that I give Hunter whatever he wanted.
A piece of me begins to fill with panic.
What will I do if I do marry Hunter, he’ll bond with me just to find he doesn’t want me. He’ll then bond another while I’m forced to stay with him. I would be forced to suffer alone.
I can’t help but dream of the terrible future they want me to have.
I don’t think the alpha understands what is being asked of me.
Suddenly a warm sensation takes away my panic. I can’t think like that. Gram and Gramps could’ve decided they didn’t want me either. They could’ve sold me off, instead they chose to love me and show me love exists.
I slowly pull myself out of my half hearted slumber.
When I open my eyes the arms are still wrapped around me. A familiar warmth washes over me.
I sigh and allow myself to lean into him.
It’s kind of weird. I can’t help but think of a baby at this moment. Neither one of us had parents to hold us when we were babies. I think of how wolf has had it worse. When I had love from my grandparents he had no one but himself. Not even his own brother.
I could’ve had it so much worse. “I’m sorry.” The words finally spill from my lips.
“What?”
“I just had a dream about my mother. I was dreaming of what I was told yesterday. I tried to convince myself it was a lie because in my mind I had ideas of what I wanted my mother to be. Then I thought about you. You had it so much worse than I did and I’m really sorry.” The room was filled with silence.
“I wasn’t alone. I did have one old woman look after me. She was the one who really taught me what it was like to be a wolf. She told me stories and taught me lessons that I will always hold dear to my heart. One of the many things she taught me is that life can always be worse. You need to appreciate the little things because it’s the little things that make life worth living. Not matter how bad things may appear, there’s two things. It could be worse, and it will get better. I think of you. I got to meet you so for me life isn’t so bad. In fact it’s quite amazing to be able to say I have a friend.” He smiled. I don’t know why. He was so happy with something so simple. He wanted nothing in return and yet gave me everything I could want.
“What you say sounds so smart. It’s too bad that I’m not. I want to pretend that my life out there doesn’t exist. I want to just be here with you. I wish my gramps would wake up. I told him about you. Most of the time I lie to him. I lie and tell him everything is fine, it’s funny though. When I talked about you I didn’t have to lie. I was able to smile and talk about a real friend.” I felt my cheeks grow warm. I was happy being cared for. He wanted to share something so I felt it was only right if I shared with him. Being open and honest was such a hard thing to do.
“I’m glad we’re friends. It makes me happy too.” I felt slightly less embarrassed when he said that. Then the room was filled with a warmth. Everything seemed a little more beautiful.
He separated from me and I was cold for the moment. A piece of me longed for him to continue to hold me like he was. He brought over a cup of coffee and a plate of meat.
“Where did you get all of this?”
“The coffee was from your cupboard. I uh-caught the meat while you were sleeping. It’s only a rabbit. I left some of it out there on the dying fire to make jerky.” I couldn’t help but stare with a sense of wonder. To be able to do all of that with ease. To him I’m sure it was something he did all the time. It was something I had never done and could only dream about doing.
When I was younger I used to dream of shifting and running away. Living among nature, no longer having to worry about anything here.
It was weird though, while I lay in his arms, I don’t want to be anywhere else. Someone who doesn’t have much to give yet still gives me all he can. I don’t feel like he’s hiding anything. If anything I relate to him more than I should.
I eat the food he gave me. It was small but I enjoyed eating a meal with someone else.
“You know that clearing?” He nodded. “How did you come across a place like that?Also how did you know I needed it?” He smiled at me.
“There are some things that you just know. When I saw you, I just knew you needed something magical. I’m not sure why the clearing opened for me but when I came across it I knew it was magic. It was almost as if the moon goddess herself created the clearing. Not everyone can enter and it only opens in the night or just as the sun is going down.”
“Would it be possible for you and I to go tonight?”He nodded. I felt so much joy. When I was there I couldn’t help but feel at peace. I was excited.
I needed something nice. I loved being with wolf. To be cared for. It’s been years since I’ve felt the warmth that he brings me.
“There was one other thing that was bothering me. I don’t know your actual name.”
“What do you call me?”
“I call you Wolf since that’s how you first appeared to me”
“Then that’s how I’ll be called.” He smiled down at me.
“Do you not have another name?” He shook his head.
“My parents only named my brother and left me outside. Honestly they only called me cruel things.” I placed my hand on his chest right on his heart.
“They may have not treated you correctly, but right here, it’s a beating heart. You have life running through your veins. the past wasn't fair but from now on, we actually live the life we were given. I want you to be happy with me. You are alive, you're not a useless object. I want you to do what you want. Experience the emotions you have swirling inside you. Please, don’t feel worthless because you’re worth the world.” In that moment we looked into each other's eyes. Those beautiful green eyes. There was nothing other than him. We sat in front of each other. My hand remained on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat pick up speed. I could feel my own do the same. It was like the both of our hearts were in sync with one another. They both beat loud and fast.
Yet even though all the adrenaline pumped through my veins I felt calm. It was just us. I felt my body lean into his. A loud knock pulled us both away.
Now my heart was racing for a different reason. This was my one safe place. The one place I knew was different from it all. I never had to worry about people attacking me here. I couldn’t help but fear what was just beyond the door. My hands started to shake. I stared at the door letting my imagination take a hold of me. I tried to get up, my legs were shaking and I lost my balance.
Arms wrapped around me. He spoke softly but was loud enough for my ringing ears to hear. “It’s ok, I’m right here. I will protect you, no matter what.”I nodded. He helped steady me when I was on my feet.
I walked to the door. I was slow, I was trying to calm the nerves. I made sure to keep the door mostly closed. I was open just enough so I could see what was happening just outside.
There wasn’t a person but a single flower. A paper was tied around the flower.
The writing read: Andrew, A jonquil, return my eternal affection.
A chill ran up my spine. I turned the card over. On the other side there was more writing.
We’re going to be together. I’ve always dreamed of this day. Last night still feels like a dream. We’re going to come together soon. In fact tonight I would like to hold another meeting with your pack in preparation for the wedding. I want it to be sooner rather than later but, I understand you need your time. I was thinking in a month or so. I want us to spend as much time as possible until then. I would like you to move into our home. I’ll cut everything to make you all mine.
To eternal love
The paper fell from my hands. I was going to be sick. A forced relationship. There was attraction but there wasn’t love. I needed something different. The last sentence rung like a bell in my mind.
My feet began to move. Before I could process it’s as if my feet knew what to do before I did. I didn’t even grab my truck instead I ran. I allowed my feet to move quickly. I pushed all of my energy into getting to the hospital.
I couldn’t breathe. I ran straight to his room. I smelled him before I saw him.
He stood above my grandfather.
That wasn’t what caught my breath. That wasn’t what brought the tears to my eyes.
“Hey little moonflower, look at how you’ve grown.”
Gramps sat awake and alive.
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